Strange day today. I woke up in a bad mood, ended up fine for most of the day, had a little manic spree there late this evening, was brought right back down when I knocked over some stuff and had to glue beaks back on two of my little ceramic ravens (but they fixed fine at least), and now I need to get to bed because it's up early for studio again in the morning.
Also got an ache going on in the left side of my neck/left shoulder. I'm carrying some tension again, which I wasn't for most of the summer. I don't really feel unduly stressed out, and in fact I just finished a big assignment for the month, which takes weight off for a while.
I think it's just wanting so much for things to keep going well at the mastering studio and to try and wriggle myself into a freelance position of my own making there. I don't know yet if that's realistic or not, if they will consider having an arrangement like that, but all I can do is keep working hard and propose it to them and hope they are willing. It's kind of one of those things that takes a lot of specialized equipment, which I have zero option of buying on my own, to do the actual work. So I have to find a facility to work out of, either an official "job," or a freelance arrangement like I hope to set up here, or regardless of how much potential and skill I have for doing the work, it all goes for nothing.
I'm not feeling pessimistic about it as this might sound. I made the internship happen, I'm taking a ton of information from it, I still have at least a couple of months at this place, to learn all the more. I'm just itchy to put the future into place: knowing I have clients already wanting me to master projects for them (for actual money!) and wanting to solidify the actual access to the facility that's going to enable me to take advantage of the immense opportunity and potential of the position I'm in right now.
A few minutes ago, I just watched the DVD that came with the Paul McCartney CD, with my mom. I get really emotional when I hear great songwriters (or at least ones that I personally respect very much) talk about songwriting and recording and creating music. He says (paraphrasing), "You start with nothing, and you pick up your guitar, and an hour or two later, you have a song." And goes on to talk about the magic of that, and asks why these particular vibrations mean something to us, emotionally, but they do, and that's why he loves it and keeps doing it.
Meanwhile it turns out he played most of the instruments on the album himself. And my mom says to me, "That's like how you do it." Which, without comparing myself to someone like Paul McCartney, but just in terms of process, is still completely true. I have done that. Started with nothing, played it all myself, and made a song. Not in an hour or two, although sometimes it's really really magic and the song does almost write itself, very quickly. But yes, I have done that, I have made a song (more than one!) like that.
I'm getting to know the songs on the CD better, and tonight this song "How Kind of You" is really hitting me.
(I was just going to link to the lyrics for anyone who wanted to read them, but the site I found them on has nasty pop-ups, so I don't want to send anyone there, just going to stick them here anyway.)
It's such a pretty song, too, slow and thoughtful and gentle. The lyrics are so simple, they maybe don't look like much on their own. But sung in melody and rhythm, they are given strength and gravity. What can I say, the song is doing it for me tonight.
"How Kind of You"
by Paul McCartney
How kind of you to think of me
When I was out of sorts
It really meant a lot to be
In someone else's thoughts
Someone else's mind
Someone else as kind, as you
The thoughtfulness you showed has made
A difference in my life
I won't forget how unafraid
You were that long dark night
I thought that all was lost
I thought I'd never find
A someone quite as kind, as you
I thought my faith had gone
I thought there couldn't be
A someone who was there, for me
How kind of you to stick by me
During the final bout
And listened to the referee
As I was counted out
I thought my time was up
I thought I'd never find
A someone quite as kind, as you
I thought my faith had gone
I thought there couldn't be
A someone who was there for me
How kind of you to think of me
How kind of you...
So. Music, and meaning. Music means something. Friends mean something. Maybe those are the only things that do. I'm not really sure. For me, it's the times I've lost those, that I've felt like I lost the meaning to pretty much everything else too. And having them back... I'm just very thankful.
Ok I'm getting way melancholy here and I hope I don't regret pouring out any of this. I'm not all depressed or anything. Like I said, I just get very emotional and sentimental about the whole music and creation thing, and music, to me, is fundamentally about a connection that gets forged between people. So then I think about the people who matter to me, and the songs that say something about how I feel about particular people. And so on.
I'm going to sleep now, and going to the studio in the morning, to learn more stuff about how to bring out the most in music recordings, so they can mean the most they can to the people listening to them.
Also got an ache going on in the left side of my neck/left shoulder. I'm carrying some tension again, which I wasn't for most of the summer. I don't really feel unduly stressed out, and in fact I just finished a big assignment for the month, which takes weight off for a while.
I think it's just wanting so much for things to keep going well at the mastering studio and to try and wriggle myself into a freelance position of my own making there. I don't know yet if that's realistic or not, if they will consider having an arrangement like that, but all I can do is keep working hard and propose it to them and hope they are willing. It's kind of one of those things that takes a lot of specialized equipment, which I have zero option of buying on my own, to do the actual work. So I have to find a facility to work out of, either an official "job," or a freelance arrangement like I hope to set up here, or regardless of how much potential and skill I have for doing the work, it all goes for nothing.
I'm not feeling pessimistic about it as this might sound. I made the internship happen, I'm taking a ton of information from it, I still have at least a couple of months at this place, to learn all the more. I'm just itchy to put the future into place: knowing I have clients already wanting me to master projects for them (for actual money!) and wanting to solidify the actual access to the facility that's going to enable me to take advantage of the immense opportunity and potential of the position I'm in right now.
A few minutes ago, I just watched the DVD that came with the Paul McCartney CD, with my mom. I get really emotional when I hear great songwriters (or at least ones that I personally respect very much) talk about songwriting and recording and creating music. He says (paraphrasing), "You start with nothing, and you pick up your guitar, and an hour or two later, you have a song." And goes on to talk about the magic of that, and asks why these particular vibrations mean something to us, emotionally, but they do, and that's why he loves it and keeps doing it.
Meanwhile it turns out he played most of the instruments on the album himself. And my mom says to me, "That's like how you do it." Which, without comparing myself to someone like Paul McCartney, but just in terms of process, is still completely true. I have done that. Started with nothing, played it all myself, and made a song. Not in an hour or two, although sometimes it's really really magic and the song does almost write itself, very quickly. But yes, I have done that, I have made a song (more than one!) like that.
I'm getting to know the songs on the CD better, and tonight this song "How Kind of You" is really hitting me.
(I was just going to link to the lyrics for anyone who wanted to read them, but the site I found them on has nasty pop-ups, so I don't want to send anyone there, just going to stick them here anyway.)
It's such a pretty song, too, slow and thoughtful and gentle. The lyrics are so simple, they maybe don't look like much on their own. But sung in melody and rhythm, they are given strength and gravity. What can I say, the song is doing it for me tonight.
"How Kind of You"
by Paul McCartney
How kind of you to think of me
When I was out of sorts
It really meant a lot to be
In someone else's thoughts
Someone else's mind
Someone else as kind, as you
The thoughtfulness you showed has made
A difference in my life
I won't forget how unafraid
You were that long dark night
I thought that all was lost
I thought I'd never find
A someone quite as kind, as you
I thought my faith had gone
I thought there couldn't be
A someone who was there, for me
How kind of you to stick by me
During the final bout
And listened to the referee
As I was counted out
I thought my time was up
I thought I'd never find
A someone quite as kind, as you
I thought my faith had gone
I thought there couldn't be
A someone who was there for me
How kind of you to think of me
How kind of you...
So. Music, and meaning. Music means something. Friends mean something. Maybe those are the only things that do. I'm not really sure. For me, it's the times I've lost those, that I've felt like I lost the meaning to pretty much everything else too. And having them back... I'm just very thankful.
Ok I'm getting way melancholy here and I hope I don't regret pouring out any of this. I'm not all depressed or anything. Like I said, I just get very emotional and sentimental about the whole music and creation thing, and music, to me, is fundamentally about a connection that gets forged between people. So then I think about the people who matter to me, and the songs that say something about how I feel about particular people. And so on.
I'm going to sleep now, and going to the studio in the morning, to learn more stuff about how to bring out the most in music recordings, so they can mean the most they can to the people listening to them.
Daniel