I haven't really been paying the kind of attention to my page that I probably should, life has been happening to me and I'm a little overwhelmed. So I thought I would give myself a break and take a little Trip in the way back machine and share a little history. So for my 29th birthday back in 1997 my buddy Andrew got us tickets to see the Rolling Stones "Bridges to Babylon" show at the Kingdome in Seattle the day after Thanksgiving.
Having lived in Hawaii my whole life with a father who hated traveling I missed out on a lot of cool things, like seeing snow, going to Disneyland and other various and sundry "wonderful childhood memories". So my buddy financed this trip. I had the greatest time I have ever had in my life up to that point, hell it was all new to me so it was all great!
We hiked the Olympics, checked out every hot spring we could find stuffed ourselves until we couldn't stay awake, and had my very first snowball fight ( I lost but it was fun as hell). Then of course we saw the Stones, we were in the nose bleed section but fuck it; we saw the Stones!! They kicked some serious ass onstage, I didn't realize that Keith Richards could sing until then. Needless to say a good time was had by all.
One thing I always thought was cool about Drew was that he was a writer, not professionally, but in his spare time he would write poems, songs, just stuff on his mind and I just dug it. When I was in high school, I was dating this girl, people always told me that ladies like guys who could make them laugh so in would sit at my typewriter and make up funny stories and send them to her, unfortunately she had a boyfriend so that didn't go so well for me, but she did like the stories. This was a topic of many of the conversations that Drew and I had in the car going from place to place in Washington, he was trying to get me to write again as a creative outlet,(he being in "Big Brother" mode felt that it would do me some good) he had this poem he wrote as a challenge to himself, he tried to tell a woman that he loved her without actually saying the words "I love you". He wouldn't show it to me but he did challenge me to write one myself and of course me being me I thought about it for 5 minutes, came up blank and let it go. Unlike my normal self I kept coming back to it occasionally, and still drawing a blank, let it go until the next time I thought about it. Finally in 2009 (September 16 if you want an exact date) I came back to it and didn't come up blank, I'd like to share it with you.
What to say
How do I tell you of the depths of my feelings for you?
I could say those three little words,
But everyone says them, and a lot of people, only in the heat of the moment, can bring themselves to say them
Not that you don't inspire heat, trust me we're talking volcanoes here (cold showers suck!)
I could write you smarmy poetry
But smarm kind of cheapens the way I feel about you
And ain't nothin' cheap about how I feel about you
I could tell you that you are my life (heart, world, soul-take your pick) and I wouldn't be a liar (but I would be smarmy)
You could be my Goddess and I could be your minion
Except for the fact that I make a lousy minion (yeah, I've tried it)
I could show you, but that would be just physicality and gestures. (Is physicality actually a word?)
My feelings are deeper than physical pleasure can truly make you understand.
People tell me that things like this should be subtle and romantic, I can be subtle (like train wrecks and bulls in china shops) but I don't think I have a single romantic bone in my body.
I guess I'm stuck with those three words.
Seems to me that's a lot of power for eight letters to carry
You know; to put that look in your eyes and that smile on your face
The ones that set the butterflies in my stomach fluttering, makes my head swim, my heart race
And makes the rest of the world fade into the mist of my feelings for you.
So that was my first attempt at "Andrew's challenge". I wrote various and sundry things off and on for the next eight months then decided to give it another try, this is what I came up with:
Do you feel the same?
Should I say it?
I don't know.
I couldn't take it if you didn't feel the same way.
I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time.
Should I make the leap?
Expose myself for the whole world to see?
Trust that what I give you will be reciprocated?
Dear Lord woman, what you do to me!
Making sappy ballads run through my head, sweet ones like Van Morrison's "Tupelo Honey" or Cheap Trick's "The Flame", even McCartney's "Baby I'm Amazed".
Are you waiting for me?
Feeling the same sweet agony?
Wondering if I could be the man you need?
Praying that I'm not another little boy; playing around like you're just another toy?
Well darling, just like Muddy, "I spell M-A-N not B-O-Y".
I guess that there's only one way for me to truly know.
That's to be how I spelled, walk up to you and say exactly how I feel. (I love you.)
And that was the second attempt, I think I did ok, but then again I wrote them so I oughta like 'em.
Anyway, thanks for letting me prattle, I needed to write something because I told @mouse I would write a new blog soon, and I don't like making a liar out of myself, especially as she was nice enough to follow me.
Hope this finds you all in a wonderful place,
Wyldemann