I've been too depressed to post anything during the last 48 hours. I'm trying to put those feelings aside long enough to post this.
I've written about a number of problems I've had to deal with over the time I've been an SG member. Those problems included relationship and health issues. I received a lot of good advice and encouragement here.
What I'm dealing with now is scaring the shit out of me bacause I don't have much of an expectation that things will turn out well for me. I'm having increasingly severe financial problems at a time in my life when I expected that I would be settled and comfortable in that area. Things are getting so bad that I'm actually worried about where I'm going to live in the near future or if I'm going to be able to afford health care.
Mae-Ann has been the only one who's known the seriousness of my situation. She's been there for me totally. She would offer to have me move in with her, but she has a 22 year old son living with her with serious emotional problems that make moving in with her impossible.
The other day, I was so stressed out that I just broke down in Mae-Ann's arms and sobbed uncontrollably. She urged me to tell my daughters more about what's going on. They've known that I've suffered some financial setbacks, but didn't know how desperate things have become.
I spoke with my daughter in North Carolina. I tried to be calm. She told me that she loves me and would think about possible solutions. My other daughter is away for the weekend. I plan to sit down with her next week and tell her how things are. I hate to burden them with my problems. They have their own lives and don't need to have to deal with my shit. At least that's how I feel.
I going to try to find some part time work. I don't think I can handle a full time job right now. I haven't worked for three years, ever since I was layed off from my last job and my wife passed away at about the same time. I also have to try to find another place to live. My rent is sky high and I just can't afford it much longer. While I'm in excellent health,I certainly need to keep up my health care payments. That's very expensive also. I've cut out any extravagant spending, like traveling and expensive dinners and Broadway shows that I love to take Mae-Ann to.
Mae-Ann is wonderful. She loves me so much and supports me emotionally. She tells me that she doesn't need anything from me except my love, which I certainly have a great deal of for her.
As I write this, I'm scared that things will keep getting worse. I keep asking myself how I could have gotten into this mess. In the past, I've always kind of deferred to my wife when it came to dealing with financial matters and investments. I keep thinking that things would be different if she was still around. I find myself thinking about her more than usual lately. I feel like I'm somehow hurting Mae-Ann by thinking about my wife and missing her so much. For so many years, I knew I could count on her for everything I needed. As I struggle with my current troubles, I can't help thinking that things wouldn't be this way if she was still here with me.
I've written about a number of problems I've had to deal with over the time I've been an SG member. Those problems included relationship and health issues. I received a lot of good advice and encouragement here.
What I'm dealing with now is scaring the shit out of me bacause I don't have much of an expectation that things will turn out well for me. I'm having increasingly severe financial problems at a time in my life when I expected that I would be settled and comfortable in that area. Things are getting so bad that I'm actually worried about where I'm going to live in the near future or if I'm going to be able to afford health care.
Mae-Ann has been the only one who's known the seriousness of my situation. She's been there for me totally. She would offer to have me move in with her, but she has a 22 year old son living with her with serious emotional problems that make moving in with her impossible.
The other day, I was so stressed out that I just broke down in Mae-Ann's arms and sobbed uncontrollably. She urged me to tell my daughters more about what's going on. They've known that I've suffered some financial setbacks, but didn't know how desperate things have become.
I spoke with my daughter in North Carolina. I tried to be calm. She told me that she loves me and would think about possible solutions. My other daughter is away for the weekend. I plan to sit down with her next week and tell her how things are. I hate to burden them with my problems. They have their own lives and don't need to have to deal with my shit. At least that's how I feel.
I going to try to find some part time work. I don't think I can handle a full time job right now. I haven't worked for three years, ever since I was layed off from my last job and my wife passed away at about the same time. I also have to try to find another place to live. My rent is sky high and I just can't afford it much longer. While I'm in excellent health,I certainly need to keep up my health care payments. That's very expensive also. I've cut out any extravagant spending, like traveling and expensive dinners and Broadway shows that I love to take Mae-Ann to.
Mae-Ann is wonderful. She loves me so much and supports me emotionally. She tells me that she doesn't need anything from me except my love, which I certainly have a great deal of for her.
As I write this, I'm scared that things will keep getting worse. I keep asking myself how I could have gotten into this mess. In the past, I've always kind of deferred to my wife when it came to dealing with financial matters and investments. I keep thinking that things would be different if she was still around. I find myself thinking about her more than usual lately. I feel like I'm somehow hurting Mae-Ann by thinking about my wife and missing her so much. For so many years, I knew I could count on her for everything I needed. As I struggle with my current troubles, I can't help thinking that things wouldn't be this way if she was still here with me.
VIEW 25 of 32 COMMENTS
Oh, this election has been over for over two weeks by this point. The question is no longer "will McCain lose" , the question now is "how much will McCain lose by". When Pat Buchannan comes out and admits that the Republican candidate has no shot, it says a lot. When William F. Buckley's oldest son comes out in favor of Obama, it says even more.
If you study the McCain campaign (and calling it a 'campaign' is like referring to someone cutting their own leg off, with a rusty saw, as 'surgery'. Technically correct, but somehow missing the point) its actions have become more and more erratic. The fact that they are concerned about their standing in states such as Kentucky and Nebraska says a great deal. The fact that they refuse to admit defeat in states such as Iowa and Wisconsin says even more.
I'm no longer worried about whether or not Obama will win. What I'm concerned about is that spot of hatred which the McCain campaign seems intent on stirring up.
There are loose nuts in this nation. We all know that, and there is no way to get rid of them. However, the last thing we as a nation need is for them to become riled up, especially at rallies where they are given official condolence, of a sort.
I have no need to paint for you a picture of the violence that is inherent in American politics. You're older than I am and, as a result, lived through the last great wave of it. What I'm personally terrified of is the thought of one of these wing nuts, after the election is over, attempting to take electoral action into their own hands.
This is all the more pressing with the economy sinking lower and lower. People have a tendency of moving to more extreme positions during times of instability, and we're currently wading into one (I say wading into, because I don't believe we've reached the bottom yet. I still doubt this will be another Great Depression, but I do suspect it will give the late 70s and early 80s a run for their money).
Of course, there is hope. FDR manages to die of health related issues, despite an attempt on his life in the days leading up to inauguration day. Teddy Roosevelt managed to survive in 1912 as well. One could even point out that Truman survived an ill-fated attempt on his own life by Puerto Rico nationalists.
If this fails to salve your fears, I suppose that its not meant too. I'm of the growing fear that McCain-Palin's sewing the seeds of racism, unintentionally or not, is going to end up reaping a harvest we'll all have to deal with. The thought bothers me greatly. However, I also have to assume that Obama knew the risks when he took his first steps into this race, and knows exactly what he's doing. And, considering the campaign he's run so far, I'm willing to say that if he's not greatly worried, neither should we.