Dear mr journal,
So today Chris told me something really disturbing. Among the other daily business of not having my cuttings ready, we got started talking about Annelise at some point, and he told me a time when she asked his opinion of whether or not she thought Id be interested in a one night stand, when she was in between lovers. The thought is almost too terrifying to imagine. Im 80% sure id be strong enough to say no, but that other twenty is just too much to even contemplate. The idea of having e woman I loved, and couldnt have being lonely or horney and wanting me for a nighth, but just one night only. To have one taste of what I had wanted for so long, for one little slice of heaven I could never have again.... The thought of it is just devastating. Id have been lost and unconsolable for at least a year. I can barely comprehend how my life would have been changed by a night of that.
The flip side to that would have been, if I could have held it together and told her the right answer of NO, it may have helped cut me loose from her a bit sooner. I wish I could have found a way to help steer this better with us. She started out so phenominal and a great free spirit, and so adorable and fun, but she became reckless with herself, and its hard to imagine how the turn corupted so much. I do misss our late night hang outs, and I miss having her around so I could have all the safties off. Luckily I have Tess now and I dont need Annelise, or ghosts of her anymore. its too bad I couldnt save a friendship though. Its hard to judge how things could have been, if its been five years since somethhing has happened, since we'lltend to be very selective of our memories. I do believe though if she hadnt been so reckless i wouldnt have felt so compelled to be protective of her, and it wouldnt have soured things so badly. But on the Upside though I did realize back then that protecting someone who didnt want to be protected was never going to work, and thats why I had to say goodbye.
Although on the upside of talking with Chris about Annelise, is he did mention the last time he saw her she was at a bar, and althhough she was flirting with two guys, more importantly she was making out with a hot blonde, and Im positive that was going to be Rose. Now that conjures really happy thoughts. Im going to apologize to my lady love here, but I figure as long as im imaging two girls going at it, and my penis isnt involved itll be a forgivable sin.
Ok its really late so Im gonna call it there.
Warm fuzzies
So today Chris told me something really disturbing. Among the other daily business of not having my cuttings ready, we got started talking about Annelise at some point, and he told me a time when she asked his opinion of whether or not she thought Id be interested in a one night stand, when she was in between lovers. The thought is almost too terrifying to imagine. Im 80% sure id be strong enough to say no, but that other twenty is just too much to even contemplate. The idea of having e woman I loved, and couldnt have being lonely or horney and wanting me for a nighth, but just one night only. To have one taste of what I had wanted for so long, for one little slice of heaven I could never have again.... The thought of it is just devastating. Id have been lost and unconsolable for at least a year. I can barely comprehend how my life would have been changed by a night of that.
The flip side to that would have been, if I could have held it together and told her the right answer of NO, it may have helped cut me loose from her a bit sooner. I wish I could have found a way to help steer this better with us. She started out so phenominal and a great free spirit, and so adorable and fun, but she became reckless with herself, and its hard to imagine how the turn corupted so much. I do misss our late night hang outs, and I miss having her around so I could have all the safties off. Luckily I have Tess now and I dont need Annelise, or ghosts of her anymore. its too bad I couldnt save a friendship though. Its hard to judge how things could have been, if its been five years since somethhing has happened, since we'lltend to be very selective of our memories. I do believe though if she hadnt been so reckless i wouldnt have felt so compelled to be protective of her, and it wouldnt have soured things so badly. But on the Upside though I did realize back then that protecting someone who didnt want to be protected was never going to work, and thats why I had to say goodbye.
Although on the upside of talking with Chris about Annelise, is he did mention the last time he saw her she was at a bar, and althhough she was flirting with two guys, more importantly she was making out with a hot blonde, and Im positive that was going to be Rose. Now that conjures really happy thoughts. Im going to apologize to my lady love here, but I figure as long as im imaging two girls going at it, and my penis isnt involved itll be a forgivable sin.
Ok its really late so Im gonna call it there.
Warm fuzzies