dawn pale grey light brought just what i had most feared (and expected): the familiar sensation of being sick...and knowing it. i'm a firm advocate of using denial as the best form of medicine. simply deny that one is sick and go about normal life and you'll never be bed-ridden. i couldn't convince myself today. when i woke after fitful sleep at noon, i had developed a decent cough (producing banana puree looking stuff from my abused lungs...sexy...i know) and aching all over. this blows...especially with finals impending and my grades blowing. i moped in bed for an hour or two and dragged myself to the shower which wouldn't produce its normally scalding water i so desired. i drove to the nearest cvs pharamcy and collected some items: some tylenol and a bottle of tussin dm (not for consumption in one sitting as i would have done in the past). so i popped some pills and retired to watch APOCALYPSE NOW. by the end of which it was about time to re-dose, shortly there after i noticed a nice lift in mood and decided i should brave the frigid weather (60 degrees in louisiana is beyond frigid...additionally...my cold tolerance...especially when sick...leaves much to be desired). my mood lift was complete after i gingerly smoked my first cigarette in a while...savoring a rare head-rush and finishing it with satisfaction. my cough hasn't worsened so i may smoke another before i try to sleep again. the cig was a good move...almost a return to normalcy. i'm going to miss a hard-core show i was planning on perhaps attending alone tonight. its those justin bailey kids again. i despise their popularity. i despise their lack of melody....and yet i've seen them more than any other local band. maybe it just makes me feel warm inside to know i could do better. maybe im lieing to myself. i suspect the latter. perhaps im just bitter because they can compromise enough to demean themselves for the sake of playing. my preoccupation with fame is worsening because i feel like time is running out. fuck it. i hate acoustic guitars...except for some ovations and the john lennon acoustic in musiciansfriend. i should be studying. i should buck-the-fuck-up. i should be writing music. perhaps i should stop making a laundry list of things i should be doing and actually do them..
welcome to the desert of my mind.
its like this all the time.
welcome to the desert of my mind.
its like this all the time.