i am so out of it right now...i don't know what to do or say anymore. i feel really good about a lot of things that are going on in my life, yet there is still this burning desire to be next to the one person i truly want to be with, yet can't. she is great, beyond great...i have never had so many good feelings towards another person in my entire life. it seems so bitter sweet though. she does a lot for me yet i feel as tough i don't do enough to repay her. i try to write poetry for her but nothing seems to be good enough. the words may not even exist. maybe i am just trying to hard because now that i have these feelings i don't ever want them to go away. i have learnt a lot from my past, which in my opinion is a sad thing. i love to learn, don't get me wrong. it's just that from the things that i have had happen to me they have caused my walls to be built. she has already broke through many of them, and this is hard on me. i want her to destroy every last one of them. but the things that i have been taught from my past tell me to be very cautious of her. not because i think she is some kind of she-devil, hell bent on finding my heart then ripping it out and having it for a midnight snack. thats not the reason. it is because i have never had feelings like this before and i am uncertain of what the future will bring. i can only hope and dream that it will bring us closer together. the more i talk to her the more i want to be with her. i read her profiles and i feel as though i have been reborn. one of them says "i'm yours" and another says "i want you". not to mention all the other things on them that is for me. these things are so dear to me. something i have wanted for a very long time. though in the past i have tried to convince myself that these feelings do not exist, that they are nothing more than a fairy-tale. how do i put an end to these thoughts, they are negative and getting in my way. i just want her smile. her frown destroys me, and i want to find a way to put an end to that as well. when she leaves for work and waves goodbye to me i swoon. when i come home from work to find her asleep in bed i swoon. so many things make me this way, and i can't help but wonder if i have this magical ability on her. then it comes to mind "how could she not feel the same way, look at what she is doing". so, i guess if you are reading this you are probably thinking to yoursel..."this poor guy is very confused". and if that is what you are thinking then you are right. there is no advice that i have been given that would help (though i wouldn't mind having more). i just want an end, and her hand.
voltavotary:
