I know they mean well...

10

But goddamn it, why do people react the way that they do?

Okay, so if you read my blogs, you might remember that I strongly suspected that I am an undiagnosed autistic. I've taken a few tests on embrace autism: the Autism Quotient, the RAADS-R, and the CAT-Q. Based on the results, I no longer suspect. Now I know that I'm an undiagnosed autistic. Yes, I know that it's not an official diagnosis. However, I also know how difficult, and expensive, getting a late diagnosis can be.

Anyway. As I slowly started telling people what I've been finding, their reactions are always the same. "No, you're not autistic." "Don't worry, you're not autistic." And other such responses that imply that it would be a bad thing. I know that they're trying to be reassuring. I know that they mean well. I do. But I'm not fishing for them to tell me that I'm 'normal'. I know that I'm not. I've learned that I've just been good at masking. Which is why they don't think that I could be autistic when I tell people.

This realization has given me a lot of understanding of a lot of my life. Looking back, it all makes so much more sense. And as I slowly learn to unmask, and to embrace the stims that I've apparently always used, I'm beginning to feel... better.

I know that my understanding of this is still very limited, and new. But it's a start.

VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
samihain:
Self diagnosis is valid, it's very hard to get diagnosed and it took a lot of research and stress before I found someone who could diagnose me (at the age of 35). Don't worry about what others say, most of the time they mean well and are just uninformed. I usually use that as an opportunity to educate them. Late diagnosed autistics often have trouble unmasking, myself included, so try to be patient and understanding of yourself. 😊
wolfwood1203:
@samihain I wondered why there was such a pushback against autism, until I learned that it's a fairly new diagnosis (the first case diagnosed was about 80-90 years ago). I'm still trying to figure a lot of stuff out, so I'm not too mad at family and friends reacting that way. Anyway, thank you for that, your reassurances, I mean. It's helpful to hear someone who knows what I'm feeling tell me that it's valid. I'll do my best to be patient with myself.

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