Alright, so, I started thinking about this about… 5 or 6 hours ago. Tonight was my first trip back into the 'wild' since before the pandemic. I've avoided large crowds for a good three years now. So, of course, my anxiety was in overdrive. It's a familiar feeling really. But at the same time, it's not a feeling that's easy to describe. My body starts to feel like I'm floating, or flying, but not in a good way. Falling. I'm falling. That's more the sensation. I never thought about it before. When I was nervous about something, the feeling would come back. Now that I'm aware of it, I understand that it's anxiety. I've been dealing with anxiety for longer than I realized. I just never knew what it was. I just attributed it to being nervous. And maybe at first, that's what it was. I don't know. But I was sitting there in my room, waiting for 7 o'clock to roll around, and I was falling again.
One thing that helps, is that for once in my life, I have my father's understanding. He's dealt with anxiety for most of his life. So, he knows what I was going through. And that alone makes a world of difference. In fact, he slipped me a couple emergency Xanax before I left, just in case. Thankfully, I didn't need them.
Right, where did I go? You must be wondering… My brother got us tickets to go see Cradle of Filth tonight. First time they've come here in 20 years. For the first three bands, I was fucking miserable. Not that they were bad, two unknowns and DevilDriver. It's just that they weren't my kind of music. So standing there, the only person wearing a mask, in a crowded venue was starting to wear on me.
But the moment Dani let that first scream echo out into the crowd, I could feel the smile spread across my face. And by chance, we actually managed a decent view of the stage for a couple of short guys. The songs reached from their earliest release to the most current. After 4 hours of standing in a crowd, my hip hurts and back is stiff (yes, I'm old), but it was worth it just to see one of my favorite bands on stage.
Sorry, no concert pictures. I'm not a picture taking kind of guy. Will you settle for a post concert selfie from an aging metalhead?
By the way, why is it that my freaking brain troubles me with the worry that I'm not enjoying the music in sync with everyone else?
