wolfwood

Neil and I hung out today and yesterday. We went to Bratfest and before that we went shopping at the Attic and that was awesome. It's an awesome store and I got a ton of cool stuff for not a ton of money. And then Tammy came over because we were supposed to hang out. I haven't seen her in a while. She's not the greatest conversationalist. And then we were walking and this guy comes up and asks me for my phone number, and it's one of those pervy creepy guys who make me really uncomfortable, and at the time I was talking to this other guy, and he said something to the creepy guy and then I just sort of walked away, but it still bothers me. It's like I can't go by myself without getting hassled by creepy fuckers, and it's like a lot of the times, some other, nice guy will tell them to leave me alone, which is nice, but I also resent it, because it's like I can't tell someone to leave me alone, like somehow some guy has to validate it for me because my opinion doesn't matter, like I'm less than they are. It really bothers me that I can't go out without getting hassled. And yeah, it's life, I dress weird, I'm not hideous, blah blah blah, but it's also extremly fucking annoying. And it's not like it's just guys asking me out, it's like really creepy guys, and a lot of the time guys who are twenty or more years older than me. And I don't think just because something happens that that makes it right or easier to deal with. Kids get molested every day; that doesn't make it more bearable. And then I'm trying to talk to Tammy about it, and she really doesn't understand because that doesn't ever happen to her, and she's like, "I bet you'll miss the attention some day" and it's like "No, I have been getting this since I was 12 years old. I will never, ever miss being made horribly uncomfortable by sicko perverts." Guys just asking me out doesn't bother me. I get that sometimes, and I just say no and they go away. But the guys I usually get are just old, creepy perverts. So yeah, that really just bothers me. I have no problem telling people to fuck off and actually saying "Leave me alone" and not being like a lot of girls I know and actually talking to and being accomodating creepy guys and somehow thinking that will make them go away, but it also still bothers me that it happens, and that a lot of the time, someone will tell them to leave me alone, like I need to be rescued and can't take care of myself. Sometimes I just want to be like "Don't fucking talk to me" but I'm afraid it I swear at them and get really anger, I might end up doing that to a really crazy guy and he'll try to beat me up. It just really bothers me. I don't care if it's because I'm decent looking or wear flashy clothes or whatever. I shouldn't have to change the way I am so people shouldn't hassle me. They shouldn't be doing that in the first place. And I really resent getting hit on by awful guys just because I leave my fucking house. So if you have anything to say like "well, it just happens so deal with it LOL," fuck off. FUCKING DIE. I'm not going to buy into this bullshit that predators feed victims that somehow by looking a certain way it's okay for people to come up and harrass me. Like it's my fault. It's not. And yeah, ok, the way I look attracts attention. Fine, I know that. But there's a difference between people looking at me weird because of the way I look and if I wear something that makes me look okay, getting yelled at, peeped at, and getting hit on all the time just because I left my house and I'm walking with my boyfriend. Like I'm not allowed to get outside by myself. I'm getting really sick of it. I really hate these guys. Every time they come up to me I just want to bash their skulls in and leave them dead on the sidewalk so they can never, ever bother me or anyone else again. And I really to resent that I'm restricted in what I can do just because of the way I look. Because that's what it is. So I just have to try and fight it and not buy into it and stay home, and hopefully eventually these guys will leave me alone, or I'll just get really good at saying, "No, I don't want to talk to you" and walking away without letting them get two words in and not having to listen to their whole speil, because the guys who talk to me bother me the most. Yells and beeping I'm used to, and it's like a second and they're not even near me or in my space. I don't have anymore to say about it, but even now I still feel really, really angry, and it's not just that "Well, that happens" and that's going to make me feel better. Racism happens, rape happens, murder happens, war happens. Something's existance does not somehow make it easier to deal with, and especially with this stuff, it's just more obvious evidence of how mysogeny is deeply engrained in our society that I can't go outside without getting hassled, kind of like how people who aren't white get hassled by the cops or bothered in stores and shit. I don't care if no one agrees with me on that, but I think the stuff you have to deal with with racism and sexism is really similar. And if you don't agree with me or think I'm wrong, don't fucking talk to me, because I know I'm right and this is not even something I want to argue about.