wolfwood

Well, I went in this morning, and when I was doing YS Daily (putting away the kids' stuff that doesn't go on a normal truck), Carolyn was there, and she was showing me these cat rubber things that Molly had given her, and I asked her who I'm supposed to talk to because someone is bothering me, and she's like, it's not Gilbert, is it? And I'm like yeah. I didn't want to talk to my boss or to Jane, who is the top boss, because I would've had to make an appointment, so Carolyn went over with me to the admin office to talk to Mark, who is Gilbert's new boss, and Carolyn's boss sat in there with me and listened, too. So I told them what happened and I started crying like a dumbass, not because I was sad, but I guess because I was nervous or whatever, so then I'm trying to talk but I couldn't stop crying, but I told them what happened, and then Mark gave me the whole spiel about how it's not my fault at all and I should never feel unsafe at work and how no one has the right to make me feel uncomfortable, and how it's Gilbert's fault and he shouldn't have done that and all that. I was worried that they weren't going to be supportive and tell me it's my fault or whatever, because sometimes places do that. Like with the Patty rape case up here, or just sometimes judges and cops and whatever are just horrible people and say it's your fault or don't care. The cops here have a really bad history of dealing with sexual assult, which is pretty common around here, especially on campus.

So anyway, hopefully they will actually do something. Mark said he'd talk to my boss, and he'd come talk to me or at least let me know what he's going to do, and he said they wouldn't tell Gilbert it was me who said something, and of course they wouldn't tell other people about what I said. I'm hoping they'll at least suspend him for a while. I really just don't want to see him anymore, ever. What I really want to do is hit him over the head with a sock full of batteries until his brains leak out all over the floor and he can't bother anyone else, but of course I didn't tell Mark that.

I got back to work in about half an hour, so hopefully they won't make me talk to anyone else today because I'll probably start to cry.

So now, of course, and this happens every time something like this happens to me, I never want to think about sex at all because I start thinking about whoever was bothering me. Like I can't make out with my boyfriend or listen to songs about sex or anything, because I'll start thinking about whatever happened, and I *DON'T* want to think about that or associate that kind of stuff with normal, healthy sex. Like right now, Liv is playing "Caress Me Down" on the stereo and I just want to shoot myself in the head. It takes all of my concentration just not to think horrible things. And the worst part is when I'll be with Neil or masturbating, and then I'll think about something that happened, and I just get completely turned off and feel like I want to burn all my skin off or cut out my brain.

Moral of the story: any time anyone is bothering me, I will go tell the proper authority right away, and if I think someone is being creepy, they are, and it's not just in my head or that I'm being oversensitive.