Trying to make this a short entry. Vash called me last night, and me and him and this kid Derek and Watson and this guy Matt we picked up downtown all ended up hanging out. It was fun. A very average night. It's nice to spend time with my friends and not always be with Neil, because otherwise we'll get sick of each other, and you need to spend time apart and not always together or with mutual friends.
so I'm reading deadjournal online, and Nate is at home, feeling all depressed and stuff, but I didn't im him to come over, because he and Kiki are breaking up, so it would've been really awkward with both of them there.
After a while, Matt went home, and everyone else left to go to Denny's, and I went to bed because I was tired since I'd been up for almost 24 hours, but then I got up around 5:30 am for some reason, and I went online, and Nate was on, and he's like, do you know what's up with Kiki? and I did, but I told him that I think it would be better if he heard it from her, but then I know she probably wasn't going to talk to him about it, and he said he had no idea what was going on at all with her, so I told him everything she told me about them, and that she doesn't really want to go out with him anymore, which he had no idea of, and I thought he knew that, or maybe he was just in denial. Anyway, that was obviously a lot for him to hear, and he's really upset about it. But then it's like, Nate tries to be a "nice" person and pretty much lets people walk all over him, then gets really angry about that, but doesn't talk to them about it, and either broods in a way where it makes everyone else walk on eggshells because you think he's just going to explode, or else he ends up taking it out on other people. So basically I get mean little comments in my journal from him about going to the fair or whatever, and it's like, hey, I didn't do anything to you, so don't take things out on me.
And then in my journal, I posted this big, long entry about a couple things, one of them being that I've had a lot of anxiety lately and I've also been feeling depressed, and going into a lot of detail on that, and then I get some nice comments from people about how I'm not being paranoid for wanting to keep my doors locked, and advice on meditation and tea and stuff to try that makes you feel less anxious, and then Katii posts, and she always is so fucking contrary and says the wrong thing, so then I posted this big long comment back to her explaining a whole bunch of stuff, and since I'm sick of always having to constantly justify the way I feel to other people, and I'm sick of getting into long, pointless arguements that just degenerate into mean little comments about the other person, I took her off my friends list, because I don't think anything she has to say to me is going to make me feel any better and that's what I need right now instead of fucking debate club.
I tend to like people better who either talk out their problems (the best way to do things), or else just detach when they're upset and don't make everyone else feel bad because you're in a bad mood.
All of this is just getting to be too much arguing and too much anger and I try to keep my mouth shut and not start things with other people, but then they'll just be too much of assholes for me not to feel like I have to say something back.
so I'm reading deadjournal online, and Nate is at home, feeling all depressed and stuff, but I didn't im him to come over, because he and Kiki are breaking up, so it would've been really awkward with both of them there.
After a while, Matt went home, and everyone else left to go to Denny's, and I went to bed because I was tired since I'd been up for almost 24 hours, but then I got up around 5:30 am for some reason, and I went online, and Nate was on, and he's like, do you know what's up with Kiki? and I did, but I told him that I think it would be better if he heard it from her, but then I know she probably wasn't going to talk to him about it, and he said he had no idea what was going on at all with her, so I told him everything she told me about them, and that she doesn't really want to go out with him anymore, which he had no idea of, and I thought he knew that, or maybe he was just in denial. Anyway, that was obviously a lot for him to hear, and he's really upset about it. But then it's like, Nate tries to be a "nice" person and pretty much lets people walk all over him, then gets really angry about that, but doesn't talk to them about it, and either broods in a way where it makes everyone else walk on eggshells because you think he's just going to explode, or else he ends up taking it out on other people. So basically I get mean little comments in my journal from him about going to the fair or whatever, and it's like, hey, I didn't do anything to you, so don't take things out on me.
And then in my journal, I posted this big, long entry about a couple things, one of them being that I've had a lot of anxiety lately and I've also been feeling depressed, and going into a lot of detail on that, and then I get some nice comments from people about how I'm not being paranoid for wanting to keep my doors locked, and advice on meditation and tea and stuff to try that makes you feel less anxious, and then Katii posts, and she always is so fucking contrary and says the wrong thing, so then I posted this big long comment back to her explaining a whole bunch of stuff, and since I'm sick of always having to constantly justify the way I feel to other people, and I'm sick of getting into long, pointless arguements that just degenerate into mean little comments about the other person, I took her off my friends list, because I don't think anything she has to say to me is going to make me feel any better and that's what I need right now instead of fucking debate club.
I tend to like people better who either talk out their problems (the best way to do things), or else just detach when they're upset and don't make everyone else feel bad because you're in a bad mood.
All of this is just getting to be too much arguing and too much anger and I try to keep my mouth shut and not start things with other people, but then they'll just be too much of assholes for me not to feel like I have to say something back.
Sometimes its isolating but in the end you are all you have.
Its a lucky break when you can honestly relate. I say revel in your self and feel it all. No one really knows anything anyway. You are truly a cancer I can see.... Not so bad to be able to fel so much. Just figuring out where or how to channel it. Good luck fellow crab