Bad things: So I go to the dog park today, and Pansy goes to the bathroom, and I got up and got a bag to go pick up her shit, so I go pick it up, and then I'm walking back to throw it in the garbage, and this guy sitting on a bench on the other side of the park is like, "You know it's illegal not to pick up your dog's shit, you know. Your dog's shit wasn't over there, it was farther over here," like, yeah, asshole, I just got up, got a bag, walked over there, and pretended to find it and pick it up. And I can tell what Pansy's shit looks like because she eats meat so she doesn't shit out a bunch of grains, so her shit is really small, and there were flies all over it and stuff so obviously it was hers since it was fresh and there were no other dogs going to the bathroom over there. Some people are just assholes. That's all probably grossing you out. 
And then I'm online, and I was complaining on a deadjournal community about some medical stuff that I'm not going to go into because it'll take forever, but anyway, I get all these posts back, like "Well, it's your responsibilty to take care of your health," and "You shouldn't be so angry" and "Well, *my* doctor always told me xyz so I don't see why you didn't do blah blah" and "people make mistakes," and it's like, my doctor fucking told me the wrong thing about STD tests and pap smears and stuff (she said I don't need to go in for that until I'm like 24, even if I'm sexually active, which I am, and what it actually is, is that you're supposed to go when you're 18, and before that if you're sexually active), so now I have to go in and get all that done and get STD tested to make sure I don't have anything (I always use a condom but condoms aren't super effective against HPV and some types of HPV can cause cervical cancer), and And it's like, if I can't trust my doctor to give me sound medical advice, how am I not going to be angry? And then I never had a sex ed class that covered anything but a few STDs after I was ten years old, so I don't fucking care what someone else's doctor told them, because I WAS NEVER TOLD THAT. And then the "people make mistakes" shit: this was something I asked her about multiple times at different visits, so it's not like she just accidently said the wrong thing once. Seriously, if I can't trust a doctor, the one person who is trained to keep me healthy and give me accurate medical advice, not this hearsay crap you get from your friends, who am I supposed to trust? It just makes me so mad. I forgot to call today to make an appointment, too. I'll have to call on Monday, or maybe tomorrow if they're open Saturday mornings. I got some sympathetic replies, but a lot of it was just stupid arguing, and I'm getting really sick of constantly having to justify my own opinion to myself and other people. I'm starting to have anxiety attacks again, too. They went away about the time school got out, but now they're coming back. I really don't want to go to the doctor because I really don't want to be on medication since it can cause so many problems, and I don't really have the time or the money for therapy, besides the fact that I've been in therapy before and I really don't like. It's too personal for me and it's going to get into a lot of stuff that I don't want to talk about with other people. And then it's like, telling my doctor all this personal stuff and then feeling like they have some sort of power over me, like they could turn me in or force me to be on medication or be in therapy or whatever. Like I don't feel comfortable telling my doctor I do drugs, even that's really important for them to know because I could have drug interactions or something. And I've been feeling kind of depressed and overwelmed sometimes, too. I'm trying to exercise a lot and meditate and spend time with people I like so I'm not alone so much, because that's when it's the worst. It's like I can't shut off my mind when I want to. Running really makes me feel better.
Well, this is ending up being really long anyway.
Good: I finally mailed my transcript to my scholarship people, I finally bought some business envelopes, I've been saving more money lately, I lost four pounds, Kiki and Nate are breaking up so I actually get to hang out with her again, I have some hook ups for drugs although I really haven't felt like doing them lately anyway, I have Neil, I'm moving in two weeks, I've been getting a lot of things done that I need to get done, I ran into Mooi at Mifflin Street Co-op today so I'm now I'm starting to volunteer at Rainbow again, only now my shift is Tuesdays from 6-8 pm, I've been generally getting over to my dad's on time for work, my hair looks nice, Voldie is eating her raw food just fine, AND . . .
I MIGHT GET A CLERK JOB FOR REAL!
No one took the Monroe Street job, so they opened it for public applications. I've worked at the library for two years, and I'm getting professional references from Katherine and Carolyn who are YS librarians, and Jill who is a YS clerk (YS = Youth Services, my favorite place in the whole building to work), and you have a way better chance of being hired if you already work for the city, and especially if you already work in the library. A lot of the stuff I'd be doing as a clerk is the same as my job now, and it pays enough so that I'll be able to support myself all by myself, and I'll have a steady, REAL, professional-type job before I've even graduated college. I'll have to quit my job at my dad's, which sucks because I love working for him, but I'll still be his PoA and I'll still go see him and help him with stuff every week. This is all hypothetical of course because I don't have the job yet, but still, I'm really excited! I've been watching all the civil service job sites for months for a job I can apply for, and now it's here, and I have a really good chance of getting it. Plus Katherine said that the Monroe Street branch is really nice, and the boss there is really nice. It would be so great just to have one job.
----------------------
My grandma is out of the hospital and in a nursing home recooperating. She wants to move to Florida, and I really don't want her to go. I'd miss her a lot because she's really cool, and she doesn't know anyone down there and most of her friends and family is in Madison. She's going down there for a month sometime in August to try it out. I really hope she doesn't like it. I love her and I want her to stay here.
Time to get lots of things done!
And then I'm online, and I was complaining on a deadjournal community about some medical stuff that I'm not going to go into because it'll take forever, but anyway, I get all these posts back, like "Well, it's your responsibilty to take care of your health," and "You shouldn't be so angry" and "Well, *my* doctor always told me xyz so I don't see why you didn't do blah blah" and "people make mistakes," and it's like, my doctor fucking told me the wrong thing about STD tests and pap smears and stuff (she said I don't need to go in for that until I'm like 24, even if I'm sexually active, which I am, and what it actually is, is that you're supposed to go when you're 18, and before that if you're sexually active), so now I have to go in and get all that done and get STD tested to make sure I don't have anything (I always use a condom but condoms aren't super effective against HPV and some types of HPV can cause cervical cancer), and And it's like, if I can't trust my doctor to give me sound medical advice, how am I not going to be angry? And then I never had a sex ed class that covered anything but a few STDs after I was ten years old, so I don't fucking care what someone else's doctor told them, because I WAS NEVER TOLD THAT. And then the "people make mistakes" shit: this was something I asked her about multiple times at different visits, so it's not like she just accidently said the wrong thing once. Seriously, if I can't trust a doctor, the one person who is trained to keep me healthy and give me accurate medical advice, not this hearsay crap you get from your friends, who am I supposed to trust? It just makes me so mad. I forgot to call today to make an appointment, too. I'll have to call on Monday, or maybe tomorrow if they're open Saturday mornings. I got some sympathetic replies, but a lot of it was just stupid arguing, and I'm getting really sick of constantly having to justify my own opinion to myself and other people. I'm starting to have anxiety attacks again, too. They went away about the time school got out, but now they're coming back. I really don't want to go to the doctor because I really don't want to be on medication since it can cause so many problems, and I don't really have the time or the money for therapy, besides the fact that I've been in therapy before and I really don't like. It's too personal for me and it's going to get into a lot of stuff that I don't want to talk about with other people. And then it's like, telling my doctor all this personal stuff and then feeling like they have some sort of power over me, like they could turn me in or force me to be on medication or be in therapy or whatever. Like I don't feel comfortable telling my doctor I do drugs, even that's really important for them to know because I could have drug interactions or something. And I've been feeling kind of depressed and overwelmed sometimes, too. I'm trying to exercise a lot and meditate and spend time with people I like so I'm not alone so much, because that's when it's the worst. It's like I can't shut off my mind when I want to. Running really makes me feel better.
Well, this is ending up being really long anyway.
Good: I finally mailed my transcript to my scholarship people, I finally bought some business envelopes, I've been saving more money lately, I lost four pounds, Kiki and Nate are breaking up so I actually get to hang out with her again, I have some hook ups for drugs although I really haven't felt like doing them lately anyway, I have Neil, I'm moving in two weeks, I've been getting a lot of things done that I need to get done, I ran into Mooi at Mifflin Street Co-op today so I'm now I'm starting to volunteer at Rainbow again, only now my shift is Tuesdays from 6-8 pm, I've been generally getting over to my dad's on time for work, my hair looks nice, Voldie is eating her raw food just fine, AND . . .
I MIGHT GET A CLERK JOB FOR REAL!
No one took the Monroe Street job, so they opened it for public applications. I've worked at the library for two years, and I'm getting professional references from Katherine and Carolyn who are YS librarians, and Jill who is a YS clerk (YS = Youth Services, my favorite place in the whole building to work), and you have a way better chance of being hired if you already work for the city, and especially if you already work in the library. A lot of the stuff I'd be doing as a clerk is the same as my job now, and it pays enough so that I'll be able to support myself all by myself, and I'll have a steady, REAL, professional-type job before I've even graduated college. I'll have to quit my job at my dad's, which sucks because I love working for him, but I'll still be his PoA and I'll still go see him and help him with stuff every week. This is all hypothetical of course because I don't have the job yet, but still, I'm really excited! I've been watching all the civil service job sites for months for a job I can apply for, and now it's here, and I have a really good chance of getting it. Plus Katherine said that the Monroe Street branch is really nice, and the boss there is really nice. It would be so great just to have one job.
----------------------
My grandma is out of the hospital and in a nursing home recooperating. She wants to move to Florida, and I really don't want her to go. I'd miss her a lot because she's really cool, and she doesn't know anyone down there and most of her friends and family is in Madison. She's going down there for a month sometime in August to try it out. I really hope she doesn't like it. I love her and I want her to stay here.
Time to get lots of things done!