I've had my personal hits - such as my fathre's illness/sepsis & related in '20, following by his passing in January
but I've also had unexpected support - such as finding & joining a Lodge ( just before his illness - coincidence? )
and also the support of co-workers & GM at work - even knowing they all face their own struggles & issues
...it's a weird feeling as if I'm being tested, over & over again, to see what I can handle & how I handle it
I can only hope I'm passing, but I also feel I'm wearing down
not taking a vacation outside the home this year definitely wore on me - I usually get a re-charge when I travel...
an increase in energy & love of the social aspect of meeting new people wherever I go :)
...but I didn't get that this year & in many ways I can feel it's affect *sighs*
I've been alone most of my life - hells, I didn't even get along with my fathre for but a decade before his passing
I rarely dated & even my marriage was very short ( and we never went on a date, go figure *smirks* ) - the ex-wife being the only person I was with for longer than 40days... and I can count on one hand how many I "dated" including her in my adult life
but I've been feeling, unusually, alone recently... though I've spent 90-95% of my adult life JUST ME, now it's become/becoming... lonely :(
maybe I'm just getting old, maybe it's because my daughters are now teens & getting more independent ( though I had no issue before them )
maybe it's the multitude of loss over these 30-plus years of yearly deaths finally wearing on me
maybe it's because most of my friends still alive are strewn throughout the world
and - as aforementioned - that I didn't get that social re-charge & increase in energy this year, but just kept on & pushed on
...hells, could be all of the above making the pushing all that harder
but I'm going to try & pass this test, as I've passed all the others before - I Will Not Fail Myself, nor those who rely on me, daughters, ex-wife, friends & friends-who-I-call-family
I Love You All. - Keep Living & Loving Life, my thoughts your way :)
twittage ::
10/5 : unfortunately, a (presumably new) neighbour has been messing with the secure entrances of the apartment complex - as has happened in the past :( - they shoved a coin so deep into the door lock I couldn't extricate it *sighs* ... some people have zero respect, but we still try...
10/20 : Awkward-painful start to day, took 20mins to get out of shower, can't walk down stairs, & took 15-25mins to get from sitting to laying down again - did something to my back :(
10/20 II (5hrs later) : still in pain - quite a bit - but a bit more mobile than this morning... attempting to pick anything up is excruciating, but I can go from sitting to standing with little issue - haven't attempted the stairs yet... maybe'll try that a bit later yet ... steps forward !
10/20 III (4hrs after) : an epsom bath even helped a little bit - with some tylenol - though I admit I hadn't thought through the whole "if I had issues getting out of the shower this am, how well is getting out of the tub going to work?" conundrum - but, aye, I made it without concussing myself...
10/30 : slept more in the past two days than week prior - who'd've thought that dental pain having just gotten over last week's back pain would be so exhausting ... never felt so out of it or had such a hard time pushing through it - this kinda thing used to be push-through & done - Oi!
watched recently :
via rental/streaming:
Doom Patrol (3rd Season)
Lucifer (6th Season)
Fear Street: Part One: 1994
Fear Street: Part Two: 1978
Fear Street: Part Three: 1666
What If...? (1st Season)
Tacoma FD (3rd Season)
Free Guy
Ghosts (1st & 2nd & 3rd Season)
Star Trek: Lower Decks (2nd Season)
Superman & Lois (1st Season)
Halloween Kills
The Flash (7th Season)
Stargirl (2nd Season)
Dune (2021)
Locke & Key (2nd Season)
Inside Job (1st Season)
Death Note
Rick And Morty (4th Season)
M. Night Shyamalan's Old
ownedflix:
Blood Drive (Series)
American Pie Presents: Girls' Rules
Bad Boys For Life
Cloverfield
Once Upon A Deadpool
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Misfits (UK Series, 2nd & 3rd Season)
Anna And The Apocalypse
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End
Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose, AK/GOT (OOP)
"Keep Living & Loving Life!"
"America needs creation not destruction, cooperation not contempt, security not anarchy, healing not hatred, justice not chaos."
President Donald Trump * June 1st, 2020