Becoming a better self.
The Bettering...
As I enter/have entered what I've come to dub this Third Iteration Of Self, I've encountered (self-)queries...
which, having mainly only myself to talk to, I've considered, re-considered, & mentally wrought into the ground...
or wrought into iron, on a few occasions, when it comes to it ( figuratively, of course ).
Direction...
or, perhaps better stated, Self-Direction.
I am, by no means, a perfect person...
but can I be a better one ? build myself to a better self ? guide myself in better directions ?
This is why I think The Bettering needs to be an Important Part of my Third Iteration.
...and is it something I can do alone ?
I've done so many things alone - most of my life my choices have been mulled over, researched, & guided by... me.
I have friends, assuredly, though most of those I turned to for help with self-decision are... long-passed.
or even recently passed in a couple of cases.
BUT where would I turn, where would I go, to find somewhere, someone(s), something, to help with my Self-Guidance ?
I've looked into a few things recently... some of which I'll be looking into further in the very near future.
We'll see where that takes me, if it fits, if it's Truly for me - One doesn't know until One Delves, of course...
As someone from my past one said, "Always Question. One Learns by Questioning."
And I take this to mean Including Oneself, even if it wasn't explicitely stated.
Truth & Trust - these are guiding principles in decisions made...
a Trust that I know the Truth about where I should go, what I should do, who I should BE
I hold Honesty to High Standards, indeed - Dishonesty has an abbhorent feel...
( I faced too much of it in my past to accept it in my Life today - I have no need of it, no love for it...
not that there can't be secrecy - everyone has their secrets - but outright Lies... NOT my thing )
ASK me & I'll answer Honestly... it's what I do & expect of others in return.
Do I - CAN I - Self-Judge ? Do I have a right to ?
I haven't before... and wouldn't know where to begin, honestly
I've never been able to stand outside myself & judge myself... it's strange to me to consider it
Do I do the Right things ? Based on the Truth, I believe so.
Do I do the Moral things ? Based on innate Morality, I believe so - though not religio-specific morality, in many cases.
Am I a Good man ? I do my best, to the best of my ability, to be so... BUT can I be Better ?!?
and then there's the presumptions & assumptions people have about me... oftimes amusing, rarely disturbing ( thankfully! )
Do they know me better than myself ? what I truly believe ?
My closest friends know - or did know - or should be able to ascertain...
though they had to know me well, to have asked the right questions, in the years I'd know them, to truly Know me.
And not all have, admittedly - which leads & has led to some awkward assumptions, certainly *shrugs*
My Truest, Closest friends are mostly... passed & past alike.
At least, the ones who knew - or figured out - my Truths... or most of my Truth(s). :)
From my best friend in '96 to a very close friend just a year ago...
and, of course, my sister who passed in '01, an important shift in my Second Iteration Of Self.
So, who do I turn to - who can I turn to - to help with my Personal Decisions ?
This Second Iteration, since my sister's passing, I've only, Truly, turned to - me.
Something I was not at ALL used to, at first, as I didn't know then if I could Trust Myself to make major decisions without Guidance... or at least someone to speak to about them.
This has led to both good & bad decisions & actions on my part - since and before... Everyone Makes Mistakes.
BUT, this Third Iteration, I feel, needs something more.
Hence, the aforementioned looking into things - there are few I can Trust, let alone outright just up-and-call to talk about self-topics.
Mayhaps I'll find something in these searchings that will help with my personal Searching, with The Bettering.
Finding something to Guide - or someones to help Guide - or [etc etc], this is the ponderance, the end goal.
I will remain - and will always BE - ME ...but a Better Me is the Goal, the Aspiration.
And hopefully I can find something that adds to that, helping to Multiply & to begin The Bettering.
twittage ::
12/03 : I can't be the only one who feels that the Bloomberg commercials inundating the airwaves have this complete horrorfilm trailer vibe to them - as in "vote for me & I shall usher in a new apocalypse" or "a vote for me is a vote for a serial killer in every home" *yeesh*
12/09 : pre-paid this wknd for the car rental for ~2wks June 2020 (2nd & 3rd wk) ... I guess this means my GLO roadtrip is pretty much set in stone - only 6 mths away! *laughs* ...and that's likely as far as my roadtrip planning goes, other than vague destinations - any suggestions?
12/14 : weirdly/humorously, someone was offended that I included "Night Of The Comet" in a list of favourite 'holiday' films ( as well as the rest being horror or 'potentially-offensive' comedy ) ... did they never see NOTC - it takes place around xmas !!
12/15 : *wow* I doubt I'm gonna be able t'get a load of laundry in today - 2 of the 3 machines are labeled 'broken' & there's a line of laundry baskets along the side of the laundry room *sighs* ... SOMEthing obviously happened since Fri, when the laundry room was busy BUT all running
12/17 : while few replied to my "what [do] you assume about me?" post, it's still intriguing how much people DO assume about me - based on how I look and/or what I say/have said and/or how I act... and, weirdly, 25-50% are well off in their assumptions when all they'd have to do is ask
12/17 II : hair's bugging me, but too cold t'day... looks better Thurs, mayhaps a mid-wintertide haircut then...
watched recently :
via rental/streaming:
The Mandalorian (1st Season)
Taxi (1st Season)
Runaways (2nd Season)
The Pacifier
Anna And The Apocalypse
Disenchantment (2nd Season)
Jessica Jones (3rd Season)
Watchmen (1st Season)
The X-Files (2nd Season)
ownedflix:
Land Of The Lost (2009)
Iron Man
The Incredible Hulk
Iron Man 2
Thor
Octopussy
A View To A Kill
The Librarian: Quest For The Spear
The Librarian: Return To King Solomon's Mines
The Librarian: Curse Of The Judas Chalice
Ready Player One
Men In Black: International
The Librarians (1st Season)
Jack Of All Trades (Only Season)
Hellboy (2019)
Avengers: Endgame
Godzilla: King Of The Monsters
The Living Daylights
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose, AK/GOT (OOP)
unusualist - I have yet to find a religion and/or spirituality that fits my own personal beliefs... other than, of course, the fact I am a (fallen) god.