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wolfgarden

Madison, WI

Member Since 2008

Followers 81 Following 32

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Saturday Mar 14, 2009

Mar 14, 2009
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Money. Is. The. Root. Of. All. Evil.

How am I supposed to buy a trailer and drive it across the country for a year if I have to pay off fucking loans from my parents and the government? I mean, my parents won't charge interest, but the government will. How the FUCK am I supposed to be avant-garde and live and be an individual if I have to have the same stupid-ass oppressed experiences as everyone else in the corporate world? The minute I step out of college, I'll be expected to have a job, to be paying people back, to not have my own life until every stupid fucking cent of money is repaid to the people who wanted me to go to college. If they want me to go so badly, why don't they just pay the whole fucking thing?

Since it's their big decision, why am I paying for it? Not that I don't want to get a degree and make good money, but still, I can't even keep my own money. I have a job, but guess where that money goes: to my parents. Into loans. Into the fucking mismanaged government. And I'm going to graduate in the next two years, which means I get shoved into the "real" fucking world sooner than everyone else my age, oh wait, NO, because I already skipped a fucking grade and am thus younger than everyone supposedly "my age." I'm not even supposed to be in college; I should be a senior in fucking high school, and yet, I have sophomore standing at university. OH FUCKING JOY.

JOY.

I guess it means I'll have less debt than the next girl, and I might not have to take out government loans for Whitewater because it's cheaper than Carroll, but still, I'll be paying out half my salary until I'm thirty. Really now. Is that right? If the fucking Federal Reserve hadn't just gone dry, I'd still be all for the whole "forgive college loan debt," but that can't happen AND help the economy if there's no money to save the banks from crashing after half their loans are "forgiven." Jes no want Second Great Depression. Jes like economy that gets better.

Fuck. I love school, I really do, but I hate the fact that it costs so much fucking money to do it. I guess I'll just work my ass off to finish early and not stay for friends this time (could've graduated high school early too, but NO, I had friends; fuck friends).

People cost too much. And I don't mean money-wise, I mean emotionally. I don't have time to worry about other people or really care about them when I have all this other shit (getting a job when there are none, paying off loans, getting good grades to graduate with honors and keep my thousands-of-dollars scholarship, eating) to worry about for myself. Time to be selfish. Time to tell others to fuck off, yeah? I'd say so. I refuse to deal with whiny-ass bitches who can't get their shit together and get over their whorish ex-girlfriends or their stupid-ass roommate problems (considering they chose to room with this person and are now entering their super-senior years of college) or peoples' love lives or my own "love" life, of which I have none anyway, so why worry about something that's not there?

These are the times I think it would be easier to just DIE. But I'm not suicidal, if that makes sense. I don't want to off myself, I just would rather DIE. I don't know why DIE is in capital letters; it's like I'm trying to make an acronym out of it or something. Actually, it would be easier to just die, but that won't happen because 1) I am a huge wuss, 2) Nice things don't happen to...fairly nice people, and 3) For some reason, cars don't hit people who want them to.

This post is officially much too large for fmylife.com. Actually, it was much too large about a million sentences ago. Or however many sentences that was. I don't know. But it's way too long.

I need to eat. Yay for my parents' food that I don't have to pay for while I'm still book-learnin'. At least I can say that my parents are wonderfully accommodating people who are letting me pay off my government loans first before I pay them back the thirty-to-forty thousand I will owe them and are letting me live in their house until I have enough money to get my own place, rent-free.

How I love my parents. I just wish Borders would e-mail me back and tell me if I got the fucking job or not. D:

I love Borders. I want to work there. And they even hired new people who were not me when I asked to be hired and filled out their really long application on the Internet and did everything I needed to do and I feel stupid.

Make sense, life. Make fucking sense for me, please.
emi:
aaa i saw your comment smile

that's awesome biggrin
Mar 19, 2009

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