Cared for a dying woman on her last hours of life the other night. She had a friend with her until the last hour of her life. I'll have a few observations stated and leave you at that...
The time I knew this woman, who shall remain nameless, I had only known since she came to our facility. In the time I cared for her off n on she was what to me seemed cranky and critical but only due to her own fear of a slowly diminishing existence. In short she was scared and became overly defensive. Her eyesight was legally blind but from what I gathered she could make out colored shapes and such but no real disguishing details. Her hearing was off n on and one ear had a hearing aide. The time I saw her with her friend she was very demanding but in a kind of sweet old lady voice. She'd demand you leave her alone and in the next second demand something like ice water or she was cold or couldn't breathe even though she clearly had no issues.
Most people don't have patience enough to see a person's actions as based from fear or unknowning... I on the other hand did so very easily and her actions didn't really phase me as much as the other employees. Most of which would be very short with her and outside the room curse her very existence due to her bossy and rude nature regardless of the kind tone she might have used.
I wondered alot that night about her friend. She was a kind old woman with a portable oxygen device. A limited supply that needed changing on occasion due to its timed amount. She stayed most of the night and near the last few hours of my shift she needed to leave to replenish the oxygen and came to me for advice as to what she should do. It was sweet to say the least, she wasn't a small woman not tiny in the least but her demeanor was that of a field mouse. I told her simply we had her number and should the worst happen before she returned we would call her... Sadly it did, and within the hour even. I didn't see her before my shift ended so I still wonder what is going through her mind. She stayed so close to her and was so worried she'd be alone when she passed... and yet through all her efforts her friend still technically died alone.
Skin changes color very dramatically when dying. It has the hue of life hidden behind the greyish blanket of death. Some its more vivid and others its all muddled and neutral. She was very pale, very cold and limp. I don't know how many of you have been with a dead body, especially up close. But it is very unusual in a slightlly calming way. One side is filled with humanity while the other seems a husk.. a true shell of what we are. Almost a failed mimic.
I am not a cold person so I hope that description doesn't make you think that of me.. its just the facts. In a way... it kind of worries me and at the same time it doesn't phase me at all. its a flash of thought kind of thing.
I had to clean her up change her and there she was as if nothing had changed from the week before. I have helped numerous times with patients after they have passed but none were on my set. This was a first for me.
The time I knew this woman, who shall remain nameless, I had only known since she came to our facility. In the time I cared for her off n on she was what to me seemed cranky and critical but only due to her own fear of a slowly diminishing existence. In short she was scared and became overly defensive. Her eyesight was legally blind but from what I gathered she could make out colored shapes and such but no real disguishing details. Her hearing was off n on and one ear had a hearing aide. The time I saw her with her friend she was very demanding but in a kind of sweet old lady voice. She'd demand you leave her alone and in the next second demand something like ice water or she was cold or couldn't breathe even though she clearly had no issues.
Most people don't have patience enough to see a person's actions as based from fear or unknowning... I on the other hand did so very easily and her actions didn't really phase me as much as the other employees. Most of which would be very short with her and outside the room curse her very existence due to her bossy and rude nature regardless of the kind tone she might have used.
I wondered alot that night about her friend. She was a kind old woman with a portable oxygen device. A limited supply that needed changing on occasion due to its timed amount. She stayed most of the night and near the last few hours of my shift she needed to leave to replenish the oxygen and came to me for advice as to what she should do. It was sweet to say the least, she wasn't a small woman not tiny in the least but her demeanor was that of a field mouse. I told her simply we had her number and should the worst happen before she returned we would call her... Sadly it did, and within the hour even. I didn't see her before my shift ended so I still wonder what is going through her mind. She stayed so close to her and was so worried she'd be alone when she passed... and yet through all her efforts her friend still technically died alone.
Skin changes color very dramatically when dying. It has the hue of life hidden behind the greyish blanket of death. Some its more vivid and others its all muddled and neutral. She was very pale, very cold and limp. I don't know how many of you have been with a dead body, especially up close. But it is very unusual in a slightlly calming way. One side is filled with humanity while the other seems a husk.. a true shell of what we are. Almost a failed mimic.
I am not a cold person so I hope that description doesn't make you think that of me.. its just the facts. In a way... it kind of worries me and at the same time it doesn't phase me at all. its a flash of thought kind of thing.
I had to clean her up change her and there she was as if nothing had changed from the week before. I have helped numerous times with patients after they have passed but none were on my set. This was a first for me.
carnelian:
That is so beautiful.
saraberri:
it can take great courage to be fully present when someone dies. we all will, but our culture is not comfortable with the idea.