I want to talk about my friend Chris who died a couple of years ago from suicide as i have been thinking about him a lot the past couple of days. First some of what has been going on in my life I got a wedding invitation from one of my best friends the other day. He is a really great guy and she seams cool so I am very happy for them he is in my role playing group dungeons and dragons style. Its always hard to lose a guy from the group but love comes first so we are going to his wedding and planning an awesome last game for him trying to make it as fun as possible show him what he will be missing as he is moving after he is getting married and will not be able to attend anymore. We have had guys play after they get married but they only last a couple of months before they stop. When I get married I am hoping to find a girl who plays so that she can join the game I would love to date a gamer girl. I'm looking for a new job as I lost my job at the end of the school year I need to find something full time for the summer so i can pay for school come the fall. I passed all my classes even math which I wasn't sure I was going to so now I'm on to calculus. I am a computer science major for anyone who was wondering which is programming mostly. I guess that's all of the stuff that has happened this past week.
Now I would like to talk about my thoughts and feelings on Chris. I had a dream a couple of days ago that he was alive and we were talking about how he faked his death to get away for a while and was back now I woke up thinking it was real for a second that he didn't die but then the memories of the day came back and I remembered everything. It was the last day of may a Saturday afternoon he was on his computer and his brother was at work I was playing World of Warcraft when he told me he had to go run some errands and would be back. I lived in an apartment with him and his brother I didn't think anything of it latter that day his brother came home and i told him that Chris had gone to run some errands and asked if I could use their computer to play Heros of Might and Magic but changed my mind if I had I would have seen the note maby i should have then we could have tried to stop him but its to late now. I went to bed and woke up with his brother knocking on my door I said "Andrew Chris left a suicide note he killed himself the cops are on their way." I half asleep and not having what was said hit me yet said "Well i better put some pants on." I didn't even realize that it was April Fools day so I didn't think it was a joke I remember sitting with his brother in silence waiting for the cops to show up. Chris left a note on his computer just pulled up in notepad if i had played the game i would have seen it the day before. The cops showed up two guys mid twenties one of them looked at the other one and said "its your turn to call the parents i did it last time." They were the ones that were sent out to handle situations like this and I can't imagine ever getting used to telling parents that there kid has died. Chris had gone up the local mountain and jumped off a cliff they couldn't find the body for a couple of days due to winter storms. me and his brother just sat there our friend brad came over and we just looked at the floor for an hour. I couldn't take it anymore the silence was killing me "If I was going to kill myself I would set up a camera to trail me as I jumped off a cliff douse myself in gas jump off light myself on fire and shout flame on." (like the human torch from the fantastic four) everyone looked at me for a second almost shocked then laughed we all started to come up with the most hilarious ways we could kill ourselves most involving catapults, then we discussed our funerals and what we wanted them to be like and more people started showing up and joined the conversation we all had to laugh to keep from crying it kept us rooted. I didn't cry until the funeral It was the first funeral I had ever been to their were a lot of people he had a lot of friends lots of people missed him.
He was our GM (game master ran our role playing games) he was the best he could come up with a storyline that was better then any book or movie he could play any character male or female the way he described the world would paint a picture in your mind and would put you in his. He was a bard the best I have ever known I remember one time he was asleep in a chair and I was on my computer he woke up out of a dream and looked and said "but what would we do with it." not knowing what he was talking about I asked "What would we do with what?" without skipping a beat he told me "All of the power." I knew that whatever he was dreaming it was awesome and i didn't want to ruin it so i tried to stay in character "Whatever we wanted." he nodded like the answer was good and was out again the next morning he didn't even remember waking up it was then that i realized that he gamed in his sleep.
He worked as a pizza deliver boy and would bring home left over pizzas that no one picked up he made enough to get buy and didn't need money to be happy. He lived off of ramen noodles and tortilla chips not with anything to dip them in just plane tortilla chips and was skinny as a pole. He was the happiest guy i ever knew when it rained he would go outside and look for rainbows or just stand in the rain and look up to feel it on his face, because of that now I do to, to try and feel what he did. he didn't ever get married or even ever date that I am aware of but he was a gentleman when it came to girls he was kind watched his language used the phrases mam and my lady and miss in ways that showed respect. I try to treat women like he did respect them no matter what, and you can say its not needed or that I'm treating you different and you can open your own door or that I am being sexist but he told me once that knights and heroes in old legends treated all women like they were a higher station then them even the king would treat all women like a queen and if it was good enough for them its good enough for me. And women are different then men your better than us and we should treat you like you are. I don't care if guys who are jerks get the girls douche bags like the jersey shore guys I refuse to do it because Chris taught me about respect and honor.
I feel like he lived in a different world then the rest of us one full of magic and monsters, quests and evil to defeat. I want to live in his world and I try to believe in those things. I miss him im not angry for what he did it was his choice I feel like the world lost one of the great people some of the magic that it had in it went with him but I do everything I can to keep it alive. I don't have any pictures to remember him buy but I did get the notes from all his games he was running and i keep them backed up on my external hard drive to keep a peace of him with me I go over them when im running a game to try to channel him bring a bit of him into every game i run. I am hoping to see him again after i leave this world and that where ever he is he is a king a knight and a hero.
Now I would like to talk about my thoughts and feelings on Chris. I had a dream a couple of days ago that he was alive and we were talking about how he faked his death to get away for a while and was back now I woke up thinking it was real for a second that he didn't die but then the memories of the day came back and I remembered everything. It was the last day of may a Saturday afternoon he was on his computer and his brother was at work I was playing World of Warcraft when he told me he had to go run some errands and would be back. I lived in an apartment with him and his brother I didn't think anything of it latter that day his brother came home and i told him that Chris had gone to run some errands and asked if I could use their computer to play Heros of Might and Magic but changed my mind if I had I would have seen the note maby i should have then we could have tried to stop him but its to late now. I went to bed and woke up with his brother knocking on my door I said "Andrew Chris left a suicide note he killed himself the cops are on their way." I half asleep and not having what was said hit me yet said "Well i better put some pants on." I didn't even realize that it was April Fools day so I didn't think it was a joke I remember sitting with his brother in silence waiting for the cops to show up. Chris left a note on his computer just pulled up in notepad if i had played the game i would have seen it the day before. The cops showed up two guys mid twenties one of them looked at the other one and said "its your turn to call the parents i did it last time." They were the ones that were sent out to handle situations like this and I can't imagine ever getting used to telling parents that there kid has died. Chris had gone up the local mountain and jumped off a cliff they couldn't find the body for a couple of days due to winter storms. me and his brother just sat there our friend brad came over and we just looked at the floor for an hour. I couldn't take it anymore the silence was killing me "If I was going to kill myself I would set up a camera to trail me as I jumped off a cliff douse myself in gas jump off light myself on fire and shout flame on." (like the human torch from the fantastic four) everyone looked at me for a second almost shocked then laughed we all started to come up with the most hilarious ways we could kill ourselves most involving catapults, then we discussed our funerals and what we wanted them to be like and more people started showing up and joined the conversation we all had to laugh to keep from crying it kept us rooted. I didn't cry until the funeral It was the first funeral I had ever been to their were a lot of people he had a lot of friends lots of people missed him.
He was our GM (game master ran our role playing games) he was the best he could come up with a storyline that was better then any book or movie he could play any character male or female the way he described the world would paint a picture in your mind and would put you in his. He was a bard the best I have ever known I remember one time he was asleep in a chair and I was on my computer he woke up out of a dream and looked and said "but what would we do with it." not knowing what he was talking about I asked "What would we do with what?" without skipping a beat he told me "All of the power." I knew that whatever he was dreaming it was awesome and i didn't want to ruin it so i tried to stay in character "Whatever we wanted." he nodded like the answer was good and was out again the next morning he didn't even remember waking up it was then that i realized that he gamed in his sleep.
He worked as a pizza deliver boy and would bring home left over pizzas that no one picked up he made enough to get buy and didn't need money to be happy. He lived off of ramen noodles and tortilla chips not with anything to dip them in just plane tortilla chips and was skinny as a pole. He was the happiest guy i ever knew when it rained he would go outside and look for rainbows or just stand in the rain and look up to feel it on his face, because of that now I do to, to try and feel what he did. he didn't ever get married or even ever date that I am aware of but he was a gentleman when it came to girls he was kind watched his language used the phrases mam and my lady and miss in ways that showed respect. I try to treat women like he did respect them no matter what, and you can say its not needed or that I'm treating you different and you can open your own door or that I am being sexist but he told me once that knights and heroes in old legends treated all women like they were a higher station then them even the king would treat all women like a queen and if it was good enough for them its good enough for me. And women are different then men your better than us and we should treat you like you are. I don't care if guys who are jerks get the girls douche bags like the jersey shore guys I refuse to do it because Chris taught me about respect and honor.
I feel like he lived in a different world then the rest of us one full of magic and monsters, quests and evil to defeat. I want to live in his world and I try to believe in those things. I miss him im not angry for what he did it was his choice I feel like the world lost one of the great people some of the magic that it had in it went with him but I do everything I can to keep it alive. I don't have any pictures to remember him buy but I did get the notes from all his games he was running and i keep them backed up on my external hard drive to keep a peace of him with me I go over them when im running a game to try to channel him bring a bit of him into every game i run. I am hoping to see him again after i leave this world and that where ever he is he is a king a knight and a hero.
It was a gorgeous compliment, thanks a lot. You made me melt