You cannot change other people. You love them the way they are or you don't. You accept them the way they are or you don't. To try to change them to fit what you want them to be is like trying to change a dog for a cat, or a cat for a horse. That is a fact. They are what they are; you are what you are. You dance or you don't dance. You need to be completely honest with yourself -- to say what you want, and see if you are willing to dance or not. You must understand this point, but it is very important. When you truly understand, you are likely to see what is true about others, and not just what you want to see.
Perhaps you are thinking, "But what if I am not with the right woman or the right man?" That is a very important question. Of course, you have to choose the right woman or the right man. And what is the right woman, the right man? Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values -- emotionally, physically, economically, spiritually. How do you know if your partner is right for you?
The right woman for you is the woman you love just the way she is, the woman you don't have the need to change at all. That's the right woman for you. You are lucky if you find the right woman for you and at the same time you are the right man for her. You are going to be the right man for her if she loves you just the way you are and she doesn't want to change you. She doesn't have to be responsible for you; she can trust that you are going to be what you claim you are, what you project you are. She can be as honest as possible and project to you what she is. She will not come to you pretending to be something that you later discover she is not. The one who loves you, loves you just the way you are. Because if someone wants to change you, it means you are not what that person wants. Then why is she with you?
You know the kind of man or woman that you want? The one who makes your heart sing, the one who is aligned with the way you are, the one who loves you just as you are. Why set yourself up for something else? Why not get what you want? Why pretend to make someone fit what she is not? It doesn't mean you don't love her. It means you make a choice and say yes or no, because you love yourself also. You make a choice, and you are responsible for your choices. Then if the choices are not working well, you do not blame yourself. You simply make another choice.
There are millions of men and women, and each one is unique. Some will make a good match for you, and some won't make a good match at all. You can love everyone; but to deal with a person on an everyday basis, you will need someone more closely aligned to you. That person doesn't need to be exactly like you; the two of you only need to be like a key in lock -- a match that works.
You need to be honest with yourself, and honest with everyone else. Project what you feel you really are, and don't pretend to be what you are not. It's as if you are in a market: You are going to sell yourself, and you are also going to buy. In order to buy, you want to see the quality of what you are going to get. But in order to sell, you need to show others what you are. It isn't about being better or worse than someone else; it's about being what you are.
Can you see the possibilities a relationship offers? Explore the possibilities. Be yourself. Find a person who matches with you. Take the risk, but be honest. If it works, keep going. If it doesn't work, then do yourself and your partner a favor: Walk away; let her go. Don't be selfish. Give your partner the opportunity to find what she really wants, and at the same time give yourself the opportunity. If it's not going to work, it is better to look in a different direction. If you cannot love your partner the way she is, someone else can love her just as she is. Don't waste your time, and don't waste your partner's time. This is respect.
Perhaps you are thinking, "But what if I am not with the right woman or the right man?" That is a very important question. Of course, you have to choose the right woman or the right man. And what is the right woman, the right man? Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values -- emotionally, physically, economically, spiritually. How do you know if your partner is right for you?
The right woman for you is the woman you love just the way she is, the woman you don't have the need to change at all. That's the right woman for you. You are lucky if you find the right woman for you and at the same time you are the right man for her. You are going to be the right man for her if she loves you just the way you are and she doesn't want to change you. She doesn't have to be responsible for you; she can trust that you are going to be what you claim you are, what you project you are. She can be as honest as possible and project to you what she is. She will not come to you pretending to be something that you later discover she is not. The one who loves you, loves you just the way you are. Because if someone wants to change you, it means you are not what that person wants. Then why is she with you?
You know the kind of man or woman that you want? The one who makes your heart sing, the one who is aligned with the way you are, the one who loves you just as you are. Why set yourself up for something else? Why not get what you want? Why pretend to make someone fit what she is not? It doesn't mean you don't love her. It means you make a choice and say yes or no, because you love yourself also. You make a choice, and you are responsible for your choices. Then if the choices are not working well, you do not blame yourself. You simply make another choice.
There are millions of men and women, and each one is unique. Some will make a good match for you, and some won't make a good match at all. You can love everyone; but to deal with a person on an everyday basis, you will need someone more closely aligned to you. That person doesn't need to be exactly like you; the two of you only need to be like a key in lock -- a match that works.
You need to be honest with yourself, and honest with everyone else. Project what you feel you really are, and don't pretend to be what you are not. It's as if you are in a market: You are going to sell yourself, and you are also going to buy. In order to buy, you want to see the quality of what you are going to get. But in order to sell, you need to show others what you are. It isn't about being better or worse than someone else; it's about being what you are.
Can you see the possibilities a relationship offers? Explore the possibilities. Be yourself. Find a person who matches with you. Take the risk, but be honest. If it works, keep going. If it doesn't work, then do yourself and your partner a favor: Walk away; let her go. Don't be selfish. Give your partner the opportunity to find what she really wants, and at the same time give yourself the opportunity. If it's not going to work, it is better to look in a different direction. If you cannot love your partner the way she is, someone else can love her just as she is. Don't waste your time, and don't waste your partner's time. This is respect.