Hello kids!
It's been a really good weekend. Now I'm getting ready to head into work. Loadin' a bowl and touchin' it. Breakfast of champions.
My depressive 'lil red head is in town this weekend. It's been nice. We've taken her niece (2yrs old) out to Garden 'o da Gawds for a picnic (with no food, but we did have a blanket and a meadow). I don't know if I've ever enjoyed hanging out with a toddler so much in my life. Adoreable! The things they will say... Sometimes funny, sometimes complex and deep, sometimes it's just gibberish. She's in that sharing ultra compassionante stage so it just warms the heart to be around her I guess. The next day we picked up her nephew and went for a hike on the backside of pikes peak near the Crags. It was snowed in from the recent cold weather we've gotten, so we didn't make it to the actual trail head. It was still nice to walk along the snow covered road next to the mountain stream. So beautiful. I expected Pete Coors to pop out and try to sell me a beer. Side note: this guy running for congress just scares me. Before we picked up Nate we stopped off at a little westside graveyard to smoke. Nate is 13 now so we don't smoke around him openly. Trina knows a couple of kids who are buried there. On the far west side there's a section of grave yard that is pretty much the ghetto side. It's more scrub weeds than grass, and headstones are meager if they exist at all. We sat above Nicky's grave and shotgunned our hits as the dogs sniffed and wandered to und fro. *shotgunning hits for those who aren't aware of the term is locking lips and exhaling your hit into your partner's lungs. Kind of recycling the hit. I like to do it because it's akin to kissing. ;-)
Well, she's heading back down to Canyon City today. Unrequited love is a bitch y'all. She was too tired to come over and stay the night last night. Which is too bad as I want to lie next to her more than anything. Her hugs have felt a bit more meaty and passionate... usually I get a one arm half assed hug. And just to make sure I keep a healthy set of blue balls, she turns her head just enough so I get lips full of cheek when I went to kiss her good night.
I've talked with her more than once to make sure my demonstrated affections for her are not a bad thing and unwanted. Basically what it comes down to is that she does feel a connection with me. She's not hating that I show my feelings towards her, but I guess it's just going to be rare that she's in the mood. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!
Why would I keep frustrating myself like this you ask. 'Dunno', I respond. Who knows how deep and black my pot of emotional stew gets?
I haven't closed the doors to anyone else. Maybe someone is out there that will give me the affection, feedback and communication that I need. But for some reason this girl has my heart right now. I just wish she had me loins as well.
Maybe it's a saviour complex. I mean I really really want to see her happy. I also want to see her in the throws of passion. Mmmmmmm if we were in a tent right now.... In many ways (and I've talked with her a bit about this) she's asexual... just not intersted in anything. To me that just seems too bad. I did a session of 20 questions with her on a sunday morning in Feb when I went out to visit her in Kansas (where she had moved to for a short time). Had to do 20 questions because the communication thing. She was very honest and forthright. One of my first questions was does she masturbate. She said yeah sometimes... I was happily surprised. Like I said, I really want her to be passionante. I've been debating buying her a small demure vibrator to express that.
I'm hoping that as she gets a job and insurance and thus back on meds and back in therapy (anorexic among other issues) that a happy spark starts to fire up in her.
In the meantime... Christ it's spring, it's mating season and I need to get laid!
It's been a really good weekend. Now I'm getting ready to head into work. Loadin' a bowl and touchin' it. Breakfast of champions.
My depressive 'lil red head is in town this weekend. It's been nice. We've taken her niece (2yrs old) out to Garden 'o da Gawds for a picnic (with no food, but we did have a blanket and a meadow). I don't know if I've ever enjoyed hanging out with a toddler so much in my life. Adoreable! The things they will say... Sometimes funny, sometimes complex and deep, sometimes it's just gibberish. She's in that sharing ultra compassionante stage so it just warms the heart to be around her I guess. The next day we picked up her nephew and went for a hike on the backside of pikes peak near the Crags. It was snowed in from the recent cold weather we've gotten, so we didn't make it to the actual trail head. It was still nice to walk along the snow covered road next to the mountain stream. So beautiful. I expected Pete Coors to pop out and try to sell me a beer. Side note: this guy running for congress just scares me. Before we picked up Nate we stopped off at a little westside graveyard to smoke. Nate is 13 now so we don't smoke around him openly. Trina knows a couple of kids who are buried there. On the far west side there's a section of grave yard that is pretty much the ghetto side. It's more scrub weeds than grass, and headstones are meager if they exist at all. We sat above Nicky's grave and shotgunned our hits as the dogs sniffed and wandered to und fro. *shotgunning hits for those who aren't aware of the term is locking lips and exhaling your hit into your partner's lungs. Kind of recycling the hit. I like to do it because it's akin to kissing. ;-)
Well, she's heading back down to Canyon City today. Unrequited love is a bitch y'all. She was too tired to come over and stay the night last night. Which is too bad as I want to lie next to her more than anything. Her hugs have felt a bit more meaty and passionate... usually I get a one arm half assed hug. And just to make sure I keep a healthy set of blue balls, she turns her head just enough so I get lips full of cheek when I went to kiss her good night.
I've talked with her more than once to make sure my demonstrated affections for her are not a bad thing and unwanted. Basically what it comes down to is that she does feel a connection with me. She's not hating that I show my feelings towards her, but I guess it's just going to be rare that she's in the mood. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!
Why would I keep frustrating myself like this you ask. 'Dunno', I respond. Who knows how deep and black my pot of emotional stew gets?
I haven't closed the doors to anyone else. Maybe someone is out there that will give me the affection, feedback and communication that I need. But for some reason this girl has my heart right now. I just wish she had me loins as well.
Maybe it's a saviour complex. I mean I really really want to see her happy. I also want to see her in the throws of passion. Mmmmmmm if we were in a tent right now.... In many ways (and I've talked with her a bit about this) she's asexual... just not intersted in anything. To me that just seems too bad. I did a session of 20 questions with her on a sunday morning in Feb when I went out to visit her in Kansas (where she had moved to for a short time). Had to do 20 questions because the communication thing. She was very honest and forthright. One of my first questions was does she masturbate. She said yeah sometimes... I was happily surprised. Like I said, I really want her to be passionante. I've been debating buying her a small demure vibrator to express that.
I'm hoping that as she gets a job and insurance and thus back on meds and back in therapy (anorexic among other issues) that a happy spark starts to fire up in her.
In the meantime... Christ it's spring, it's mating season and I need to get laid!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
doublec:
thank you!!!!
thank you!!!!
samanthakayne:
you really had me for a minute there, my dear... 