Hi Blog,
So this is my last postwell, my last post regarding the psycho-journey that Ive been on for the last several months. I feel the need to close this and move on. Ive dwelt on these issues enough and need to say some things here to wrap everything up. First of all, I want to thank everyone who has shown me such kindness and love and patienceas Ive spilled my guts over all this stuff. The bullying issues and the heartache over my dads (and mothers, too) death were tough issues to relate. I know now that many people here have gone through some of the same experiences in their livesthat reading of my experiences may have brought up emotions in their hearts that were hard to deal with personally. If I made anyone uncomfortable with my revelations and ramblings I do apologize. My intent in writing what I did was to shed some of the pain I feel and let people know that I understand what others may feel and that I am here to help and listento give back as much love and caring as Ive received from everyone here. I hope that makes sense.
Some time ago I was on the verge of suicideto the point of having a plan in place I had a note, my affairs sort of in order, the means, etcall of it worked out. Whenever I came to the edge of hell a friend (or friends to be more accurate) here brought me backpulled me away from the edge and showed me how stupid it would be to end a life that isnt complete yet. My time, whenever it does come, wont be at my own hand. I have too much work to do yet, too many drawings and paintings to create, too much to give, especially love.
I recently heard an interview on NPR with Michael Caine, one of my favorite actors. He said he felt comfortable in his own skin and didnt think he had to prove himself or justify (Im paraphrasing) his actions to anyonehe is his own man. I have taken those things on as a mantra of sorts. I almost feel comfortable in my own skingetting closer every day, and as far as proving myself to anyone other than myself, well I am getting to that place, too. When I do a portrait of a friend here I care very deeply how they feel about it. However, deep down I am very happy with it otherwise I wouldnt post it for anyone, least of all the person its for, to see. I guess what I mean is, I am getting more confident as an artist to do a piece of art, send it out here for anyone to see, and let it gonot dwell on anything other than the joy of creating the piece of art in the first place. If a friend isnt all that happy with it, then I hope they would tell meI can take it (now).
So, I am at a place where I think I can change gears and talk about something elseshare other things that may be more interesting??? I dont knowI just want everyone to know how much I appreciate the caring, the unending supportthe love all of you have shown me. You guys are the best, the absolute BEST!!! I know I will think of more to sayI always do that, think of something else to say AFTER I post a blog!
Anyway, here is another watercolor of Amarena hot off the press I like the way her arm turned outkinda nice have a great weekend all you lovelies!!!
So this is my last postwell, my last post regarding the psycho-journey that Ive been on for the last several months. I feel the need to close this and move on. Ive dwelt on these issues enough and need to say some things here to wrap everything up. First of all, I want to thank everyone who has shown me such kindness and love and patienceas Ive spilled my guts over all this stuff. The bullying issues and the heartache over my dads (and mothers, too) death were tough issues to relate. I know now that many people here have gone through some of the same experiences in their livesthat reading of my experiences may have brought up emotions in their hearts that were hard to deal with personally. If I made anyone uncomfortable with my revelations and ramblings I do apologize. My intent in writing what I did was to shed some of the pain I feel and let people know that I understand what others may feel and that I am here to help and listento give back as much love and caring as Ive received from everyone here. I hope that makes sense.
Some time ago I was on the verge of suicideto the point of having a plan in place I had a note, my affairs sort of in order, the means, etcall of it worked out. Whenever I came to the edge of hell a friend (or friends to be more accurate) here brought me backpulled me away from the edge and showed me how stupid it would be to end a life that isnt complete yet. My time, whenever it does come, wont be at my own hand. I have too much work to do yet, too many drawings and paintings to create, too much to give, especially love.
I recently heard an interview on NPR with Michael Caine, one of my favorite actors. He said he felt comfortable in his own skin and didnt think he had to prove himself or justify (Im paraphrasing) his actions to anyonehe is his own man. I have taken those things on as a mantra of sorts. I almost feel comfortable in my own skingetting closer every day, and as far as proving myself to anyone other than myself, well I am getting to that place, too. When I do a portrait of a friend here I care very deeply how they feel about it. However, deep down I am very happy with it otherwise I wouldnt post it for anyone, least of all the person its for, to see. I guess what I mean is, I am getting more confident as an artist to do a piece of art, send it out here for anyone to see, and let it gonot dwell on anything other than the joy of creating the piece of art in the first place. If a friend isnt all that happy with it, then I hope they would tell meI can take it (now).
So, I am at a place where I think I can change gears and talk about something elseshare other things that may be more interesting??? I dont knowI just want everyone to know how much I appreciate the caring, the unending supportthe love all of you have shown me. You guys are the best, the absolute BEST!!! I know I will think of more to sayI always do that, think of something else to say AFTER I post a blog!
Anyway, here is another watercolor of Amarena hot off the press I like the way her arm turned outkinda nice have a great weekend all you lovelies!!!
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I am also on a daily journey to accept myself for who I am. I hope that we both can come to be "comfortable in our own skin". We deserve it, dammit!
And, babe, that watercolor you made of me is INSANE! The colors are so lovely, and the shading on the arm is killer! Good work. (I may have to pimp out this piece in my next blog lol)