Hi Blog,
Once again it has been an amazing week, full of ups and downs. This emotional rollercoaster Ive been on for the last several years is no less upsetting, no less scary as hell, but something is changing. Something positive is happening I think. At long last the demons grip on me is loosening. He still threatens to drag me back to hell, but its as if my strength to resist is building. I still feel like Im trying to ice skate uphill half the time, but the slope is leveling out, or beginning to anyway.
I know one reason for it, for the strength building in meits because of my friends here. You, all of you, by your messages and comments, show me such support, caring, and loveyou give me hope. You also show me things about myself I didnt know existed. For too long I have felt lost, alone, forgottenworthless. I had no idea what people saw in me because I was afraid to look myself and didnt trust anyone enough to even listen. There are a few of you who keep after me to look inside myself and see the decent person living there. Im still not completely convinced54 years of no self-esteem takes awhile to work through after all. Im willing to keep at it and keep listening. A few years ago I nearly took my own life3 times. Something told me to stop, that I had a reason to be here. I know one reason is to somehowand it will happen somedaygive back all the caring and love my friends here have shown me. With each drawing I do, each watercolor, each comment and message I send, I try to do that. My sincere and urgent hope and desire is that those feelings come through. If I could hug all of you I would. If I could erase all of your cares and fears, I would. If I can listen to you as youve listened to me, I willthat I KNOW I can do. All of youALL OF YOUmake me want to be, work hard to be, a better man.
Blog, I am a bit tired, emotionally and physically. I am posting two drawings hereone of Starfuck that I sent to her but thought Id post again nowand my latest of Parker, a dear friend and sweetheart. I will post another watercolor shortly (have to finish it first! LOL) of Amarena and then I am starting another drawingI just love drawing the sweetest, loveliest, most beautiful ladies on the planeteveryone here!
Once again it has been an amazing week, full of ups and downs. This emotional rollercoaster Ive been on for the last several years is no less upsetting, no less scary as hell, but something is changing. Something positive is happening I think. At long last the demons grip on me is loosening. He still threatens to drag me back to hell, but its as if my strength to resist is building. I still feel like Im trying to ice skate uphill half the time, but the slope is leveling out, or beginning to anyway.
I know one reason for it, for the strength building in meits because of my friends here. You, all of you, by your messages and comments, show me such support, caring, and loveyou give me hope. You also show me things about myself I didnt know existed. For too long I have felt lost, alone, forgottenworthless. I had no idea what people saw in me because I was afraid to look myself and didnt trust anyone enough to even listen. There are a few of you who keep after me to look inside myself and see the decent person living there. Im still not completely convinced54 years of no self-esteem takes awhile to work through after all. Im willing to keep at it and keep listening. A few years ago I nearly took my own life3 times. Something told me to stop, that I had a reason to be here. I know one reason is to somehowand it will happen somedaygive back all the caring and love my friends here have shown me. With each drawing I do, each watercolor, each comment and message I send, I try to do that. My sincere and urgent hope and desire is that those feelings come through. If I could hug all of you I would. If I could erase all of your cares and fears, I would. If I can listen to you as youve listened to me, I willthat I KNOW I can do. All of youALL OF YOUmake me want to be, work hard to be, a better man.
Blog, I am a bit tired, emotionally and physically. I am posting two drawings hereone of Starfuck that I sent to her but thought Id post again nowand my latest of Parker, a dear friend and sweetheart. I will post another watercolor shortly (have to finish it first! LOL) of Amarena and then I am starting another drawingI just love drawing the sweetest, loveliest, most beautiful ladies on the planeteveryone here!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
briscoe:
i thought i'd stop by and say hello and that your work is truly amazing. you have a wonderful knack for capturing not only the physical likenesses but also the sparks of life that make these women so interesting and beautiful. especially in the eyes, you can see that mischief and sensuality. 
can't wait to see the newest one of my darling Amarena!
can't wait to see the newest one of my darling Amarena!
rebelle:
AMAZING !