When he was 23, my friend Steve killed himself, and though I dont think of him every day, I do think of him often, and I wonder what kind of life hed have now if hed gotten help for his Depression. Being 40 and recalling being 23, I cant imagine a person ending a life that is just beginning.
I thought about Steve today when I read Jenny Lawsons post about suicide and depression.
Jenny says:
Talking about suicide makes me think suicidal thoughts, which is probably one of the stupidest triggers in the history of the world.
Nonetheless, its important that we do speak up and that were aware of the dangers inherent in the world we live in. And its not just about those of us with mental illness. About one in four adults suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. That means if you think about your 10 favorite people in the whole world two of them could be at risk of suicide. Thats why its so important to recognize the warning signs and to know how to get help for yourself or others. If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide call 800-273-TALK, or click here for resources.
But for today lets talk about the positives. Lets talk about why were still here. Lets talk about the words that help us get through. Lets talk about the pictures and places and songs that saved us, because maybe they can save others.
Im here because my daughter saves me every day.
The words that help me make it through are Depression lies.
I havent ever talked about this in public, but todays a good day to start.
I havent ever felt suicidal, but I do have Depression and Anxiety. I suffered for no good reason for decades, until I couldnt reconcile my awesome life with feeling terrible all the time. Talking therapy wasnt ever enough for me, and I was very resistant to medication, because I believed (and continue to believe) that we are an over-medicated culture.
But, still, I wouldnt just sit around and suffer if I had a treatable non-mental illness, so I went to a doctor, and I got better. Now, I take some medication every morning, and it has made all the difference in my life.
I remember the first week after I started meds, Anne and I were out for a walk. I felt her hand in mine, and realized that I didnt have any lingering tension or unhappiness just buzzing around in my skull. I was just enjoying a walk with my wife, and holding her hand.
And I began to cry, because I was so happy.
Its like I was in a loud room for so long, I didnt know how loud it was, I said, and all I have now is the ringing in my ears.
She squeezed my hand and I said, Im going to remember that ringing in my ears, so I never go back into that room again.
That was about four years ago, and Im happy to say that Ive stayed out of the room. I can actually enjoy my friends, my family, and my life. I have bad days from time to time, but I know theyll pass, and most important of all I may have Depression, but Depression doesnt have me. I know thats sort of corny, but its pretty accurate, too.
So, please, if you or someone you know suffer from Depression with or without thoughts of suicide please talk to someone, and get help from a doctor. As Jenny says, Depression lies, and you dont need to let it control your life.
missed you!!!! how are things?