It's been a bit of a crazy couple of weeks for me really. I don't think the fact that I've burnt myself out studying and working full time has helped my mental state too much, and it's probably partly responsible for my mini breakdown I had last week.
That said, there were issues that needed to be raised, and I'm dealing with what needs to be dealt with.
I know I have the tendency to over-react to some things, and I know I need to work on that too.
I wanted to thank everyone for their comments on my last blog, I realised a few things. I know that someone else's behaviour is not a reflection on me as a person, I just have a hard time seeing that sometimes. I try my best to be a good person, to be caring and supportive, and a good friend... I guess it just frustrates me when this behaviour is not reciprocated.
I think that one of the main issues surrounding my depression is the fact that I judge myself based on other people's opinions of me. If I'm being treated like shit, I take that to mean that I am shit. Likewise, if I'm being treated like a good person, I feel good about myself. I know that it's not healthy to think that way, but I guess I got into that way of thinking from a very young age and find it difficult to snap myself out of it. I know that once I am comfortable with myself and train myself not to get so hung up on what everyone else thinks of me, I'll be out of the woods. I'm making progress, it's just a case of identifying the abnormal thought processes and kicking them the fuck out.
I've been reading a lot of Kierkegaard today, I find his work very interesting. I think this quote fits in well with the above, so I thought I'd post it:
A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him.
My aim for this year is to absorb as much information as possible, to enrich my mind with knowledge, culture and new experiences. I've been neglecting my mind a little recently, and I feel now is the time to do something about it. I'm naturally excessively curious, I want to know everything about everything, I want to see everything, I want to do everything.
So why the hell not?
This year isn't about broken relationships, rebuilding lives, deceit or betrayal.
This year is about me, and me alone.
It's about time I concentrated on myself and stopped worrying about other people.
Wil
x
""Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." - Soren Kierkegaard
That said, there were issues that needed to be raised, and I'm dealing with what needs to be dealt with.
I know I have the tendency to over-react to some things, and I know I need to work on that too.
I wanted to thank everyone for their comments on my last blog, I realised a few things. I know that someone else's behaviour is not a reflection on me as a person, I just have a hard time seeing that sometimes. I try my best to be a good person, to be caring and supportive, and a good friend... I guess it just frustrates me when this behaviour is not reciprocated.
I think that one of the main issues surrounding my depression is the fact that I judge myself based on other people's opinions of me. If I'm being treated like shit, I take that to mean that I am shit. Likewise, if I'm being treated like a good person, I feel good about myself. I know that it's not healthy to think that way, but I guess I got into that way of thinking from a very young age and find it difficult to snap myself out of it. I know that once I am comfortable with myself and train myself not to get so hung up on what everyone else thinks of me, I'll be out of the woods. I'm making progress, it's just a case of identifying the abnormal thought processes and kicking them the fuck out.
I've been reading a lot of Kierkegaard today, I find his work very interesting. I think this quote fits in well with the above, so I thought I'd post it:
A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him.
My aim for this year is to absorb as much information as possible, to enrich my mind with knowledge, culture and new experiences. I've been neglecting my mind a little recently, and I feel now is the time to do something about it. I'm naturally excessively curious, I want to know everything about everything, I want to see everything, I want to do everything.
So why the hell not?
This year isn't about broken relationships, rebuilding lives, deceit or betrayal.
This year is about me, and me alone.
It's about time I concentrated on myself and stopped worrying about other people.
Wil
x
""Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." - Soren Kierkegaard
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Sounds like I could do with reading a bit of Kierkegaard (although I think I'm going to start with Sartre as his atheist views more reflect my own than the theology-rooted ones of Kierkegaard, and also I don't know what I'm talking about). I'm not well read at all. But as we're doing quotes, here's one:
"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved." -Kurt Vonnegut (who I'd file under philosophy not science fiction, although he wrote great sci-fi too).
Sadly there is always going to be a certain percentage of jerky dudes out there who will attempt to extort whatever favors they can out of a girl with little regard for her feelings. One can't help but feel badly when it happens. It is no failure on your part if you react negatively to being treated badly or if you feel blue about it for a while. It's only natural. But there are also a ton of great guys out there. It seems you recognize that fact, so it's just a matter of meeting them. I hope you get lucky and meet some of the good guys sooner vs later, and learn to write off the bad guys from the start.
If you think about it, trying to pressure a girl into sex is a pretty lame approach to seduction and lovemaking. As is trying to make her feel badly for declining. When you get a little older you will learn exactly how laughable an approach it is and not take it to heart so much or feel it is any reflection on you so much as it is a reflection of how immature that guy is.
Best of luck with the studies. Schoolwork can be depressing because it is never really done. Cute pic.