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wilona

Croydon

Member Since 2008

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Tuesday Jan 13, 2009

Jan 13, 2009
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Okay, so I'm feeling a bit blue.

I thought things were going well in most aspects of my life, but for some reason it just seems to be falling apart, bit by bit. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but I have this awful sense of dread in my gut. Like if enough pieces fall apart, I'll be thrown back tino a horrible place that I don't ever want to return to.

The year didn't exactly get off to a good start, as some of you read in my previous blogs. I guess that just set the tone for the rest of the month.

Rant number one:

I really thought things were going well with the ex. It was nice keeping in touch, saying hello every now and again, talking about normal things like normal people. And then out of nowhere, I started getting these disgusting text messages, basically harassing me for sex. I kept trying to change the subject until I eventually had to tell him to fuck off and stop being a dick, after the messages got even more graphic and creepy. He even offered me weed for sexual favours o.O

It just made me realise that I attract the worst kind of guys, and that men (except for a small minority) tend to treat me like total crap. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just want someone to show me a bit of respect, and for guys to stop treating me like I'm some kind of toy.

I don't sleep around, I don't sleep with strangers and I don't sleep with people that I'm not genuinely interested in. I don't deserve to be treated in such a derogatory way, by anyone! And especially not my deranged ex-boyfriend.

Rant number two:

I'm becoming aware that things aren't always what they seem. Over the last couple of weeks, I've noticed certain people being a bit off with me, and I honestly don't know why. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I feel like I'm losing something.

If I've done something wrong, or someone's got an issue with me, I'd rather them just be honest with me. Tell me straight. But people are either too nice, or too pussy to say anything to my face.

Meh.

It's just... I know I'm a good person.
Well no... I thought I was a good person.
But the way people have been treating me lately makes me want to change my mind about that.

I don't know anymore frown


VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
vortext:
ill let you guys see me when I'm like Ironman with this comedy shit.

hows things? you get all your maths done?
Jan 17, 2009
agata:
awww i went to hospital with pains in my stomach back in november and the NHS nearly killed me. I went back in for an operation a couple of weeks ago and it went well but there were complications and i ended up in a bit of a state. but yay! im home now! biggrin finally!
Jan 18, 2009

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