I am okay .... I am always okay .... one of the beauties of being emotionally stunted is that one is always okay .... I see it as a benefit .... more self control, less illogical responses .... better adaptation .... hit me with your fucking car and I will be okay .... been there, giggled then .... always okay ....
my father died of a heart attack a month ago .... a rather painful one too, by the sounds of it .... I can not deny crying my ass off .... actually, it was my stepfather, but we were still close .... he was very good person .... I learned a lot from him about how to treat people, be good, be respectful .... now I am worried to hell about my mother .... dammit ....
I am a happy go lucky guy .... fuck it all, why be bummed, just laugh at everything .... giggling is healthy, even if it confuses others .... fuck them anyways, they should learn to laugh more ....
fucking cat has put me over the edge .... maybe I was not okay .... maybe I am not .... best friend of 17 years died from cancer .... little bugger deserved a more peaceful death, too sweet to suffer like that .... spent a lot of money trying to help her get past it .... found it way too late .... would have sold myself to help her if it was possible ....
never been this way before .... never been this depressed .... so illogical .... does not help anything .... here I was worried about how I did not have a will outlining who should take care of her when a car finally did me in .... never considered she would go first ....
I miss giggling .... feels odd the rare times I do now .... logic suggests this will all pass .... I will be normal again .... figuring this blog will help with the reset .... nice thing is my obscurity .... just a fleeting ghost in the back of the room .... this will not be read .... but at least it makes it feel like having chatted with someone .... since this is not really something to chat with anyone about .... they have their own shit to shovel ....
yeah, I know I will be okay .... per usual .... just need to find that fucking reset button .... and somewhere to bury my poor kitty .... damn it all .... fuck heart attacks and fuck cancer .... fuck everyone else too .... stop asking why I am not laughing and giggling as much as usual .... I need more drinks ....
my father died of a heart attack a month ago .... a rather painful one too, by the sounds of it .... I can not deny crying my ass off .... actually, it was my stepfather, but we were still close .... he was very good person .... I learned a lot from him about how to treat people, be good, be respectful .... now I am worried to hell about my mother .... dammit ....
I am a happy go lucky guy .... fuck it all, why be bummed, just laugh at everything .... giggling is healthy, even if it confuses others .... fuck them anyways, they should learn to laugh more ....
fucking cat has put me over the edge .... maybe I was not okay .... maybe I am not .... best friend of 17 years died from cancer .... little bugger deserved a more peaceful death, too sweet to suffer like that .... spent a lot of money trying to help her get past it .... found it way too late .... would have sold myself to help her if it was possible ....
never been this way before .... never been this depressed .... so illogical .... does not help anything .... here I was worried about how I did not have a will outlining who should take care of her when a car finally did me in .... never considered she would go first ....
I miss giggling .... feels odd the rare times I do now .... logic suggests this will all pass .... I will be normal again .... figuring this blog will help with the reset .... nice thing is my obscurity .... just a fleeting ghost in the back of the room .... this will not be read .... but at least it makes it feel like having chatted with someone .... since this is not really something to chat with anyone about .... they have their own shit to shovel ....
yeah, I know I will be okay .... per usual .... just need to find that fucking reset button .... and somewhere to bury my poor kitty .... damn it all .... fuck heart attacks and fuck cancer .... fuck everyone else too .... stop asking why I am not laughing and giggling as much as usual .... I need more drinks ....
laurelin:
jaaaaaason 
let's go out. poor critter, I have been not very happy as of late either. that is a lot for you to deal with. can't imagine going through that loss. you have my number now, I usually go out for drinks after i get outta work. let me know 
let's go out. poor critter, I have been not very happy as of late either. that is a lot for you to deal with. can't imagine going through that loss. you have my number now, I usually go out for drinks after i get outta work. let me know