Hello again blog reading folk. i've been putting this off for a while now. i've tried to write it a few times but my life's been a bit all over the place lately. it's been a very hectic month for me. i've come to several epiphonous, life-changing conclusions! i've seriously questioned what i've done with my life and what i want to do. and i've come to a conclusion...
I'll start from the beginning first though. ever since i' was 16, after my last surgery, i dedicated my life to becoming a physicist. i didn't really wonder why, it just felt like the right thing to do. and, to be honest, what the hell else was i gonna do?! i hate to say it, but working that hard completely skewed my entire life. the few friends i had became more acquaintances, and nothing really panned out, socially. I got my desired results and started the exact same process again, except this time it was easier to exclude people. i'd gotten used to it. i have two or three people in college i can say hi to, but not much more than that. to get to the point: i'm dropping out of college, at the end of this year, with an ordinary degree
about two weeks ago i started to write down what i was thinking throughout the day, and it struck me, clear as day. i'm not happy. and it's because of colllege. don't get me wrong, i love the place. i love what i learn, how i learn, everything about it! but it's ruining my life. that brings me to part 2 of the month of epiphany. i'm not going to go into it, but i've faced my mortality, in a pretty profound way. i've looked at all of my life and realised where my priorities lie. i'm not staying at college to complete a degree, i KNOW i'm not going to use. defeats the purpose. this is a HUGE step for me. my whole life for 20 (almost 21) has revolved around education. i've always known i wanted to be a scientist, i love science, physics and maths, with everything i have! but it's not feasible. i know that now. this is the hardest decision i've ever had to make, but when i get down to it, i would prefer to be happy. i want a life i can look back on, where i'm not alone. i need to experience things! people, places! everything
that brings me to part 3 of the epiphonous month! i have decided personally, that i'm trying everything, talking to everyone and saying a big fuck you to embarrassment! i don't care anymore. life is too short to care about what people think! up until now i have shyed away from every social behaviour. but not anymore. i feel i can break through my nervous, terrified facade and really talk to people. everyone! i met a new friend in college the other day. and i chatted! at ease. he even offered me pot and i was like "nah, i'm ok" and he said fine. then we continued talking! smooth or what?! first time i've even seen drugs and i was like "yeah, go for it", but without nerves or awkwardness! i'm slowly changing into the person i've wanted to be! the person i CAN be on the internet. and that's the main idea. this site, and the people on it have made me realise this. i CAN be the person i want to be. my whole life so far has been based around feeling inadequate, being terrified by people, unable to interact and IT'S TIME TO CHANGE
part 4: i've been saving up, for about 5 years now. don't know why! just didn't spend it. but that's about to change. i'm going to visit all the places i've wanted to go! everywhere i can! i don't care about the humiliation and pain of plane travel! THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING! USA, Canada, Japan, Australia, Scandinavia. I'M MAKING IT HAPPEN. my first plan is to hit up the US of A next year. around the summertime mark for a month. north east area, maybe down to florida, if i have the time! this is going to be the first of many trips, assuming i don't run out of money! I am completely terrified but i'm DOING IT!
that's about all i can muster on this subject at the minute! it's intense work
haha at the minute i'm playing Crowded House for my mam. and i can't help but sing along! brain-washing! it works
pictures of this week:
1.
i found these old memory cards the other day! excellent...
2.
new Eddie picture! This dude's awesome
peace out y'all
I'll start from the beginning first though. ever since i' was 16, after my last surgery, i dedicated my life to becoming a physicist. i didn't really wonder why, it just felt like the right thing to do. and, to be honest, what the hell else was i gonna do?! i hate to say it, but working that hard completely skewed my entire life. the few friends i had became more acquaintances, and nothing really panned out, socially. I got my desired results and started the exact same process again, except this time it was easier to exclude people. i'd gotten used to it. i have two or three people in college i can say hi to, but not much more than that. to get to the point: i'm dropping out of college, at the end of this year, with an ordinary degree
about two weeks ago i started to write down what i was thinking throughout the day, and it struck me, clear as day. i'm not happy. and it's because of colllege. don't get me wrong, i love the place. i love what i learn, how i learn, everything about it! but it's ruining my life. that brings me to part 2 of the month of epiphany. i'm not going to go into it, but i've faced my mortality, in a pretty profound way. i've looked at all of my life and realised where my priorities lie. i'm not staying at college to complete a degree, i KNOW i'm not going to use. defeats the purpose. this is a HUGE step for me. my whole life for 20 (almost 21) has revolved around education. i've always known i wanted to be a scientist, i love science, physics and maths, with everything i have! but it's not feasible. i know that now. this is the hardest decision i've ever had to make, but when i get down to it, i would prefer to be happy. i want a life i can look back on, where i'm not alone. i need to experience things! people, places! everything
that brings me to part 3 of the epiphonous month! i have decided personally, that i'm trying everything, talking to everyone and saying a big fuck you to embarrassment! i don't care anymore. life is too short to care about what people think! up until now i have shyed away from every social behaviour. but not anymore. i feel i can break through my nervous, terrified facade and really talk to people. everyone! i met a new friend in college the other day. and i chatted! at ease. he even offered me pot and i was like "nah, i'm ok" and he said fine. then we continued talking! smooth or what?! first time i've even seen drugs and i was like "yeah, go for it", but without nerves or awkwardness! i'm slowly changing into the person i've wanted to be! the person i CAN be on the internet. and that's the main idea. this site, and the people on it have made me realise this. i CAN be the person i want to be. my whole life so far has been based around feeling inadequate, being terrified by people, unable to interact and IT'S TIME TO CHANGE
part 4: i've been saving up, for about 5 years now. don't know why! just didn't spend it. but that's about to change. i'm going to visit all the places i've wanted to go! everywhere i can! i don't care about the humiliation and pain of plane travel! THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING! USA, Canada, Japan, Australia, Scandinavia. I'M MAKING IT HAPPEN. my first plan is to hit up the US of A next year. around the summertime mark for a month. north east area, maybe down to florida, if i have the time! this is going to be the first of many trips, assuming i don't run out of money! I am completely terrified but i'm DOING IT!
that's about all i can muster on this subject at the minute! it's intense work
haha at the minute i'm playing Crowded House for my mam. and i can't help but sing along! brain-washing! it works
pictures of this week:
1.
i found these old memory cards the other day! excellent...
2.
new Eddie picture! This dude's awesome
peace out y'all
VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
xylah:
xylah:
He he that is the point