Chapter 4:
In the end I found I wasn’t testing you. I was testing myself. Now I had to find the strength to let her go, when I was already loosing my grip. I had to trust that you would catch me like she did before.
Letting go was taking a chance on trust. That is why it hurt so much when she didn’t come back. Because, when I said, “I love you,” I said more than that with in those three words. I made a promise. I told her that I would be there when she needed me. I told her that I needed her. I told her she’s the one I wanted to be with, the one I care for, the one that stays on my mind all the damn time. I told her that she drives me crazy when I’m with her and even more when she’s not around. I told her I try my best to be her man and she can have me. I told her to keep my heart when I said, “I love you.”
That is why I didn’t want to leave her. It was like breaking a promise that I had held onto for so long. And when you do that… Sometimes it may result in losing hope and self-confidence. The pain from it may inflict injury that could become permanent. You just can’t stop loving someone over night. Love is the hardest promise to break.
Like the rose you were, I held on as long as I could. I held you so tight your thorns broke through my skin and dug deep into my palms causing me to bleed. To embrace you, I had to embrace the pain. And forget I was…
Pricked By The Thorns
I’ve made mistakes in my past.
But none worse than I have made in love.
I have confused it for another.
To eager to find,
I confused it for lust.
I’ve created a false trust with these women.
How do you deal with love found…?
Love lost?
I am lost.
Lost in a field of black roses,
Looking for that one red rose.
And as it may be,
A fool is I when I do find it.
For I must reach out and grab it,
Taking advantage of it.
And am repaid in my own blood,
By the pricking of its thorns.
A pain so harsh,
I bleed from my eyes.
Crying onto the night,
Asking for forgiveness.
Praying to God for a second chance.
But for now,
I’m simply lost
Looking again for that same rose,
With only the memories of it’s sweet smell.
And if I have lost that rose forever,
Then pray for me
Pray for me to be able to move on,
Alone,
In life.