whiskeyfightpit

I never said I didn't have a bottle of schmaltz in my cupboard. Taste the blade, nyuckah. I can't get it right. The books of William Carlos Williams poetry can only go so far. Rumple Minze tastes like sweet defeat. Cigarettes embalm my petroleum whore chariot. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper is pickling my liver with the springtime delights of phosphorus. I feel a good whiskey bender in my knee cartilage. It's like a weather vane for poison. Chalk one up for the lone wolf, grace. Pappy's here for the long haul without a degree on the wall. Love.

Here it is...Schmaltz Theater brought to you by the fine folks at Benadryl and Altoids...only the finest in street drugs. Judas requested some new words, and this was the best I could dredge from the prehistoric swamp where my imagination was dumped in haste. Gangland style.

TAKEN LIVE FOR THE SENTIMENT SOLD

Hello and Welcome. My name is Gregory. Its a pleasure to meet you.

Well, Hello to you Gregory. My name is Radiance. Its a pleasure to meet you as well.

Ah, Radiance must be your working name, correct?

You got it, mister. Cant be too careful during these times. Too much desperation in the air and too many freaks breathin it in, ya know what I mean?

Ha Ha, of course.

Say, you got anything to drink In this little suite, Gregory? The walk up here has got me a little famished.

Sure, Sure. Ive got some diet soda and seltzer in that mini fridge. Help yourself.

No, No amber eyes. I need something with a bit of a right hook to it, if you catch my drift.

To add to that radiance I suppose?

Aww, a clever one to boot, this might be an interesting couple of hours.

There is a bottle of Cuervo in the bathroom sink. Maybe a couple of Rolling Rocks there too. Take your fill.

Mind if I change while Im helping myself to those spirits?

Go right ahead, Radiance.

Okay. Lets get the business end of this thing out of the way. Now my first hour is two and a half. Each hour after that is one and a half. Im not a five star chef, so theres no dicing of the hours into minutes. Like a late night gas station, I gotta get the scratch up front before any of that refined black gold hits the tank, capeche?

Certainly. Like you said, you cant be too careful.

Which brings us into the ground rules. Greg, you seem like a square deal but I gotta get the commandments to the tablets, ya dig?

Of course, Radiance. I understand.

Good. I play a clean, old fashioned game. Very Vince Lombardi compared to some of these spring heels on the beat. I dont do violence or pain. No police gear shenanigans. Also, If its something that you take care of in a restroom, than that aint printin with the Polaroid.
Oh heavens no. Im not interested in such abysmal things.

Well Greg, thats good. The ground rules send alot of the johns I handle to the door. Or no return business at the least.

That seems like a shame. I dont understand that at all.

Well shit, sport. Whats a young buck with a handsome shell such as yourself doin callin me on College ID night? I find it hard to fathom that them sauced debutantes wouldnt wanna get their talons on you.

Its kind of you to say. But it seems as though most women dont find me suitable for a partner.

Thats must be one of your special concoctions then. Speakin from the perspective of a broad whos seen and done the best and worst of the lotyou got laps on these dogs, amber eyes. Not that I want to chase away a meal, but you should be out tomcattin and not layin down that bar tab money on some takeout.

I guess I dont know what to say to women. I dont know how to ask for what I want. I feel ashamed and useless when Im rejected. I dont understand why they dont want to be with me.

You walk up to a dame and you tell her what you want. We all want the same things, Sherlock. For some reason, you cowboys gotta ask the cowgirls first. I didnt make the rules, but we like it when you want us. But not too much, rookie. And if the chickadee doesnt wanna play ball, you walk away. Its that simple, Greg.

Is it wrong to only search for and to hold out for the one you truly care about?

Whomever she is. This fictional filly youre stewing over. Shes probably out right now looking for something to cling to. You cant pick the ones who want you the most, sport. It just dont roll like that. Whats this dame got that the other million dont?

Im apologize, Radiance. I hate to sit here and make you listen into to all of this.

Hey, its your yen, amber eyes. If you wanna make this thing a couch trip instead of a bed trip, its your call.

To keep it shorter and less complicatedshes the female version of myself. Not that Im a narcissist or anything ridiculous like that. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. Do you think that too strong?

No sir. That right there is what all of us night owls are swoopin down for. Its not wrong to feel a certain way, gorgeous. Hey, lets put all of this filthy laundy in the closet, okay? Its a real bummerwhy dont you let me take over?
How?

There are a number of things Ive picked up down the road. About thirty eight of them will make you fall head over heels for this veteran. Another twelve or so will make you resign your faith. And theres three or four that will give you permanent amnesia. How about I shuffle together a few of those and see where that gets us?

I have something a little unusual in mind, Radiance.

Hey, just remember the ground rules, Greggles. Keep in mind Ive gotta check in with my superior at the end of this hour. So if its something funny, you might wanna keep it to yourself.

Im sorry you feel that way. I had no intentions of suggesting anything that would require you to say such things to me.

Hey, amber eyes. Its business. I gotta let you Jims and Johns in on the set. Whats your paradise, babyface?

Would you pretend to care about me deeply for a few hours? Say kind things to me. Listen attentively to the things I say. Thats all I really want.

Im not catching you, Greg? You want some acting with this set?

No, I dont need the sex. I just want to feel like someone of the opposite gender really wants me and cares about me.

Dont you think thats a little too flavorless? But I guess its your scratch.

Each day is boulder on my back that I must drag up hill. Its just long and viciously lonely. You dont have to mean any of it. Just look me in my eyes and tell me that you love me. Tell me that you believe in me and will always be there for me. Then take my hand and grip it strong. Like a car salesman or a politician. Put your palm on my cheek and tell me everything is going to be alright.

I really dont have a set of words for this deal, Greg. I can do this for you now, but what about the next day? Whats the score then?

I dont plan on seeing too many more days. I just want to take this portrait of affection as a memento. Something I can hold that isnt a paycheck. Something that will make oxygen pass through my lungs. I want to feel like a man who is desired and loved. Thats all I want with my money. Nothing carnal or sleazy. I cannot feel joy or understand it but please pretend to try and make me. Thats all I crave. Please.

Stop with the please, amber eyes. Lay down next to me and learn to live.

SOUNDTRACK OF THE DAY

Destroy All Nels Cline
Spacemen 3 "Live 1988 in Some Shithole Europe"
Jobriath "Lonely Planet Boy"
some fucking Divine cd
No Trend "Trintonian Nash"
Necro "Gory Days Instrumentals"
Dixie Cups "Goin To The Chapel"
Lard
Neurosis
Death From Above 1979 (yeah, the kids love it but so do I)
Ronettes
Simply Sauce "the Heavy Metalloid Music song...my fucking case is gone"
Harry Nilsson "Subterranean Homesick Blues"

I LOVE A GOOD FIGHT!!!