The day had been teetering on a pair of termite infested stilts from the get go. Thankfully, there was some Cherry Coke and remnants of Beef Jerky available in the breakroom. Had there not been, some poor fuck would have had a chunk missing from their beak. You know, desperate times and all of that. The death knell to they day hit when the CLOSED sign was flipped to open.
"Y'all buy some fuckin' Disney movies."
"Sure thing, bubbles. Looks like these came straight out of your ass and into a carmel pit? What's the story, Carny?"
"Boy, I don't like yer tone. Want me to step over the counter and take a switch to ya!!!"
"By take a switch, do you mean removing my chastity belt and pitching a wang-dang doodle?"
"Aww fuck all this fucking bullshit. I still got a little cash left for some beer. Y'all can suck my dick!"
"Thanks for stopping by, diddle ass!"
"I'm comin' back for you, fatty. And I want cash for them thar' tapes!"
The best part of waking up is mullet in your cup. When the mullet is dipped in honey mustard and WD-40 it just puts a little down home crisp into my otherwise vengeful attitude. At least he didn't rape any of the 13 year olds in the video game section. The last thing I need is to explain that one on 6 oclock news. Even if you weren't a pedophile, being in the same building is like an everlasting stench. Kinda like people who work at Wendy's and wear that fucking burger musk everyday. Pedophile musk. It taints the innocent.
"Dusty, what the hell was that about."
"It was about me not backing down from the goddamned rednecks. You expect me sit there and get abused by that rubber neck dick smoking fuck?"
"You know you can't get that kind of customer all riled up. It could scare away what little business we have going for us"
"Fuck all of these no-vision motherfuckers. Every cement brained cuntwad in here is just looking to get cash for their Nickelback CDs and Vin Diesel movies. Should I not reward their unwanted business with some unwanted sourpuss? Sounds like a fair capitalist trade to me."
"I can't have you behaving like that here. Why don't you take the day off?"
"What? All I do on my days off are jack off and drink....and I'm out of money."
"I don't care what you do. When you put away that miserable sarcastic attitude you can come back in."
"Could you at least give me some quarters for the peep show. I don't like going the solitaire when my sister and her friends are home."
"Shut up with that talk!!!"
"What, you don't think these pieces of work don't take a diddle daddle?"
"GET OUT!!!!"
"okay okay, don't give me a Bobby Knight. Let me get my Zorn cd out of the stereo and I'm like Dennis Hopper in Colombia."
"What are talking about, Dusty?"
"GONE!!!!!!"
SOUNDTRACK OF THE DAY
EL-P "FANTASTIC DAMAGE"
GOD BLESS ABBA!!!!
"Y'all buy some fuckin' Disney movies."
"Sure thing, bubbles. Looks like these came straight out of your ass and into a carmel pit? What's the story, Carny?"
"Boy, I don't like yer tone. Want me to step over the counter and take a switch to ya!!!"
"By take a switch, do you mean removing my chastity belt and pitching a wang-dang doodle?"
"Aww fuck all this fucking bullshit. I still got a little cash left for some beer. Y'all can suck my dick!"
"Thanks for stopping by, diddle ass!"
"I'm comin' back for you, fatty. And I want cash for them thar' tapes!"
The best part of waking up is mullet in your cup. When the mullet is dipped in honey mustard and WD-40 it just puts a little down home crisp into my otherwise vengeful attitude. At least he didn't rape any of the 13 year olds in the video game section. The last thing I need is to explain that one on 6 oclock news. Even if you weren't a pedophile, being in the same building is like an everlasting stench. Kinda like people who work at Wendy's and wear that fucking burger musk everyday. Pedophile musk. It taints the innocent.
"Dusty, what the hell was that about."
"It was about me not backing down from the goddamned rednecks. You expect me sit there and get abused by that rubber neck dick smoking fuck?"
"You know you can't get that kind of customer all riled up. It could scare away what little business we have going for us"
"Fuck all of these no-vision motherfuckers. Every cement brained cuntwad in here is just looking to get cash for their Nickelback CDs and Vin Diesel movies. Should I not reward their unwanted business with some unwanted sourpuss? Sounds like a fair capitalist trade to me."
"I can't have you behaving like that here. Why don't you take the day off?"
"What? All I do on my days off are jack off and drink....and I'm out of money."
"I don't care what you do. When you put away that miserable sarcastic attitude you can come back in."
"Could you at least give me some quarters for the peep show. I don't like going the solitaire when my sister and her friends are home."
"Shut up with that talk!!!"
"What, you don't think these pieces of work don't take a diddle daddle?"
"GET OUT!!!!"
"okay okay, don't give me a Bobby Knight. Let me get my Zorn cd out of the stereo and I'm like Dennis Hopper in Colombia."
"What are talking about, Dusty?"
"GONE!!!!!!"
SOUNDTRACK OF THE DAY
EL-P "FANTASTIC DAMAGE"
GOD BLESS ABBA!!!!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I think a good day in the record store would be "Dish It Out" by The Contortions set on repeat for 8 hours. As a matter of fact, it wouldn't be a bad idea at the library, either.
i hear it all the time
gah
id rather eat worms