I am so fucked up right now. I'm eating pills, and slamming beers, an smokin' out. But I can still feel shit so I gotta keep working on that.I just watched the Miss America pageant - omg. Seriously - sooooo bad. They had a "DJ" to "spin" hip "tracks"
= so sad so awful ........But I loved it - I love cheese, both the eating and the watching kind.,. Cheese is good.
So. What the fuck ever
Do you ever feel like your meds just stop working? Like one month, you're great and the next month you just wannaI fucking hate that....
Driving around today I kept looking at every big rig truck and imagining myself pulling right into their lane and smashing the shit out of myself. What a way to go. But probably not a very healthy thought. I think about shit like that all the time -I'm always picturing myself throwing my body over railings, edges, cliffs, what not......
I used to work on a contract framing shop - that means we produced hundreds of framed pieces of "art" every single day. We had these large Rubbermaid garbage cans that we filled with scrap glass - edge pieces etc. Every single time I'd walk past one, I'd imagine shoving my arm elbow-deep into the shards. Shredding the flesh, seeing the blood run into the can.
My shrink says this is PTSD. But my understanding of post traumatic stress is that it consists of having flashbacks of past trauma. I have never, to my recollection, shoved my arm into a container of sharp glass, or driven into oncoming traffic. So, I don't get it. I think I'm just depressed. Tired. So, I'm drinkin' again. And I'm thinkin' again.
= so sad so awful ........But I loved it - I love cheese, both the eating and the watching kind.,. Cheese is good.
So. What the fuck ever
Do you ever feel like your meds just stop working? Like one month, you're great and the next month you just wannaI fucking hate that....
Driving around today I kept looking at every big rig truck and imagining myself pulling right into their lane and smashing the shit out of myself. What a way to go. But probably not a very healthy thought. I think about shit like that all the time -I'm always picturing myself throwing my body over railings, edges, cliffs, what not......
I used to work on a contract framing shop - that means we produced hundreds of framed pieces of "art" every single day. We had these large Rubbermaid garbage cans that we filled with scrap glass - edge pieces etc. Every single time I'd walk past one, I'd imagine shoving my arm elbow-deep into the shards. Shredding the flesh, seeing the blood run into the can.
My shrink says this is PTSD. But my understanding of post traumatic stress is that it consists of having flashbacks of past trauma. I have never, to my recollection, shoved my arm into a container of sharp glass, or driven into oncoming traffic. So, I don't get it. I think I'm just depressed. Tired. So, I'm drinkin' again. And I'm thinkin' again.
ki1:
shit girlie. thats confusing. the ptsd might be totally unrelated to other hit your thinking of. drinking is a depressive anyway. ask any irish family they will tell ya. i'd go 2 mister head doctor and tell him he's shite at his job. and go somewhere else for therapy. fuck, go to florida and take some therapy time with some dolphins (the animal kind). 
acidevangelist:
Yeah, you may need to change up your meds. Last year I felt my prescribed meds were no longer working, so I went off of them and started taking St John's Wort, Ginkgo Biloba, and a few other natural remedies. I felt great for a few months, than began feeling really depressed again, almost suicidal. I am now back on my prescribed meds and feeling better. Have you ever thought about looking into switching your meds up. at least temporarily?