whiskeyagogo

So - I saw my shrink today. I have seen him every month since I moved here, about 2 1/2 yrs. And every visit lasts about 6.5 minutes and goes EXACTLY like this - every time - I swear - without deviation:
*** he has a very strong accent - I believe he is Filipino - and this whole conversation is much, much funnier in his voice***

him: Get on the scale please........So, you weigh more or less? (as compared to the previous month)

me: about the same I think

him: *rustles papers* Yes, yes - about the same. You are still underweight on my chart but I don't worry about that. I worry if you overweight because that can lead to health problems like diabetes.

me: mmmhhmm

him: So, how you doing?

me: Great! (this has been my answer since about 1 month after my ex and I split - coincidence? I think not.)

him: Any alcohol or drugs?

me: nope (LIE!)

him: Weakness or tremors?

me: nope

him: Headaches, dizziness?

me: nope

him: Constipation?

me: nope

him: Diarrhea?

me: nope

him: Bedwetting?

me: nope (I don't think he means squirting so I don't count that!)

him: Mood swings? Anger outbursts?

me: nope

him: Appetite good?

me: yep

him: Hearing things? Seeing things? Think people are against you?

me: nope

him: Do you respect authority and do what someone tells you to?

me: yes (LIE!)

him: Finish what you start? Concentration good?

me: yes (LIE!)

him: What is next holiday?

me: Christmas! (today's answer. sometimes I do not answer this question correctly - when I missed MLK Day he asked me if I didn't like black people - !!!!!!)

him: What is today?

me: Nov 29 (I sometimes get this one wrong as well.)

him: Ok. Anything elllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllse? (he really drags out the "else" here)

me: nope

him: Ok - here are your scrips - see you next month.


And BOOM - I'm 6.5 minutes older, $80 poorer , and still crazy.