I work with Craig. We call him Tommy, mostly because that would have been his name had he pursued his dream of starring in homosexual porn. Craig is in his early 40's and he has some sort of personality disorder which weve yet to nail down. Craig lives with his two children, his wife and her mother whom he refers to as Grandma. Grandma is 94 years old, completely ruined by the onset of Alzheimers, grandma is out of her fucking mind. Craig moved her in solely for the financial gain. Although grandma is out of her mind, she does receive a 1200 dollar allowance from retirement and social security.
Driving into work early today the parking lot is empty except for Craigs car. As i pull in i see him pacing back and forth near his car. It's not unusual for Craig to pace, knowing that laughter would surely ensue, i pull up next to his car, roll down my window and smile.
"whats up, Craig?" i ask
"Ben! Ben! Whats new with you?"
"not much Craig, looking forward to working hard for very little money" i reply
"hey, i got something i've got to tell you" he says
knowing Craig for a couple of years now i know something glorious is about to happen.
"my kids were downstairs practicing their instruments today" he says, his eyes are flashing between me and some unknown object to his left. His hands are motioning something i can't quite follow.
"grandma came down and started screwing with them", he adds
"what do you mean screwing with them?" i ask
"well you know, bothering them. i was upstairs trying to sleep, ya' know. i heard all this commotion so i went to see what was happening. I lost it Ben, I lost it. I went up to grandma, grabbed her cane from under her, took her by the arm and threw her against the wall"
my mouth opened a little and i disguised my astonishment by taking a drag from my cigarette.
"go on", i said with a throat full of smoke, trying not to laugh. my guise must not have been too convincing because a smirk formed at the end of Craigs lips.
"then i got in my car and came to work", he tells me
"so you beat the shit out of grandma? And then came to work?"
"well i mean c'mon Ben! what would you do with a crazy old woman stood outside your bedroom screaming 'ZEBRA! ' all day long?"
"Craig! I'd take her to the fucking zoo!" i say " how did beating up grandma even enter into your list of acceptable responses?" i ask laughing
" i don't know, ya' know? I've just had enough of her"
"well what did she do when you knocked her down?" i ask
Craig gestures down with his hands, "she just laid there and cried"
"jeeeeeesus christ"
The lunch hour breaks and everyone begins to leave. As the factory thins out, i sit at my desk and look at a few numbers on the computer. I leave to smoke and pass Craig sitting at a lunch table. Returning to the desk i sit down and sigh. the phone rings. i pick it up.
"Ron!" a womans voice screams
"no, Ben" i say
the voice calms down dramatically, "oh i forgot, this is Craig's wife. Can you give him a message?"
"sure"
"tell him theres been an emergency and we're at Mercy Medical Center"
"no problem" i say
i hang up the phone and begin to laugh. i call over my buddy and tell him about the call. he asks me what i think its all about.
"oh it's simple. Craig beat the shit out of grandma and now theres a small group of police officers and a social worker gathered around a hospital bed asking a crazy old woman how she broke her arm"
au revoir Craig
Driving into work early today the parking lot is empty except for Craigs car. As i pull in i see him pacing back and forth near his car. It's not unusual for Craig to pace, knowing that laughter would surely ensue, i pull up next to his car, roll down my window and smile.
"whats up, Craig?" i ask
"Ben! Ben! Whats new with you?"
"not much Craig, looking forward to working hard for very little money" i reply
"hey, i got something i've got to tell you" he says
knowing Craig for a couple of years now i know something glorious is about to happen.
"my kids were downstairs practicing their instruments today" he says, his eyes are flashing between me and some unknown object to his left. His hands are motioning something i can't quite follow.
"grandma came down and started screwing with them", he adds
"what do you mean screwing with them?" i ask
"well you know, bothering them. i was upstairs trying to sleep, ya' know. i heard all this commotion so i went to see what was happening. I lost it Ben, I lost it. I went up to grandma, grabbed her cane from under her, took her by the arm and threw her against the wall"
my mouth opened a little and i disguised my astonishment by taking a drag from my cigarette.
"go on", i said with a throat full of smoke, trying not to laugh. my guise must not have been too convincing because a smirk formed at the end of Craigs lips.
"then i got in my car and came to work", he tells me
"so you beat the shit out of grandma? And then came to work?"
"well i mean c'mon Ben! what would you do with a crazy old woman stood outside your bedroom screaming 'ZEBRA! ' all day long?"
"Craig! I'd take her to the fucking zoo!" i say " how did beating up grandma even enter into your list of acceptable responses?" i ask laughing
" i don't know, ya' know? I've just had enough of her"
"well what did she do when you knocked her down?" i ask
Craig gestures down with his hands, "she just laid there and cried"
"jeeeeeesus christ"
The lunch hour breaks and everyone begins to leave. As the factory thins out, i sit at my desk and look at a few numbers on the computer. I leave to smoke and pass Craig sitting at a lunch table. Returning to the desk i sit down and sigh. the phone rings. i pick it up.
"Ron!" a womans voice screams
"no, Ben" i say
the voice calms down dramatically, "oh i forgot, this is Craig's wife. Can you give him a message?"
"sure"
"tell him theres been an emergency and we're at Mercy Medical Center"
"no problem" i say
i hang up the phone and begin to laugh. i call over my buddy and tell him about the call. he asks me what i think its all about.
"oh it's simple. Craig beat the shit out of grandma and now theres a small group of police officers and a social worker gathered around a hospital bed asking a crazy old woman how she broke her arm"
au revoir Craig
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That said, Silliness (as well as my/other people's blogs) is predominantly the reason I come to SG as well. While the pictures are an added bonus, I could just as easily find them elsewhere without paying for them.