Nope, it IS bad. Some of it may be because I have been bringing things up a lot in the past month. But I was doing that thinking she was close to a decision. Now to find out after all this time she is still totally 50/50...
I don't know what to think anymore. I'm a very strong believer in fate but generally there's been some sense to the happenings in my life. Right now though I am totally lost. I feel fucked. I feel like I am fighting this impossible ghost. Her feelings for him are this undefined connection that just won't go away. It was once described as being more than in love but that was a while back. And those of for me....not in love with me and does not think she is right for me.
So how is it I am even here? Why does she spend so much time with me? Why does it have to be that he suddenly hass even built up this perfect past to her....tracking her down and wanting to get to know her for years. I did the same but of course, mine I fucked up in. I say the wrong things, give the wrong impressions.
What's worse is everyone else says he's this nice guy and all I ever hear is defense of him. I feel like an ogre....yeah call me Shrek. Sometimes I really do wonder how am I still at 50% even, besides the crap stuff...I'm more "stable", we have a history, etc. There should be more to it than that...i'm told there is but I don't get much in the way of detail on it.
I almost pushed too far the other night. She was about to leave and I calmed things down. Of course I wonder if I should have just let things go. Thge next two days though, things seemed very good again. I dunno...I am so confused by this all. All sometimes I think I even have is my gut telling me this is right. But it just doesn't make sense. Please fate, I don't need all of the answers until the time is right....just can you give me a hint on why? I just want to know I am not crazy for still being here and following my gut...to know there is a reason beyond of why my gut says this is right.
I don't know what to think anymore. I'm a very strong believer in fate but generally there's been some sense to the happenings in my life. Right now though I am totally lost. I feel fucked. I feel like I am fighting this impossible ghost. Her feelings for him are this undefined connection that just won't go away. It was once described as being more than in love but that was a while back. And those of for me....not in love with me and does not think she is right for me.
So how is it I am even here? Why does she spend so much time with me? Why does it have to be that he suddenly hass even built up this perfect past to her....tracking her down and wanting to get to know her for years. I did the same but of course, mine I fucked up in. I say the wrong things, give the wrong impressions.
What's worse is everyone else says he's this nice guy and all I ever hear is defense of him. I feel like an ogre....yeah call me Shrek. Sometimes I really do wonder how am I still at 50% even, besides the crap stuff...I'm more "stable", we have a history, etc. There should be more to it than that...i'm told there is but I don't get much in the way of detail on it.
I almost pushed too far the other night. She was about to leave and I calmed things down. Of course I wonder if I should have just let things go. Thge next two days though, things seemed very good again. I dunno...I am so confused by this all. All sometimes I think I even have is my gut telling me this is right. But it just doesn't make sense. Please fate, I don't need all of the answers until the time is right....just can you give me a hint on why? I just want to know I am not crazy for still being here and following my gut...to know there is a reason beyond of why my gut says this is right.