This should go without saying, but all this shit is my opinion, which is subjective and fallible.
Sifting through the mountain of crap at the apartment, I found a letter April had written me from a front desk at some company she'd done a temp job for back when we lived together in Bellevue.
April hated the way she looked with a passionate neurosis that seems to be the exclusive domain of women; be it the fact that she was fatter than she wanted to be or the uncooperativeness of her hair or any one of the other meaningless things women think are so fucking important. Yeah, she was overweight, but not in a way that was irreversible or unattractive, her body didn't grotesquely bulge or fold in unhealthy ways, she just wasn't skinny, and that's the way some people are. She fucking hated it, though, drastic dieting and exercise shortly before she broke up with me. I wonder if she's satisfied with herself now.
Had a debate with my other last night over cosmetic surgery stemming from a comment I'd made: "I'm glad you haven't had any unnecessary plastic surgery." (Out of context, I realize it sounds weird, but there is a context for my statement that I can't fully describe here in the interest of decency and privacy.) She seemed to take issue with my disdain for superfluous surgical enhancements--I insisted that they were frivolous and contributed to the trivialization of nature, she insisted equally that there's nothing wrong with a person wanting to be happy with the way they look. Somewhere along the way, it became a discussion about how I don't know what it's like to be a girl, that the only way women feel they can be successful is if they appear a certain way, and that if a person wants to pay to irreversibly alter their appearance, if it makes them happy, what's wrong with it?
I still don't buy the argument--thus exposing (and acknowledging) my bias. I take issue with the notion that female self-esteem is so affected by determined programming of what a female is and is not supposed to be--or, rather, why. The idea that the often-crippling negative self-image women seem to be programmed to have of themselves is exclusively due to media or cultural influence is iffy to me, and a bit of a cop-out when applied to the subject. When do people become responsible for themselves? When do people step up to the plate and say "this is my problem, my self-image is something I create and something only I am responsible for changing?" I'll be the last person to deny the unjust weight of hegemonic influence, but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Wearing makeup is one thing. Getting your body pierced or tattooed, while fairly frivolous in some circles, is parallel to the makeup. Having someone take a bonesaw and a file to your nose is something different entirely. And yes, I'm being hyperbolic, but flat-out altering one's structure, no matter how you spin it, is a major thing.
My other points out that more aesthetically-appealing women tend to have a greater success in a male-dominated society--if that's true (which I think it is to some extent), then why do some women sit for it? You have women everyday rising up against hegemony by not buying into the bullshit, and their cause isn't undermined wholly by the male powers-that-be--it's also the women who do buy into the bullshit that turn against their own. Call it "House Nigger" syndrome if you will.
(I want to point out that I don't necessarily consider all plastic surgery is frivolous and trivial. For instance, if a person has a genuine structural problem--i.e. a nose that won't let them breathe or some other potential health detriment--it makes sense. As for structural alterations--well, let's just say a person who wants to have a cleft palate or harelip altered so that they can feel "normal" is a hell of a lot more logical than a person who just has to have a larger bra size.)</i>
I want to point out that I don't think any less of a person if they get breast implants or have a nose job just for the sake of having one, but I take issue with the idea that such action is anything other than frivolous, unnecessary modification. Okay, so you're unhappy with your nose--but what is wrong with liking your nose simply because it's your fucking nose? Moreover, what is so hard about that? Don't tell me it's because you're a girl and girls are force-fed notions of who they are and what they must look like--I'm a Black kid from Iowa, what's more, I'm a half-Black kid from Iowa. I was consciously and otherwise inundated with the idea that whiter is righter, that only people who looked like all the white people around me succeeded, and it was ALWAYS reinforced that I looked different from the norm. Furthermore, in all-Black environments, my lips were always thinner, my nose was always shaped differently, and my skin (while certainly identifiably Black) was always lighter. And that's not even getting into cultural differences. The point is that I never looked like any ideal, and while (at the risk of sounding egotistical) I'm fairly inoffensive-looking, I was always aware of my difference, and it was a source of tension for me for quite a long time and still is.
I don't mean to minimize the undue pressure placed on women to look and/or be a certain way (like I said before, it's there, it's definitely male-centered if not male-spawned, and it's bullshit)--but my being male doesn't preclude me from knowing what it's like to feel pressured into wanting to appear in a certain way.
Furthermore, if you're going to modify your appearance for what ultimately is an arbitrary reason simply because you're that unhappy with how you look, don't use social pressure as an excuse--the choice is, in the end, yours, and changing yourself because of an unjust system only validates the injustice.
In any case, I wasn't saying anything anyone was doing was wrong--I was simply pointing out the kind of attitudes that are perpetuated by taking one's "natural" appearance so lightly while mentioning what I find aesthetically pleasing. I'm not trying to set anyone's standards, nor am I looking down on people for doing what makes them happy; I'm simply explaining why I like what I like in some circumstances. And even I know that I'm just one person with an opinion.
And, sure, that opinion says "be proud of what you are and what you have, know the difference between what you can/should change and what you can't/shouldn't." Perhaps that's bullshit.
I'm rambling--I might come back and edit this rant later. Anyone else have any ideas? Am I totally full of shit?
Sifting through the mountain of crap at the apartment, I found a letter April had written me from a front desk at some company she'd done a temp job for back when we lived together in Bellevue.
April hated the way she looked with a passionate neurosis that seems to be the exclusive domain of women; be it the fact that she was fatter than she wanted to be or the uncooperativeness of her hair or any one of the other meaningless things women think are so fucking important. Yeah, she was overweight, but not in a way that was irreversible or unattractive, her body didn't grotesquely bulge or fold in unhealthy ways, she just wasn't skinny, and that's the way some people are. She fucking hated it, though, drastic dieting and exercise shortly before she broke up with me. I wonder if she's satisfied with herself now.
Had a debate with my other last night over cosmetic surgery stemming from a comment I'd made: "I'm glad you haven't had any unnecessary plastic surgery." (Out of context, I realize it sounds weird, but there is a context for my statement that I can't fully describe here in the interest of decency and privacy.) She seemed to take issue with my disdain for superfluous surgical enhancements--I insisted that they were frivolous and contributed to the trivialization of nature, she insisted equally that there's nothing wrong with a person wanting to be happy with the way they look. Somewhere along the way, it became a discussion about how I don't know what it's like to be a girl, that the only way women feel they can be successful is if they appear a certain way, and that if a person wants to pay to irreversibly alter their appearance, if it makes them happy, what's wrong with it?
I still don't buy the argument--thus exposing (and acknowledging) my bias. I take issue with the notion that female self-esteem is so affected by determined programming of what a female is and is not supposed to be--or, rather, why. The idea that the often-crippling negative self-image women seem to be programmed to have of themselves is exclusively due to media or cultural influence is iffy to me, and a bit of a cop-out when applied to the subject. When do people become responsible for themselves? When do people step up to the plate and say "this is my problem, my self-image is something I create and something only I am responsible for changing?" I'll be the last person to deny the unjust weight of hegemonic influence, but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Wearing makeup is one thing. Getting your body pierced or tattooed, while fairly frivolous in some circles, is parallel to the makeup. Having someone take a bonesaw and a file to your nose is something different entirely. And yes, I'm being hyperbolic, but flat-out altering one's structure, no matter how you spin it, is a major thing.
My other points out that more aesthetically-appealing women tend to have a greater success in a male-dominated society--if that's true (which I think it is to some extent), then why do some women sit for it? You have women everyday rising up against hegemony by not buying into the bullshit, and their cause isn't undermined wholly by the male powers-that-be--it's also the women who do buy into the bullshit that turn against their own. Call it "House Nigger" syndrome if you will.
(I want to point out that I don't necessarily consider all plastic surgery is frivolous and trivial. For instance, if a person has a genuine structural problem--i.e. a nose that won't let them breathe or some other potential health detriment--it makes sense. As for structural alterations--well, let's just say a person who wants to have a cleft palate or harelip altered so that they can feel "normal" is a hell of a lot more logical than a person who just has to have a larger bra size.)</i>
I want to point out that I don't think any less of a person if they get breast implants or have a nose job just for the sake of having one, but I take issue with the idea that such action is anything other than frivolous, unnecessary modification. Okay, so you're unhappy with your nose--but what is wrong with liking your nose simply because it's your fucking nose? Moreover, what is so hard about that? Don't tell me it's because you're a girl and girls are force-fed notions of who they are and what they must look like--I'm a Black kid from Iowa, what's more, I'm a half-Black kid from Iowa. I was consciously and otherwise inundated with the idea that whiter is righter, that only people who looked like all the white people around me succeeded, and it was ALWAYS reinforced that I looked different from the norm. Furthermore, in all-Black environments, my lips were always thinner, my nose was always shaped differently, and my skin (while certainly identifiably Black) was always lighter. And that's not even getting into cultural differences. The point is that I never looked like any ideal, and while (at the risk of sounding egotistical) I'm fairly inoffensive-looking, I was always aware of my difference, and it was a source of tension for me for quite a long time and still is.
I don't mean to minimize the undue pressure placed on women to look and/or be a certain way (like I said before, it's there, it's definitely male-centered if not male-spawned, and it's bullshit)--but my being male doesn't preclude me from knowing what it's like to feel pressured into wanting to appear in a certain way.
Furthermore, if you're going to modify your appearance for what ultimately is an arbitrary reason simply because you're that unhappy with how you look, don't use social pressure as an excuse--the choice is, in the end, yours, and changing yourself because of an unjust system only validates the injustice.
In any case, I wasn't saying anything anyone was doing was wrong--I was simply pointing out the kind of attitudes that are perpetuated by taking one's "natural" appearance so lightly while mentioning what I find aesthetically pleasing. I'm not trying to set anyone's standards, nor am I looking down on people for doing what makes them happy; I'm simply explaining why I like what I like in some circumstances. And even I know that I'm just one person with an opinion.
And, sure, that opinion says "be proud of what you are and what you have, know the difference between what you can/should change and what you can't/shouldn't." Perhaps that's bullshit.
I'm rambling--I might come back and edit this rant later. Anyone else have any ideas? Am I totally full of shit?
and while here, i have admired your pictures and whatever remnants of personality i was able to garner.