I'm tired of this.
I've been idling in Portland for the better part of seven months now, doing little to solve my problems and lashing myself for it, using my own confusion and self-awareness as a crutch to keep me from facing some of the more glaring problems with me and myself. I've succeeded in few of my concrete statements made however many days ago (I'm sure it's only something like 20 but it seems like forever, albeit one that has completely disappeared). I know I shouldn't give up, that I should just keep on going, grit my teeth anew and whatnot, but I just don't see the fucking point in doing anything.
I don't want to wake up, the fun is over and it wasn't even that great, have the memories of when it was great to comfort or even torture me. I don't feel anything right now, and that's the thing, I have waves of emotions but they never last, and the dead times are growing too frequent to even bother noting as a diversion from the norm.
I've been idling in Portland for the better part of seven months now, doing little to solve my problems and lashing myself for it, using my own confusion and self-awareness as a crutch to keep me from facing some of the more glaring problems with me and myself. I've succeeded in few of my concrete statements made however many days ago (I'm sure it's only something like 20 but it seems like forever, albeit one that has completely disappeared). I know I shouldn't give up, that I should just keep on going, grit my teeth anew and whatnot, but I just don't see the fucking point in doing anything.
I don't want to wake up, the fun is over and it wasn't even that great, have the memories of when it was great to comfort or even torture me. I don't feel anything right now, and that's the thing, I have waves of emotions but they never last, and the dead times are growing too frequent to even bother noting as a diversion from the norm.