wexsingxsin

So its been a bit since I updated...

I think I am slowly turning into like a net whore(not intentually) I have probably every site there could be now under my female name, which is really cool to kind of think about. I think the only one thats not switched over is Suicide Girls and Facebook (cause of how its set up) - So wow thats a chiling fact, that now anyone has acess to my being transexual.

Which I think if I was to label myself as anything - so far that seems like the best lable to use, cause I wouldnt say that I was unhappy as the gender I was born with, there is not desperation (well not extreme) to switch sides. Though at the time there is no plans to become fully functional female either. However would love to have the curves that come with hormones, which I think confuses a lot of people in the community when I try to explain mysef. Would I love being presenting female most of the time yes, but its not like a need to be one. I think thats why the label TS works a bit better for me, or even back to the idea of being gender neautral. So yea thats been on my mind trying to figure out how to explain myself, and how to proceed with this, which I think its getting to the point where I am going to ask my parents there feelings on hormones.

Then you got like the sexuality side of this whole thing. Its a seperate but almost as confusing. I like girls alot and I am like so what dose that make me a lesbian, because if I identitfy as a girl but like girls. Where dose that put me, but then I am like why dose that sound so close minded, I shoud be open to the idea of anyone who will treat me with respect and support me on being who I am. So that could be anyone, male or female. I just feel like conficted and confused. Then I am like maybe I have a thing for feminitiy and thats what I am attracted too, like when I am at the bar its always like oh that other TS is attractive or oh I like the Drag Queens, or even the feme boys. Which this all comes with complications, the TS are after the men, GG girls are after men, lesbians are after girls who have will the right organs, so I am like even on the side lines when it comes to finding a releationship.

I feel ike I make a lot of progress and then slide back some, I mean I have like what I would consider a week end support system, but that only lasts the week end and then I am on my own for the week. When it comes to the clubs, now that I have my wig apparently I have been coming across as genetic female, which has its good and bad quaities, I am like yay! I am passable, but at the same time I am attracted un wanted attention, its so weird cause the men (I seem to attract the odd ones) think they can just touch you and stuff and I am like if you want at me, be respectful and tactful.

Went dress shopping on Friday, which was fun cause I was out as a female, with Marc and Shane, I didnt notice really if I got looks, I was just having too much fun being myself. I found the perfect dress, polka dot and red ribbon at Windsor, and low and behold I am not as skinny as I thought when it comes to dresses, it looks like I need about a 9 which they didnt have in the store. They have it online in other sizes but I have negative money in my account. So I cant order it, and by the time I get my debut squared away it wil be too late to get it here before pride, and then what if I order the wrong size I am like screwed. So I still have no dress or shoes. I picked up some white eyeshadow and some blush from MAC so I can hopefully earn to start doing my own drag look but its been a bit hard to figure out. Also this was the first time I was at MAC and felt like the lady helping me knew what she was doing.

Saturday was neat too, cause I ended up at the club, but this time spent it with all my TS friends, instead of the drag queens, which was like a different atmosphere, I felt deffiently like I fit in a lot better with them.