weston

Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Children of all ages. I stand before you today, proud to present..."Parking Lot Theater."

Yea, so I'm horrible when it comes to naming things. Basically, I get to school an hour or so early in order to grab a good parking spot and finish up any homework I may have. During down time, I write. Simple as that.

Enjoy.

HELL

The following was written during the second week of classes, sometime late in August.

If there is a Hell on Earth, I do believe that it is the Grossmont College parking lot. Why you ask? The answer is simple and consists of two reasons. The first is the utter and complete stupidity of, and I'm ashamed to say this, my fellow students. My people, my peers, my generation...How fucking retarded you all are. I can't believe that I am stuck here lumped with you all. The second reason why this place is hell is the complete disregard of any sense of consideration for others. "Fuck everyone else, the world revolves around me! Didn't these people get the memo?!?!"

I realized how ungodly this place really was on my second trip to school. Allow me to wonder in the story for a moment for those of you who may be interested in what happened during my first trip. In hindsight, I arrived at school late, all of twenty-five minutes before my class was to start. I have never had any problems finding a parking spot before in my life. However, it is as they say, there is a first time for everything.

I arrived at the parking lot only to find it swarmed with cars. Like a farm of ants they wove their way through the narrow lanes of the lot. I fell into step and began the eventually fruitless quest to find a spot. As classes let out, these mindless ants turned into vicious sharks, stalking fellow students, while other camped out in aisles, prepared to ambush any student no being tailed by a car. Not wishing to be an asshole and block entire lanes of traffic, I continued driving endlessly up and down lanes. After twenty minutes I was desperate to find a spot. My class was soon to start and I had to get out of this damned car. I left the lot and took my quest to other areas, in hopes that they may be less populated. As it turns out, this was nothing more than a fool's quest, as each new lot I traveled to greeted me with the same depressing and beyond aggravating story.

I was now half an hour late to my class, and with no other option, I admitted defeat and returned to my home, my head sunken to the Earth in defeat. However, there was a rematch to be had, and I was going to be damned if I let that parking lot get the best of me for a second time.

It was during this second battle with the forces of evil that I realized this place was indeed Hell. Having learned from previous mistakes, I pulled into the lot a full two and a half hours before my next class was to start. Overkill? Yes, but there was no way I was going to be late and have to miss another class.

I began to drift through aisle after aisle in search for the Holy Grail...I mean...A parking spot. To my surprise, there was not a single one to be found. As I continued my search, more and more cars began to pull into the lot. The Beast had discovered my presence and in short order, cars were flooding into the lot. The minions of Hell had been unleashed upon me, and the odds of my success were slim to nil.

My search turned into a frantic scurrying for a spot. I drove up and down lanes with my head whipping back and forth. I found lone students and stalked them as a lion stalks it's prey. However, my efforts would result in failure. Spots I had rushed to get were taken by those who just happened to stumble across them. The spots of those whom I stalked went on to be stolen by those who could care less if I followed said student from the moment he entered the lot, or that was waiting there with my blinker on, staking my claim to the spot.

The intensity of my search increased, and so did the tricks of the Devil in response. Cars were now camped out in the middle of aisles, rather than off to the side. They dammed the roads and were impassible until they eventually pulled into a spot. The minions of Hell drove with reckless abandon. Pulling out without even so much of a flick of their eyes to oncoming traffic. Cars began to drive on the opposite side of the road, expecting me to swerve out of their way, rather than them returning to the right side. Motorcycles wove in and out of traffic, undetectable until the last moment.

I had almost given up hope when from the corner of my eye I saw a lone strand of hope. A car was pulling out in a completely empty aisle. I knew this was my one chance, but the Devil had one last trick for me. The spot was near the exit and as I drove towards it, I was met with an unmoving line of cars escaping this Hell.

The approach of oncoming cars was relentless, as those fleeing this place rushed headfirst into traffic in intervals that were few and far between. As I waited, a steady stream of cars fell into place. Now not only was there a wait that stretched for ages to escape the parking lot, but also a wait to even get into line. The wait lasted an eternity, as those who had received spots grow more and more unwilling to let new cars in and delay their own escape.

I saw my opening and crept out into the lane. Just as I was about to fall into line and grab an ever-elusive parking spot, a motorcycle comes screaming out of the shadows like a man possessed. Weaving in and out of traffic in order to quicken his escape, he was nearly pancaked by my mammoth-like SUV. Fortunately for this two-wheeled asshole I have quick feet and was able to stop my approach before knocking his ass to the pavement and running him over. Of course my screeching tires and cursing did nothing to deter his approach as he ducked to the side and continued on his way.

Finally, having waited ages and almost committing vehicular manslaughter (Which in actuality would have been a public service, removing one more idiotic asshole from the world), I was but mere feet from that which I had searched so long for. I maneuvered my car through the line, up the aisle, and, at last, pulled into a parking spot. Take that lot from Hell! You may have beaten me once. You may have aggravated me beyond belief. You may have wasted hours of my short and precious life. But in the end...In the end, I got the best of you!

There is one more reason why this particular lot is Hell on Earth that has thus far gone unmentioned. Not but ten minutes after I had pulled into my hard fought for spot did no less than twenty spaces become available. For a moment, I hesitated. I had waited nearly an hour for this spot and I would have been damned if I was going to leave it now. However, after that initial fit of stubbornness wore off, I realized the stupidity of my stance and proceeded to a new spot, just feet away from the stairs leading to campus.

Oh how I had thought I conquered the lot. I took this final trick with my head bowed and hoped that this offered spot was a sign of truce between the Hell-lot and yours truly.



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