A Note from the Editor
Live fast. Die happy. Change the world.
Times are a Changin'
"Today is the first day of the rest of my life." That's what I told myself. Standing in front of a mirror in an unlit room at 12:08 last night. "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." I couldn't help but smile as I repeated those words.
It is hard to explain, but there is something special that happens when you can't sleep. On Monday and Tuesday, I didn't sleep at all, and last night, I didn't fall asleep until well after two in the morning. As I was saying, there is something special that happens to one's mind when sleep is absent. Maybe it is just that your brain is working on overdrive, or maybe it is the first hints of delirium setting in, but when you go without sleeping, you seem to be able to think more clearly. Things start making sense and new ideas just spew into your head.
There I was, tossing and turning in my sheets, reflecting about my life, in particular, my life after my diagnosis. I thought about the bad times as always. I thought about what I've lost, what I could have done, and how much more I could have been. I thought about my depression as of late and where my life was headed. And then, I thought about something I had read earlier that day. One of my online friends had been told that her brother had attempted suicide. For some reason, that really made an impact on me.
I had been there. On the verge of doing something drastic. I wanted to end it all, end the pain, end the suffering. But, after reading about her brother, my views did a complete 180. I no longer wanted to continue down this road to find nothing but a dark date with destiny. I wanted to live.
"Today is the first day of the rest of my life." Things are changing in my life. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of being shy and safe. I'm tired of getting shit from life and just having to accept it. I want to be me, the real me. I want to live.
For the first time in years, I am truly happy and excited about life. For the first time in years, I am living life.
The Wrap-Up
Short and sweet. That is what this update is all about. Things are finally looking up.
With much love to all, farewell.
Current Mood: Fuck life, I'll dance alone to my own song
Currently Listening to: "Bitter Sweet Symphony" - The Verve
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Kal-El, or [p]X | V), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl or =PXConqueror=), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: Soon to start The Five People you Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
GaiaOnline Last.FM
Live fast. Die happy. Change the world.
Times are a Changin'
"Today is the first day of the rest of my life." That's what I told myself. Standing in front of a mirror in an unlit room at 12:08 last night. "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." I couldn't help but smile as I repeated those words.
It is hard to explain, but there is something special that happens when you can't sleep. On Monday and Tuesday, I didn't sleep at all, and last night, I didn't fall asleep until well after two in the morning. As I was saying, there is something special that happens to one's mind when sleep is absent. Maybe it is just that your brain is working on overdrive, or maybe it is the first hints of delirium setting in, but when you go without sleeping, you seem to be able to think more clearly. Things start making sense and new ideas just spew into your head.
There I was, tossing and turning in my sheets, reflecting about my life, in particular, my life after my diagnosis. I thought about the bad times as always. I thought about what I've lost, what I could have done, and how much more I could have been. I thought about my depression as of late and where my life was headed. And then, I thought about something I had read earlier that day. One of my online friends had been told that her brother had attempted suicide. For some reason, that really made an impact on me.
I had been there. On the verge of doing something drastic. I wanted to end it all, end the pain, end the suffering. But, after reading about her brother, my views did a complete 180. I no longer wanted to continue down this road to find nothing but a dark date with destiny. I wanted to live.
"Today is the first day of the rest of my life." Things are changing in my life. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of being shy and safe. I'm tired of getting shit from life and just having to accept it. I want to be me, the real me. I want to live.
For the first time in years, I am truly happy and excited about life. For the first time in years, I am living life.
The Wrap-Up
Short and sweet. That is what this update is all about. Things are finally looking up.
With much love to all, farewell.
Current Mood: Fuck life, I'll dance alone to my own song
Currently Listening to: "Bitter Sweet Symphony" - The Verve
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Kal-El, or [p]X | V), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl or =PXConqueror=), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: Soon to start The Five People you Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
GaiaOnline Last.FM
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
i wish u the best of luck with your new lease on life
keep on smiling