weston

Note From the Editor

"I hope I don't come off as being rude, but did you take any medication or anything before this interview?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Well, you seem quite out of your element. Are you under the influence of any substance? Legal or otherwise?"

"I'm high on Girl Scout cookies! The thin mint ones!"

Now, I don't know where my mom got these cookies...Maybe we ordered them, and I just don't remember, but I am in possession of some nine boxes of thin mint cookies. Did someone kill me in my sleep? Am I really in heaven? I must be...

And Now, for the Tear Jerker

I give to you, writing from earlier today:

What more can I do? I tried to live a good life. I made the right decisions. Where did I go wrong? What did I to deserve this suffering?

Straight out of the womb I was a marked man...Diagnosed with severe/sensitive asthma at two months old. I don't remember much from my younger days, but I can remember the bad times...The times spent in the hospital.

I remember sitting in the parking lot. My mom handed me a peak flow. I blew into it, with all of my might, to find the weight not moving at all. I was too young and naive to be scared at the time, but I was basically suffocating to death.

I remember the hospital stays. I thought that place was great. I had all the popsicles I could eat, and I was able to rent a video game console and spend my time playing Star Fox. Like I said, I was too young and oblivious to realize the actual horror of the situation.

I remember the effect my hospital stays had on my family...Especially my brother. How I refused to eat, and how he offered me five dollars for every bite I took. Being a young fool, I refused his offer. I remember how he told my mom that there was no God, because God wouldn't let his brother suffer so much. I never really forgave myself for stealing his faith.

I've never been healthy. It became a long-running joke among my friends...How I would constantly miss school, but somehow managed to pass all my classes. I've been sick my entire life, but it has always been on and off.

When I was diagnosed with the tumor, I was devastated. I thought I had hit rock bottom. But as time went on, I fell even lower. These past two years have been the worst years of my life, when they should have been the best. I didn't, and still don't, know how to handle the situation. This wasn't something that I could take medicine for and be done with it in a week. This wasn't something that I could just bounce back from.

These past two years have been horrible. I have gained insight into a world which I never imagined myself in. A world of immense hate, fear, and pain. A world which I preached against and thought was heresy. A world of depression, of cutting, of suicidal thoughts. A world in which I feel utterly alone in.

How will my story end? Will I play the role of Kurt Cobain? Preach and display my emotional pain for all to witness until I finally cave in? Or will I be able to fight the stacked odds? Or better yet, will I be able to find someone that can lift this tattered and tortured soul out of the shadows?

What Sketchy Behavior!

to keep up with my latest trend, here are some very emo sketches. I think these are excellent (Don't believe the lies, these are complete crap at best...I apologize for such low quality work...I don't have the focus or drive to sit done and produce quality pieces right now).





Where's the Rocky Theme when you Need It

Still working out...Took a couple of days off to rest up...Ran for 15 minutes yesterday, which is roughly the time equivalent of two miles. Also did the ab routine again. I was proud of myself...I wasn't as winded or as tired after the work out. Hopefully I can continue this trend of rapidly improving.

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

What the fuck? Who made my lining into barbed wire?

Sorry kiddos, but with the exception of the Girl Scout cookies and the work out, I am currently at a loss for happy moments.

But let's try to end this one a high note:



Enjoy your day.

Current Mood: Tired...Of everything...
Currently Listening to: "Battery" and "No Regrets" - Aesop Rock
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Kal-El, or [p]X | Panic! At the Disco), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
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