Life 1, Me 0
Well, it would appear that my words have come back to bite me in the ass.
Four or so days ago, in one of my paper and pencil journals, I gave a big "fuck you" to life, the world, destiny, god, and so on. Since then, I have felt horrible. My stomach lays in ruins, and I've been constantly in and out of face pain and headaches. I've also had a horrible time sleeping (I'm so exhausted that I've started snoring when I eventually do fall asleep), and all in all, I just plain feel shitty.
And to top it, it just dawned on me that my nose has bleed for like a month straight. I'm not talking about a full out nosebleed, but it has slowly, and consistently bled. Every time I blow my nose or perform my "cleaning ritual" (I lack self-regulation/cleaning in my left nostril/sinuses since surgery...Let's just say it involves Q-tips), I find blood...Fresh blood. And on really bad days, I'll wake up to find dried blood caking the roof of my mouth and back of my throat. Too be honest, I'm just a little bit worried about that
If I was in P.E., I'd be Failing
I started working out again. Not so much to get back into shape, but to feel normal...To feel like I did before I was diagnosed. So, I started running on our elliptical glider or w/e it is called in our backyard.
On Friday, I ran a mile, in what I am now calling, the worst workout of my life. It was just pain horrible. My legs felt great...They were barely tired and felt nice and loose, but my lungs! Now that was another story. I was gasping for breath...I couldn't believe I was so winded. I know my lung capacity and efficiency were off, but to this extent? My goodness.
On Saturday, I ran for a little over a mile, then did a quick ab workout, a routine that I learned from speed camp. Legs still felt pretty good, and my breathing was a bit better.
But, in the last two days, I have felt horrible...Legs are still feeling good, which surprised me, but my upper body is done for. My abs are hurting, which was expected...That routine doesn't take much time, but it kicks your ass. And my ribs are aching and hurting...I'm guessing that the muscles around my lungs are just used to not working that hard anymore.
Maybe I just expected too much from myself...I mean, it isn't fair to expect my body to perform after two years of suffering and not exercising. But it feels like just yesterday that I was not just in shape, but in great shape. Another thing I took for granted pre-tumor
Oh Myspace...
Myspace is amazing! I just found out that I remind not one, but two girls of their first crush, both of whom have died, and both of these girls have best friends that lack the ability to spell check. Isn't that such an amazing coincidence? /end sarcasm.
Yes, apparently this is the new scam, porn bot advertisement, whatever, going around Myspace. I got to hand it to them though, they are getting better. I mean, this just wasn't a profile with a "come watch me here" link...Oh no...This one actually had some info on it! And a blog! And some non-male friends! The downfall? Well, besides the two exact messages minutes apart...
1) The photos. Thong and cleavage on a profile with minimal info is pretty much a dead give away.
2) The friends. Looking at the two profiles, they have the exact same set of friends. And not just that, but if you try to view their friends, you get a message saying the account has been disabled/deleted.
3) I began to look through these profiles' so called friends. And upon this further investigation I discovered that they are fully aware that their accounts are being used. They didn't except these people as their friends, and in no way or affiliated with them...Interesting, no?
I Love me some iPod Gadgets
We picked up a Belkin Cassette Adapter the other day, since the CD player in the Jeep refuses to play CDs of any kind nowadays. I wasn't really too thrilled when buying it...The reviews were pretty so-so and it seemed like one of those products you either love, or you hate...And I must say, I love it.
Now, don't get me wrong, it is far from perfect. But for someone who has pretty much been denied freedom of choice in his own car, this thing is a blessing.
It is a little noisy...Too be honest, really noisy, but it isn't that noticeable when you are actually driving. And you have to turn the volume way up on your iPod, or way up on the radio to actually have a normal volume level. Also, it seemed to eat up my battery pretty quickly.
But like I said, this thing is a blessing as I know have quick and easy access to over 7 days worth of music (Can't remember if I'm at 7.2 or 7.7 days).
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
A lot of music has been "Magically appearing" on my desktop. A lot of Nas and some Eric B and Rakim. And today, original soundtracks, and a bit of classical.
Weird huh?
Though I had Forgotten huh?
What journal would be complete with an emo, teen angst, depressed sketch?
Current Mood: Depressed, under the weather, and hurtin
Currently Listening to: "Paid in Full Eric B and Rakim
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Kal-El, or [p]X | Panic! At the Disco), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
GaiaOnline Last.FM
Well, it would appear that my words have come back to bite me in the ass.
Four or so days ago, in one of my paper and pencil journals, I gave a big "fuck you" to life, the world, destiny, god, and so on. Since then, I have felt horrible. My stomach lays in ruins, and I've been constantly in and out of face pain and headaches. I've also had a horrible time sleeping (I'm so exhausted that I've started snoring when I eventually do fall asleep), and all in all, I just plain feel shitty.
And to top it, it just dawned on me that my nose has bleed for like a month straight. I'm not talking about a full out nosebleed, but it has slowly, and consistently bled. Every time I blow my nose or perform my "cleaning ritual" (I lack self-regulation/cleaning in my left nostril/sinuses since surgery...Let's just say it involves Q-tips), I find blood...Fresh blood. And on really bad days, I'll wake up to find dried blood caking the roof of my mouth and back of my throat. Too be honest, I'm just a little bit worried about that
If I was in P.E., I'd be Failing
I started working out again. Not so much to get back into shape, but to feel normal...To feel like I did before I was diagnosed. So, I started running on our elliptical glider or w/e it is called in our backyard.
On Friday, I ran a mile, in what I am now calling, the worst workout of my life. It was just pain horrible. My legs felt great...They were barely tired and felt nice and loose, but my lungs! Now that was another story. I was gasping for breath...I couldn't believe I was so winded. I know my lung capacity and efficiency were off, but to this extent? My goodness.
On Saturday, I ran for a little over a mile, then did a quick ab workout, a routine that I learned from speed camp. Legs still felt pretty good, and my breathing was a bit better.
But, in the last two days, I have felt horrible...Legs are still feeling good, which surprised me, but my upper body is done for. My abs are hurting, which was expected...That routine doesn't take much time, but it kicks your ass. And my ribs are aching and hurting...I'm guessing that the muscles around my lungs are just used to not working that hard anymore.
Maybe I just expected too much from myself...I mean, it isn't fair to expect my body to perform after two years of suffering and not exercising. But it feels like just yesterday that I was not just in shape, but in great shape. Another thing I took for granted pre-tumor
Oh Myspace...
Myspace is amazing! I just found out that I remind not one, but two girls of their first crush, both of whom have died, and both of these girls have best friends that lack the ability to spell check. Isn't that such an amazing coincidence? /end sarcasm.
Yes, apparently this is the new scam, porn bot advertisement, whatever, going around Myspace. I got to hand it to them though, they are getting better. I mean, this just wasn't a profile with a "come watch me here" link...Oh no...This one actually had some info on it! And a blog! And some non-male friends! The downfall? Well, besides the two exact messages minutes apart...
1) The photos. Thong and cleavage on a profile with minimal info is pretty much a dead give away.
2) The friends. Looking at the two profiles, they have the exact same set of friends. And not just that, but if you try to view their friends, you get a message saying the account has been disabled/deleted.
3) I began to look through these profiles' so called friends. And upon this further investigation I discovered that they are fully aware that their accounts are being used. They didn't except these people as their friends, and in no way or affiliated with them...Interesting, no?
I Love me some iPod Gadgets
We picked up a Belkin Cassette Adapter the other day, since the CD player in the Jeep refuses to play CDs of any kind nowadays. I wasn't really too thrilled when buying it...The reviews were pretty so-so and it seemed like one of those products you either love, or you hate...And I must say, I love it.
Now, don't get me wrong, it is far from perfect. But for someone who has pretty much been denied freedom of choice in his own car, this thing is a blessing.
It is a little noisy...Too be honest, really noisy, but it isn't that noticeable when you are actually driving. And you have to turn the volume way up on your iPod, or way up on the radio to actually have a normal volume level. Also, it seemed to eat up my battery pretty quickly.
But like I said, this thing is a blessing as I know have quick and easy access to over 7 days worth of music (Can't remember if I'm at 7.2 or 7.7 days).
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
A lot of music has been "Magically appearing" on my desktop. A lot of Nas and some Eric B and Rakim. And today, original soundtracks, and a bit of classical.
Weird huh?
Though I had Forgotten huh?
What journal would be complete with an emo, teen angst, depressed sketch?
Current Mood: Depressed, under the weather, and hurtin
Currently Listening to: "Paid in Full Eric B and Rakim
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Kal-El, or [p]X | Panic! At the Disco), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
GaiaOnline Last.FM
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XO