The Good
My mom and I unintentionally went Christmas shopping on Friday night. We had originally gone just to get a memory card for my GameCube (Which had been on for nearly a week straight). To further explain that situation, we had bought my niece a GC to replace her old one. She moved in with her dad in Colorado, and he just needed another controller. So, we shipped away the controller and I was stuck with a GC with no accessories. Now this all happened over the summer, and it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I bought my first game (Resident Evil 4) and a controller.
Anyway, back to the XMas shopping. So, we were at Target and we came across Smalleville seasons 2 and 3, so of course we had to pick up those. Then we came across Saving Private Ryan, which I recently found out that my dad believes this is one of the top 5 films ever made, so we picked that up, and then we came across a Greatest Hits CD of the Beastie Boys, which is was a great find for my brother. And of course, we couldn't leave w/o getting the kids some toys, at which time we found a Napoleon Dynamite key chain for my dad.
I never noticed before, but Target is a great place to find women lol. I counted five girls, including our cashier who I found very attractive, trying to get my attention. If only I knew how to talk to women lol...
Anyway, on Saturday one of my friend's hit me up on AIM and wanted to go to Fry's. Wanting to get out of the house, I went with him. So, we get there and we head to the bathroom and I run into another friend who I hadn't seen in a few years. Turns out he works at Fry's, so we chat for a bit, and then friend #1 and I went on our way. We look at some movies, and then of course my friend wanted to pick up some porn. So off to the wall of porn. And it was here that I experienced the most awkward conversation of my life.
So, my friend is taking forever to pick out a damn movie. We get some weird looks from people (Mainly teenagers who I think were jealous ;p ) and see some other weirdoes venture and take a peek at the selection. Anyway, this family (Husband, wife, and a daughter) come by and the guy sees "the wall." So he starts talking about it with his wife, who was obviously embarrassed by the discussion. And then the guy starts talking to me. Now, being a polite young man, I give him my attention and endure this rather awkward moment. Experiences like this make me glad I joined SG lol
I just got done watching SG: The First Tour. Oh how I love my DVR box
The Bad
Ok, to continue from above, I really wish I knew how to talk to women. It isn't that I don't want to, or that I have nothing to say, it is just these walls I have built up for myself. Old habits are hard to break ya know? Hard to believe that I'm a shy guy with all the ranting I do in these journals lol...I don't know, it is just something about the animosity of the net that allows me to be myself. I guess people are just more open on here, and I don't have to worry about what you guys think of me or my image or any of that other bullshit.
The Ugly
So I started my new medicine right? Well, it didn't take long for me to get freaked out by it. By my second dose, I was pissing green, which while being a not-so serious side effect still had me worried. Over the weekend I was extremely tired, achy, and just not feeling well. So I did some digging, because my surgeon was really vague on the side effects of the new meds. My research further freaked me out, because what I have been feeling for the past few days are some of the symptoms of liver problems the new meds can possibly cause. So my mind is freaking out thinking my liver is going to get owned. Nurse calls later that night, parents tell her what is going on, and we get the optimistic answer that it may just be some sort of flu-like virus I may have picked up. I did get a blood test yesterday though (Which I will be doing every 4 weeks while on the meds), so hopefully the nurse is right and everything comes up ok.
But needless to say, all of this crap is taking a toll on me. I recently told my mom I should win an Oscar for the act I put on everyday. I keep up such a strong image that is nowhere close to how I actually feel. I admitted openly to my parents that I was scared yesterday. For the first time in two-years of battling this tumor, I admitted that I was scared. As always, my talks with my parents were less than satisfying. Ever the optimistics, I felt shut out, and just closed myself up again.
I'm not the strong person I portray myself to be. I'm scared, I'm vulnerable, I'm weak. I just can't keep doing this. I'm seriously thinking about just taking a leave of absence from school. I can't concentrate on anything. I'm so preoccupied, that I can't even remember things that occurred just a few hours ago. I need a break. At present time, I just can't do it. I can't be what everyone expects me to me anymore...
America's Past-time
I started playing baseball again. Nothing too fancy. Been throwing in my backyard, playing catch with my dad, just small stuff like that. But it feels amazing. I mean, for the first time in the past two years, I feel normal. I felt like the person I was meant to be, that person I want to be. It is amazing what a simple ball and glove can do for the soul. I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel weak. I was doing what I was born to do. The smell of my glove, the feeling of grass beneath my feet, the feeling of the raised laces on the ball. My body quickly fell back into the motions. The familiar arm movements, the crouching to field ground balls, dropping down to the ground to get that ball in the hole. If ever there is Heaven to be found on Earth, baseball is it.
The Art Scene
I'm so close to finishing my cover, and as biased as this will be, I must say that it fucking kicks ass. Yes, it is that good. I have never put in so much time or have been as proud of a piece as I have been with this one. This has to be the best piece I've done to date. Hopefully I can get it all scanned in for you guys to drool over here in the next few weeks My dad thinks I should try selling it lol...Who knows, maybe I'll put it up for auction or make prints or something for Comic Con next year
In other news, we started a new project in Billy's class. We are doing Christmas pieces, which Billy wanted a darker feel to, so we are doing Nightmare Before Christmas pieces. But here's the best part, our art is going to be put on display. Billy worked out a deal where his classes get the front windows of a store during a holiday festival here. For the first time, I will have my art displayed somewhere (Aside from the internet, and this won't fall through like my art teacher's deal did)!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how fucking awesome that is!!!!!!!!! Yea, if you can't tell by now, I am really looking forward to this experience. Although Billy is going to be separated the piece by class I believe, which sucks for me because my piece is going to be next to some extremely talents artist. But oh well, I'm still looking forward to it
BTW, since this is the art scene discussion. Let me tell you guys this; the indie-comic scene is in deep shit at the moment. Diamond (Practically the only distributor of comics these days) is about to screw over all the little guys with new policies. Billy is fighting them and is in a great position to do some with his connections and the fact that he is going to be a featured guest at the Con this year. I'll keep you guys updated if any of you support indie-scenes and/or comics and want to help.
The Gaming Scene
I'm 0-2 in m last two games on Warcraft III. Just can't seem to get good teammates. Dropped down from 8-2 to 8-4. I may be good, but I just can't carry a team
My friends and I have been owning up Battlefield 2. It is almost ridiculous how good we are together. If only we had five more people, we could get a clan going. Anyway, finally started playing seriously and got my first two unlocks and loads of medals. We've gotten Best Squad more times than I can count. But to give you an idea, we got it 4 times in a row the other night before I was kicked from the server and went to bed lol
Current Mood: Fearful and tired of crap
Currently Listening to: "That Night" - Atmosphere
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of Smallville and Miami Ink
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix or [p]X | KalEl Krypton's Last Son), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror or t3tsu0 on USWest)
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
My mom and I unintentionally went Christmas shopping on Friday night. We had originally gone just to get a memory card for my GameCube (Which had been on for nearly a week straight). To further explain that situation, we had bought my niece a GC to replace her old one. She moved in with her dad in Colorado, and he just needed another controller. So, we shipped away the controller and I was stuck with a GC with no accessories. Now this all happened over the summer, and it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I bought my first game (Resident Evil 4) and a controller.
Anyway, back to the XMas shopping. So, we were at Target and we came across Smalleville seasons 2 and 3, so of course we had to pick up those. Then we came across Saving Private Ryan, which I recently found out that my dad believes this is one of the top 5 films ever made, so we picked that up, and then we came across a Greatest Hits CD of the Beastie Boys, which is was a great find for my brother. And of course, we couldn't leave w/o getting the kids some toys, at which time we found a Napoleon Dynamite key chain for my dad.
I never noticed before, but Target is a great place to find women lol. I counted five girls, including our cashier who I found very attractive, trying to get my attention. If only I knew how to talk to women lol...
Anyway, on Saturday one of my friend's hit me up on AIM and wanted to go to Fry's. Wanting to get out of the house, I went with him. So, we get there and we head to the bathroom and I run into another friend who I hadn't seen in a few years. Turns out he works at Fry's, so we chat for a bit, and then friend #1 and I went on our way. We look at some movies, and then of course my friend wanted to pick up some porn. So off to the wall of porn. And it was here that I experienced the most awkward conversation of my life.
So, my friend is taking forever to pick out a damn movie. We get some weird looks from people (Mainly teenagers who I think were jealous ;p ) and see some other weirdoes venture and take a peek at the selection. Anyway, this family (Husband, wife, and a daughter) come by and the guy sees "the wall." So he starts talking about it with his wife, who was obviously embarrassed by the discussion. And then the guy starts talking to me. Now, being a polite young man, I give him my attention and endure this rather awkward moment. Experiences like this make me glad I joined SG lol
I just got done watching SG: The First Tour. Oh how I love my DVR box
The Bad
Ok, to continue from above, I really wish I knew how to talk to women. It isn't that I don't want to, or that I have nothing to say, it is just these walls I have built up for myself. Old habits are hard to break ya know? Hard to believe that I'm a shy guy with all the ranting I do in these journals lol...I don't know, it is just something about the animosity of the net that allows me to be myself. I guess people are just more open on here, and I don't have to worry about what you guys think of me or my image or any of that other bullshit.
The Ugly
So I started my new medicine right? Well, it didn't take long for me to get freaked out by it. By my second dose, I was pissing green, which while being a not-so serious side effect still had me worried. Over the weekend I was extremely tired, achy, and just not feeling well. So I did some digging, because my surgeon was really vague on the side effects of the new meds. My research further freaked me out, because what I have been feeling for the past few days are some of the symptoms of liver problems the new meds can possibly cause. So my mind is freaking out thinking my liver is going to get owned. Nurse calls later that night, parents tell her what is going on, and we get the optimistic answer that it may just be some sort of flu-like virus I may have picked up. I did get a blood test yesterday though (Which I will be doing every 4 weeks while on the meds), so hopefully the nurse is right and everything comes up ok.
But needless to say, all of this crap is taking a toll on me. I recently told my mom I should win an Oscar for the act I put on everyday. I keep up such a strong image that is nowhere close to how I actually feel. I admitted openly to my parents that I was scared yesterday. For the first time in two-years of battling this tumor, I admitted that I was scared. As always, my talks with my parents were less than satisfying. Ever the optimistics, I felt shut out, and just closed myself up again.
I'm not the strong person I portray myself to be. I'm scared, I'm vulnerable, I'm weak. I just can't keep doing this. I'm seriously thinking about just taking a leave of absence from school. I can't concentrate on anything. I'm so preoccupied, that I can't even remember things that occurred just a few hours ago. I need a break. At present time, I just can't do it. I can't be what everyone expects me to me anymore...
America's Past-time
I started playing baseball again. Nothing too fancy. Been throwing in my backyard, playing catch with my dad, just small stuff like that. But it feels amazing. I mean, for the first time in the past two years, I feel normal. I felt like the person I was meant to be, that person I want to be. It is amazing what a simple ball and glove can do for the soul. I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel weak. I was doing what I was born to do. The smell of my glove, the feeling of grass beneath my feet, the feeling of the raised laces on the ball. My body quickly fell back into the motions. The familiar arm movements, the crouching to field ground balls, dropping down to the ground to get that ball in the hole. If ever there is Heaven to be found on Earth, baseball is it.
The Art Scene
I'm so close to finishing my cover, and as biased as this will be, I must say that it fucking kicks ass. Yes, it is that good. I have never put in so much time or have been as proud of a piece as I have been with this one. This has to be the best piece I've done to date. Hopefully I can get it all scanned in for you guys to drool over here in the next few weeks
My dad thinks I should try selling it lol...Who knows, maybe I'll put it up for auction or make prints or something for Comic Con next year
In other news, we started a new project in Billy's class. We are doing Christmas pieces, which Billy wanted a darker feel to, so we are doing Nightmare Before Christmas pieces. But here's the best part, our art is going to be put on display. Billy worked out a deal where his classes get the front windows of a store during a holiday festival here. For the first time, I will have my art displayed somewhere (Aside from the internet, and this won't fall through like my art teacher's deal did)!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how fucking awesome that is!!!!!!!!! Yea, if you can't tell by now, I am really looking forward to this experience. Although Billy is going to be separated the piece by class I believe, which sucks for me because my piece is going to be next to some extremely talents artist. But oh well, I'm still looking forward to it
BTW, since this is the art scene discussion. Let me tell you guys this; the indie-comic scene is in deep shit at the moment. Diamond (Practically the only distributor of comics these days) is about to screw over all the little guys with new policies. Billy is fighting them and is in a great position to do some with his connections and the fact that he is going to be a featured guest at the Con this year. I'll keep you guys updated if any of you support indie-scenes and/or comics and want to help.
The Gaming Scene
I'm 0-2 in m last two games on Warcraft III. Just can't seem to get good teammates. Dropped down from 8-2 to 8-4. I may be good, but I just can't carry a team
My friends and I have been owning up Battlefield 2. It is almost ridiculous how good we are together. If only we had five more people, we could get a clan going. Anyway, finally started playing seriously and got my first two unlocks and loads of medals. We've gotten Best Squad more times than I can count. But to give you an idea, we got it 4 times in a row the other night before I was kicked from the server and went to bed lol
Current Mood: Fearful and tired of crap
Currently Listening to: "That Night" - Atmosphere
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of Smallville and Miami Ink
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix or [p]X | KalEl Krypton's Last Son), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror or t3tsu0 on USWest)
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls