If I only had some courage.
Today, I've sat ponderously over a submission form for a writing magazine, wanting desperately to send in a short story I had written about a year and a half ago. Unfortunately, I can't seem to take the leap of faith. It's not that I have doubts about my writing or even that I'm afraid of criticism. I do, and I am (a little), but it's never stopped me from taking a risk of open-mic nights or writer's workshops. While the latter might not be punishing, the former can be nerve-wracking based on the reaction. But, something about submitting a story makes me pause, while talking on a microphone doesn't.
Maybe I feel "unworthy" somehow, or that I'm not ready, which would be bullshit if I really thought that, since writing is the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life with one hundred percent certainty.
No, it's none of that. I guess, in all honesty, I'm afraid of the submission guidelines more than anything. "Use this font, in 12-point, double-spaced, yakkity yakkity yak yawny doo." Reading the guidelines would make me break out in a sweat even if it wasn't 88 degrees in my apartment. I think I'm more worried about screwing up one of these guidelines in my submission and making a complete gaffe than whether or not the editor will send back a twenty page critique of my twelve page story telling me that my work is absolute drudgery. A completely silly thing to worry about, I know, but it's enough to stop me from pushing a button.
Today, I've sat ponderously over a submission form for a writing magazine, wanting desperately to send in a short story I had written about a year and a half ago. Unfortunately, I can't seem to take the leap of faith. It's not that I have doubts about my writing or even that I'm afraid of criticism. I do, and I am (a little), but it's never stopped me from taking a risk of open-mic nights or writer's workshops. While the latter might not be punishing, the former can be nerve-wracking based on the reaction. But, something about submitting a story makes me pause, while talking on a microphone doesn't.
Maybe I feel "unworthy" somehow, or that I'm not ready, which would be bullshit if I really thought that, since writing is the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life with one hundred percent certainty.
No, it's none of that. I guess, in all honesty, I'm afraid of the submission guidelines more than anything. "Use this font, in 12-point, double-spaced, yakkity yakkity yak yawny doo." Reading the guidelines would make me break out in a sweat even if it wasn't 88 degrees in my apartment. I think I'm more worried about screwing up one of these guidelines in my submission and making a complete gaffe than whether or not the editor will send back a twenty page critique of my twelve page story telling me that my work is absolute drudgery. A completely silly thing to worry about, I know, but it's enough to stop me from pushing a button.
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You do open-mic nights? You have plenty of courage.
It may be disillusioning to some people, but can I give some unsolicited advice? This is what helps me:
I know I'm a wee bit nuts. I tell myself that no one looks as closely as I do at myself. I just take a leap of faith, and I realize that even if I fail, no one really cares enough to notice. Possibly the worst advice ever, but that works for me.