wendy

this might be the mother of all updates.

I woke up Friday morning while it was still dark outside, because I had to take my little pup to the kennel before I caught the train to NY. Took him, it was traumatizing, he screamed like a little kid and peed everywhere and looked at me with those eyes like I was the worst mother in the world. He probably thinks i'm not coming back.

i mean really.
how can you say bye to THIS at a kennel.



Almost missed the train with my dad...we went in and checked in to our hotel in Herald Square. They wouldn't let us check in until 4 so we just had to leave our bags there. At that point I hopped on the train down to the LES and met up with the lovely Aspen, who's accent is too fucking cute to be true. We did some much needed shopping (which involved me buying this fucking fabulous shirt


as well as the best cigarette case EVER (gold snakeskin and blue suede), an amazing thermal with orange and green trees on it, a special present for a certian someone, a hot tanktop from misssixty.. and i think that's it. then aspen took me to a lovely coffee shop where i got peach cobbler herbal tea and we sat and chatted for a bit. dinner with the parents uptown, then back to LES to drink massive amounts of tequila with aspen, anabele, jason, saya and her sweet sister, and emilyeve and her fucking awesome friend rodney. so much tequila. then we went to lit lounge and another bar (can't remember the name) where a bunch of members were. I met a few members and shut down the bar with nadzofsteel, mnislahi, and her awesome husband who's member name i don't know. we ruled the jager bombs. yeah we did. oh, and i've fallen completely in love with mnislahi. i would propose if she wasn't already married.

went back to my hotel, drunk as hell, and had to wake up early to go to an art exhibit with my parents. i saw Egon Schiele's exhibit at the Neue Gallery on 86th street, and if you guys can get there you should all go. It's fucking incredible. He was an incredible man.
i've had this print hanging in my bedroom since before i can remember. egon's wife died in the 1918 influenza epidemic, and he died three days later. on the day of her funeral. top THAT, romeo and juliet.


after the exhibit we got the best salads ever (anything with feta equals best ever, though) and then my parents left to avoid the insane new york city crowd that was about to get going. i got on the train to go to astoria to see emilyeve and rodney. i love them. i want to live with them and play card games and watch good movies all day. rodney will play good music and his roommate christiana will make me laugh so fucking hard. i'm sure you already knew how hard emilyeve rules, but i'll tell you again. she rules. really hard.

the SG party in astoria was way too fun. i drank an entire bottle of champagne while playing cards with emilyeve earlier in the evening so i was already completely tanked when i got there. it was so lovely meeting all of the ladies (mle, gadget, campbellhellah, hunter, lexie, and of course mnislahi was there too).. and all of the members. i would go through and list everyone but i'm sure i'll forget names. everyone was so nice and i had an amazing time. i wish i had something like that to do every night, but that would make for a dropping out of school situation. shut down the evening (meaning we were there until 4:30) withmnislahi, the hubbers, kittie (who is so fucking adorable. i love her.) and kyle0men. i apparently was talking to some rich egyptian business men for quite some time because they "undersood me" and they continued to buy me drinks and intice me to enter into some sort of "sugar daddy" situation. campbell got engaged! i forgot that part. that was the cutest ever. i love her. sg wedding! yay!
we stayed at mle and newyorkmatt's place in astoria and they are so lovely. i wish i could have stayed longer. i got to look at some hot photography and finally see the real sex SG special. heather is so fucking hot. i love anything that she's a part of. she's my hero.

we then stopped at a diner and i proceeded to go to the bathroom and puke my life up. i don't know how i survived walking around, i felt like death until around 5pm. we took the train to times square and i had to bid farewell to my new favoriteladyever. i walked to port authority to catch my train home...and who sneaks up on me? kyle0men. we sat in a restaurant for a while and through a detailed discussion actually determined that the egyptian men were probably trying to kill me, not fuck me. we realized that he saved my life. i owe him the world.

pictures will come soon.
boston tomorrow morning.



nobunnies and i just made the best.survey.ever. because we're bored out of our faces and i'm going to fill it out and then tag you motherfuckers.
happy new year. how hard does the new mary set rule?

BESTSURVEYEVER.

1. As *nsync would say, God must have spent a little more time on you. What, exactly, did God spend more time on?

God spent a little more time on Johnny Depp. That's who that song is about, and that's the only human that God has actually gone out of his way to spend extra time putting together. The rest of us mere mortals were not given the attention and special care that Johnny was given. It's quite evident, really. I'm sure you all already knew this.

2. If you had to start your own war against something, what would it be and why? Also, what would the protestors do in protest, to show they think your war is evil?

I would start a war against hipsters. To fight back, the hipsters would probably cut their hair as crazy as they possibly could, buy all of the cowboy boots in the world so that the cowboys couldn't find them anymore (which would inevitably lead to some cowboy suicides..that would be a sweet sg name. cowboy suicide.anyway). and they would probably start some bands and write some zines and crap like that. fuck the hipsters. fuck them in their dirty asses.

3. In the movie of your life, who would play you and who would play your lover?

i might have to say that xena would play me. we do have the same hair right now. but i've been told lately that i kind of favor ginnifer goodwin (from walk the line) and she's pretty much the hottest piece of ass ever, so i think i'd choose her.

my lover would be clive owen. and the movie of my life would be a porno flick.

4. What flavor of diet coke do you next want?

peach. everything is better in peach.

5. Insert picture of what you think is the best.hair.ever.



6. If girls had penises and boys had vaginas, who would you date/fuck?

definitely girls. sometimes i think that the only reason i fuck men is because they have penises. if they weren't there, i would really have no interest. they're pretty lame creatures, and incredibly predictable. girls aren't so much. i fucking hate predictableness.

7. Have you ever farted in public? if so, what were the circumstances?

i'm sure i have a few times. i don't remember any specific incidents though. it was never like a totally embarrasing big deal. my farts smell like fucking roses, so it doesn't really matter.

8. Tell one crazy I cant believe how drunk I was story.

well this one time i went to this sg party and had like 10 glasses of champagne, almost leaving with a rich egyptian restaurant owner who was old enough to be a really old dad. my life was saved though, by my savior. he knows who he is. hi savior.

9. Ideal Christmas stocking?

ooh. the new line from MAC (especially the new limited edition pigments), some parliament lights, a butterfly vibrator like the one in apnea's set, some tigerwood plugs from omerica organic, a crazy zoom lens for my rebel, khiels #1 lip balm (you can never have too much), an avocado and some peppermints. oh and lingere. lots of it. from agent provocateur. and a card that says i bought you a miniature donkey. he's outside.

10. Who is Britney Spears soul mate?

justin. duh. they were meant to be and the whole world will soon know it.

11. What is the one book you think everyone should read?

bitch by elizabeth wurtzel. you guys would all understand us women a little bit better. and you women, well, you wouldn't be such jealous catty bitches. everyone should also read the ethical slut. i guess i just cheated. two books.

12. At your heaviest, how much did you weigh? Liar.

i'm going to lie, so i'm not even going to answer it. i wasn't at my heaviest in my set, but i'm about 20 pounds lighter now than i was when i shot it. word to weightloss.

13. Ever puked and run? Tell us your story, then join our club. http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=puke_and_run

i puked in the diner bathroom earlier. that was fun. i've puked all types of places, and i'm a card carrying member of the puke and run club (i'm also one of the founders).

this is a good one. one night i was taking a subway home from a party in boston and i was so wasted i knew i couldn't make it to a bathroom. i was salivating to the point where i knew it was going to happen. the train was pretty empty. it stopped at charles/mgh, the doors open, i puked onto the platform, the doors closed, we kept going. puke and run TO THE MAX.

14. Tell one too tired to finish masturbating story, then join our club.
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=2tired2finish

a few nights before i left for winter break i actually woke up with my vibrator in my pj pants. it was at the bottom of them near my ankle. the batteries had died. DAMMIT. the worst part about 2tired2finish is when the batteries die and then you have to go take them out of your remote. "wendy why aren't there any batteries in the tv remote? how many fucking times has this happened wendy?"

15. Write down three true facts, and one lie. Don't tell us which one is the lie.

i used to date rapper Cam'ron
my uncle invented earth day
i've lived in 8 different places since i was born.
which one do you guys think is a lie?

16. Insert your favorite cute/cuddly picture (just to make us smile).



a cute cuddly owl! coo coo owl!


17. If you cooked a dinner for someone you were head over heels in love with, what would you cook?

definitely some fucking steak. marinated in my own special creation, definitely lots of rosemary and fresh garlic cloves. homemade potatoes, steamed broccoli, and a bottle of beringer white zinfandel. i know it's cheap but i love that shit to death. i also make the best salads known to man, so i'd make one of those. and green tea ice cream. yeah. you wish i was head over heels in love with you.

18. If you had to write something on your forehead and walk around with it all day, what would it be?

i rule. what else?

19. What is your favorite piece of art, and would you please post a picture of it below?

i love egon schiele's paintings of his lover wally. and this one he did of his sister, gertie.



20. Would you have sex with Xena, Warrior Princess? What would it be like? Also, if you said no, are you crazy? What are your reasons for declining?

i would totally have sex with her. she would be the top, of course. it would involve strap ons and a ball gag.

21. Whats your favorite animal? show us.

its a tie between tigers and miniature donkeys. i'll show you a couple of both.








22. If you were a color, what color would you be? Why?

coral, because that's the most rock and roll color of all. i would adore to be coral. everything should be coral. and everything that is coral is cool.

23. What turns you on? If it invovles a ball gag, please describe.

there's nothing hotter than being told what to do. if that involves being told to wear a ball gag, bring it on. as long as you tell me to do it. that's what makes it hot.

24. On a scale of 1 to 10, how dumb is it to decline the above question by answering 'that's too personal' ? wicked fucking dumb. 15.

25. Why are ball gags sexy?

because submission is sexy, and ball gags are an illustration of submission.

26. Do you have any personal opinions on ice trays?

YES i do. you can tell who wrote this survey. hahaha. i fucking hate when people refill ice trays when they aren't yet empty, and then when you go to get ice there is fucking water in some of the cubes so you can't get it without spilling it all over yourself. or you don't realize it and spill it all over the kitchen fucking floor.
i also can't stand when people don't fill the water to the top, so that when you break the ice you can't pull out the pieces one by one, you have to empty it and the cubes go everywhere and fucking god people why can't you just be normal with the ice trays! jesus!


27. What's the most painful thing you've ever had done to you/done to another person during sex?

i've had some ass slaps that hurt pretty fucking badly. i've woken up the next day bruised and sore, although it was lovely when it happened.

28. If you had to be stranded for the rest of your life on a desert island and pick one person to go with you, would you pick someone you could really talk to or someone who gave you the best sex of your life? If you say both, youre a fucking whore.

obviously someone i could fuck. i couldn't deal with a life of bad sex. i'm smart enough to just deal with my own intelligence and get by based on that. i would learn on my own (how fucking concieted am i?)

29. What is the biggest insult someone could tell you?

that i'm a liar. i don't lie.

30. If you were/are a big dyke, would you wear the strap on or would your partner

it should be so obvious to you right now that i would never wear the strap on. ever.

Tag five people:
cain, shellymc, dorwayin, lolo and kyle0men. get to it, bitches.