waxlips

I think I'm going to post the same thing that I wrote in my Myspace blog since the sentiment hasn't changed within the last hour. Heh.
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Mmhmm, what did I doooooo!!!!!!!

I start school this evening....yes....
I should be overjoyed at this great opportunity but the sheer cost of this great opportunity overwhelms me and my paranoid side comes out. Even though everything is paid for as of now, fear creeps into that one part of my brain that sometimes renders me incapable of anything. The fact that I have to go into two fairly frightening and dangerous neighborhoods late at night without any protection whatsoever except my fists also puts a damper on the mood. Heh. I can't let the high school fears take over, fuck what everyone likes me to wear or wants me to act, I'm going there to learn and its something I've always dreampt about and about four years ago never saw possible. God I fucking hate my mind sometimes, when can I have some power over you damnit!!!
Even though I say certain things, I'm a pussey at heart, I always was, its something I "gained" from my mother's genetic makeup. Most of the time I'm able to put a facade up and somehow trick myself into thinking that I think that way but today it doesn't seem possible. Last night at the school I wasn't the efficient, calm, and curt manager that I am everyday at Papa John's, in fact I think children in pre-school could of bossed me around. I could barely speak. How horrible. Maybe I should drink before I go, heh, that always opens me up! Wish me luck.