Things suck. A lot. The best things that have happened over the past few months were the Blackheart Burlesque show (See my photo gallery) And I shot my first short film. After that everything has plummeted, putting me in a really bad place.
Let's start with the big one, if you've read any of my other rambles about my life you'll know that I have issues with my birthday. Mostly because everyone forgets about it/doesn't care. WELL a few months back I got a call at around 7:30 in the morning from my newly engaged sister. She called to ask with I would be upset if they set the wedding on my birthday next year... my 25th Birthday. I told her that yes, I would be upset by that and she freaked out on me, pretty much just asking why. Which is what I have been getting from my folks about this crap. You see, this whole thing is actually killing me. I think about it way to often, and I feel like my sister is stealing this day from me, making it all about her even though she is the spoiled one in the family. I have 2 sisters, I'm the youngest, She's the middle child. But it's not just that. If she had planned it on my other sisters birthday my mom would have freaked, but mine? No problem. This makes me feel like the most unwanted person ever. It angers me to no end and my parents (well my Mom my Dad tries to avoid this topic so he doesn't have to have an emotional talk with me) just keep asking me why this bugs me so much. I think thats it for this crap, on to more crap.
Next we have that I'm finished school, which is great. But do I have a job? No. Did any of my business profs who set up jobs for a lot of other people who don't do sound work help? No. Am I"m damn good at my work. So What am I doing? Oh you know, Trying to find work having no money and now very behind on my rent. Will my parents help? Nope. I have been applying for jobs for a month now and have come up empty. 2 interviews with no call backs. I apply for shit every day and don't know why I haven't gotten anything. Oh the kicker on this is I had a call yesterday for a job offer, it is at the place I worked lasted summer but I would be working for my gf's mom. Not like seeing her everyday but working in her department... and she turned me down... Thanks.
Lastly I've just been feeling like nothing. I feel unwanted, I feel useless and I feel unattractive. On my way home today I couldn't look at my reflection, I just thought I look terrible. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to talk to, or who would listen or who would care. Yes I do have a Gf but she usually makes my moods worse instead of better, she will literally not say a work when I'm in a bad mood, so that's helpful...
I just don't know.