waterfordman

I get a great deal of pleasure in making others happy. It's how I am. I put others first everytime over me and take very little time to think about what I should or could be doing. That is one of the main reasons I am able to tell how others are feeling, even on cam. If someone says they are Ok more often than not they aren't. If I can make someone's day I will do my best to do so.

Part of avoiding the issues around me is probably laziness and also fear. Fear of the unknown as I haven't exactly had it easy ever. It may be true that I have been sucessful and have a nice house, car and career but something is missing. I came from a single parent family as my Dad died before I was old enough to get to know him. Life was a struggle growing up and I vowed that I would do everything in my power to make sure those around me didn't have to go through what I did or had something to make them smile on the darkest of days.

All around me friends have got together, drifted apart and got back together again. In amongst them I sit wondering why I have not had the same luck that they have and why I am facing yet another Christmas without a partner. Even when I am on the bus or the tube I people watch, wondering how some couples actually met, watch their interactions in my brief inlook into their lives. That could be a book subject if I was so minded, I guess.

I have family to share Christmas with but it isn't the same. I get plenty of invites to parties but going alone to some of them just doesn't do it for me anymore, especially when I spend the evening either listening to others Housing woes or fobbing off questions as to why I am alone yet again. I will have a great lunch for Christmas but will probably be just as happy sitting online with my online friends who I spend quality time with most days against spending time in forced company offline.

It is a vicious circle, I just wish that I had more confidence in myself to break it. Don't get me wrong I am a confident and open enough person who doesn't shy from a challenge professionally yet personally I am completely differant and am totally stuck in this circle of despair.

Each year I start to make resolutions and tell myself that the new year will bge completely differant from the last one. I don't know why I get side tracked so easily and find myself towards the end of November wondering where the year went to and why I broke every resolution that I had.

Meanwhile life goes on, I continue to keep my mind filled with happy thoughts, determined to shut out any depressing thoughts of solitude because if I allow myself to dwell its "No Bueno"

To end on a happy note, I recently entered a photo competition on Orfay.com with this photograph which I have posted here before. I am over the moon that I won. No real prize just the Kudos , plus all the great comments from members and friends on here that my photos are cool , every comment means a lot so please keep them coming, thanks to all and have a very good Christmas & New Year.