So I have this event tomorrow to raise money for the annual Children in Need event that the BBC run.
I have already managed to put my foot in it after being called by someone who didnt have tickets at 1am this morning telling me they had tickets available from the organiser as long as they can get there.
You can guess what I did, yes I agreed to pay for their hotel and also the train trip down so they can come. This morning I found out that they were a little economical with the truth so I have spent time thinking whether I bother to go and just let them all get on with it. At 1am when they called , playing a prank call on me as payback I really wasn't up for long discussions as I had to be up at 6am today and had gone to bed at 11pm to try to sleep.
The event will have around 70 people at, I will know a few but not that many. I am also a little worried because I really don't like large meetings as they make me uncomfortable. Being 6ft6 I stand out and the last one I attended someone who I thought was a good friend said in a loud voice , next time they will help me shop for an outfit. I was smart casually dressed and quite happy till then. Comments like that dont help my confidence at these friend making events.
So for tomorrow I have mixed feelings about the whole event. I also have a number of forfeits to complete for charity as well.
The odd thing about the whole anxiety situation is I have no problem getting up in front of strangers and speaking professionally. However socialising is something that I have to warm up to. I am also conscious of my disability which is that I can't hold a glass or a cup steady and a big reason why if offered I'll never take a cup of tea or coffee unless its in a take away cup or a large mug.
The disability also affects my writing in that holding a pen is becomming impossible, something that embarrasses me greatly and causes me stress. I have heard the comments behind my back that I've got the DDTs or something similar and those comments are hurtful as if people actually asked I would be able to tell them my nervous system was totally knocked some years ago when I had a very nasty fall from a building.
I am also very wary as having had a couple of nasty experiences and near misses with these meets in the past so I need to keep quiet and try to enjoy the event with those who I want to meet and who want to meet me.
As for me I am lost, I really don't know what I want anymore. I know that things need to change as I very much feel that I am stuck on a treadmill that is going nowhere. It's not for the want of trying its that I never get a break. Many people on here will wonder what the hell I am on about as my appearance can show that I am happy go lucky when in fact I am totally fed up and wondering when someone will want to figure me out and ask how am I really feeling and mean it. Being totally alone and having no friends that I feel comfortable telling how I am feeling and how my days are really going is getting more difficult by the hour.
I have already managed to put my foot in it after being called by someone who didnt have tickets at 1am this morning telling me they had tickets available from the organiser as long as they can get there.
You can guess what I did, yes I agreed to pay for their hotel and also the train trip down so they can come. This morning I found out that they were a little economical with the truth so I have spent time thinking whether I bother to go and just let them all get on with it. At 1am when they called , playing a prank call on me as payback I really wasn't up for long discussions as I had to be up at 6am today and had gone to bed at 11pm to try to sleep.
The event will have around 70 people at, I will know a few but not that many. I am also a little worried because I really don't like large meetings as they make me uncomfortable. Being 6ft6 I stand out and the last one I attended someone who I thought was a good friend said in a loud voice , next time they will help me shop for an outfit. I was smart casually dressed and quite happy till then. Comments like that dont help my confidence at these friend making events.
So for tomorrow I have mixed feelings about the whole event. I also have a number of forfeits to complete for charity as well.
The odd thing about the whole anxiety situation is I have no problem getting up in front of strangers and speaking professionally. However socialising is something that I have to warm up to. I am also conscious of my disability which is that I can't hold a glass or a cup steady and a big reason why if offered I'll never take a cup of tea or coffee unless its in a take away cup or a large mug.
The disability also affects my writing in that holding a pen is becomming impossible, something that embarrasses me greatly and causes me stress. I have heard the comments behind my back that I've got the DDTs or something similar and those comments are hurtful as if people actually asked I would be able to tell them my nervous system was totally knocked some years ago when I had a very nasty fall from a building.
I am also very wary as having had a couple of nasty experiences and near misses with these meets in the past so I need to keep quiet and try to enjoy the event with those who I want to meet and who want to meet me.
As for me I am lost, I really don't know what I want anymore. I know that things need to change as I very much feel that I am stuck on a treadmill that is going nowhere. It's not for the want of trying its that I never get a break. Many people on here will wonder what the hell I am on about as my appearance can show that I am happy go lucky when in fact I am totally fed up and wondering when someone will want to figure me out and ask how am I really feeling and mean it. Being totally alone and having no friends that I feel comfortable telling how I am feeling and how my days are really going is getting more difficult by the hour.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I'm sorry that someone did that to you. It was gross of them and completely reprehensible.
I hope they get what's coming to them and that the situation resolves itself with the least amount of pain and stress possible for you.
Be well, and thank you. I wouldn't be able to be typing this comment if it weren't for your selfless generosity.
-Liz(butt)