My Mum drives a very reliable Corsa, but last Tuesday it developed a fault and broke down. The AA man turned up fixed it and my mother went home instead of continuing working. She had been planning to visit my Nana at the nursing home she's been in for the past two months (Nana had Alzheimer's, its a hideous fucking disease you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy) and due to being home early went to visit Nana.
As she sat there with Nana holding her hand and talking it became clear Nana had passed on. Mum sat there a little longer in case she was wrong, but sadly she wasn't. Dorothy Lloyd had died. I like to think that somehow the universe made sure someone who cared about her was there when it happened.
Like I say Nana had Alzheimer's, and its a disease you don't recover from. Last time I saw her she had to be reminded who I was. Thats the tame part of it, later comes not remembering how to eat, how to breath and everything else you take for granted. if you suffer from your family is going to watch every shred of dignity you had torn away. My Mum thinks that Nana had decided to go now, that she'd lived a full life and that the rest of us didn't deserve to see that.
Although it sounds horrible to say that its a relief she went before that, its also true. No one wants to see a beloved grandparent go through that.
I'll end this on a happier note, this is what I said at her funeral. It's why I'll remember her, why I'm sad she's gone and why she was brilliant person.
There are two things that I will never forget about Nana. I have many many happy memories but two things will stay with me. Might not seem like many but they arent just memories, they mean a whole lot more to me.
Way back when I was four or five I was having some difficulty wrapping my head around reading. I dont recall what the problem was, but the whole process just hadnt clicked with me yet. It probably caused me a lot of frustration.
Obviously reading is a key skill, possibly even more important than the ability to write. Certainly one doesnt come without the other. So its makes what my Nana did for me quite important.
I remember her telling that by the time I was six I be able to do all this without a problem.
She didnt say Youll learn this or else, it wasnt a challenge. It was just simple reassurance that I would be able to do this.
Im very sure to my young brain this meant a lot. I mean if Nana said it then it had to be true, if she reckoned I could do it then the outcome was predefined.
I have vague memories of hating reading, but very quickly changing my mind and wanting to read everything and I still do. So I thank my Nana for that.
The second thing is much simpler.
I cant remember Nana ever not smiling.
That may sound a bit sentimental, a bit corny perhaps, but its true. And its how I always remember her.
Goodbye Nana.