I spend a lot of my nights pondering life, it's meaning, our place in the cosmos and death. most times i get pretty depressed really quickly because i begin to try and wrap my head around the sheer scale of the universe and all i can think about is how vastly insignificant we are. I was raised Catholic and they always sad "have faith in God" and all that, but with all the ideas about an after-life, or a lack thereof, I'm hesitant to place just blind faith in to a deity who has seemed to drop the ball a few times.
almost every after life scenario has a plot hole in it big enough to drive a tank through, and that scares the shit out of me. I'm scared of dying, not the act of becoming dead, though that is terrifying enough, but simply the idea of not existing anymore. POOF, gone. My life is so fragile, so subject to the whims of fate and everyone else, that i could just up and NOT BE A THING at a moments notice. what if i dont even notice i die? what then? as a highly inquisitive person who needs to know the answers to why shit happens to him, ill be pissed if i dont see my death coming.
i could rant forever on this but i feel like the internet is already kinda bummed out by it o far. please feel free to cheer me up in any way you see fit