That does it, I'm putting our kittens on eBay.
Everything started so well, too. We basically bought the two cutest kittens in the universe, and I know everyone says this, but everyone is wrong, and I'm right. Frosty and Pudge are beautiful, adorable critters. Look at them:
Couldn't you just steal them? (I would be okay with this, potential theives) Not only are they ludicrously cute, they are perfect lapcats, they will jump on us at any given opportunity, begging for attention. They purr constantly. They love to sleep on us, play friendly, and so far, our four hamsters are still alive. We have totally fallen in love with these kittens; even my black devil heart has been melted, making me turn into some effete bitch every time I'm with one of them.What's not to love?
Well, quite a lot as it goes. For behind that cute exterior, Frosty and Pudge are the duffest kittens ever. On the first day of owning them I got a glimpse of the gastronomic nightmare that was to await us, when I looked in their room to find that a rhino had shat in their litter tray. One of the kittens had managed to force out a turd four times its body size. And the smell! Jesus! You could weaponise it and invade Asia. Things were not looking good. Still, despite the fact that I spent most all my free time clearing monster shits from the litter tray, one look at the beautiful things and my heart melted. They really are the most adorable things ever.
How could I stay mad at that? Lunacy.
But then came more problems, most of which involving the fucktards at the RSPCA. The kittens weren't vaccinated despite promises, they both had colds, Frosty had a heart murmur which could cause her problems in later life, and then Pudge got a gammy eye. We spent more time at the vets than the vet. And the costs are bloody astronomical - our food budget is now shot, so it looks like squirrel for tea every night til payday. Gah!
Unfortunately, we've had to take Pudge to a specialist about her eye, which it turns out is possibly something far more sinister than just a gammy eye, and will require months of continuous treatment, with no guarantee of her general health improving. The prognosis isn't good, and it looks like the emotional heartache she's already put us through is going to continue.
With all the trouble the we've been through with Pudge, you'd think Frosty would try her very best to be a bit healthy and not be a complete fucking nightmare. Fat chance. She's decided to stop licking her bits clean after going for one of her Rhino shits, which has just been a barrel of fun. There's nothing like a Friday night in with your loved one spent wiping a kitten's arse for cling-on poo. Fucking GAH!!!! And to top it off, she's developed a nasty case of diarrhea recently, so after she bum-wees into the litter tray, she will wander off leaving poo dripping from her bum following her all the way, usually into my arms. Its shit-ville in this house at the minute. We've tried bathing her, which she hates, or wiping her with wet-wipes, which she hates. So guess what? Tomorrow its off to the vets again. Whoopdee fucking do.
Frosty in happier, less pooey times
God knows why she has stopping grooming her arse (the rest of her she cleans so much I feel she's mocking me). However, the other day she did get into bum-licking position, but just as the foot went up in the air and the head went to the anus, she positively recoiled! Can't blame her really, its not something I'm into either.
Still, things came to a head this morning. She likes sleeping on my bag, on top of which I'd chucked a LoveFilm dvd envelope last night to stick in the post in the morning. I woke up, threw the envelope in the bag without noticing anything amiss. Only when I got to the post box this morning did I notice the big brown stain across the envelope and across the hand that was now holding it. Guess who'd been sleeping on my bag last night? The little bastard.
So, there's nothing else for it.
Ebay.
ps. And what's worse, StuffOnMyCat.com haven't accepted any of my submissions.
Fuckers.
Everything started so well, too. We basically bought the two cutest kittens in the universe, and I know everyone says this, but everyone is wrong, and I'm right. Frosty and Pudge are beautiful, adorable critters. Look at them:
Couldn't you just steal them? (I would be okay with this, potential theives) Not only are they ludicrously cute, they are perfect lapcats, they will jump on us at any given opportunity, begging for attention. They purr constantly. They love to sleep on us, play friendly, and so far, our four hamsters are still alive. We have totally fallen in love with these kittens; even my black devil heart has been melted, making me turn into some effete bitch every time I'm with one of them.What's not to love?
Well, quite a lot as it goes. For behind that cute exterior, Frosty and Pudge are the duffest kittens ever. On the first day of owning them I got a glimpse of the gastronomic nightmare that was to await us, when I looked in their room to find that a rhino had shat in their litter tray. One of the kittens had managed to force out a turd four times its body size. And the smell! Jesus! You could weaponise it and invade Asia. Things were not looking good. Still, despite the fact that I spent most all my free time clearing monster shits from the litter tray, one look at the beautiful things and my heart melted. They really are the most adorable things ever.
How could I stay mad at that? Lunacy.
But then came more problems, most of which involving the fucktards at the RSPCA. The kittens weren't vaccinated despite promises, they both had colds, Frosty had a heart murmur which could cause her problems in later life, and then Pudge got a gammy eye. We spent more time at the vets than the vet. And the costs are bloody astronomical - our food budget is now shot, so it looks like squirrel for tea every night til payday. Gah!
Unfortunately, we've had to take Pudge to a specialist about her eye, which it turns out is possibly something far more sinister than just a gammy eye, and will require months of continuous treatment, with no guarantee of her general health improving. The prognosis isn't good, and it looks like the emotional heartache she's already put us through is going to continue.
With all the trouble the we've been through with Pudge, you'd think Frosty would try her very best to be a bit healthy and not be a complete fucking nightmare. Fat chance. She's decided to stop licking her bits clean after going for one of her Rhino shits, which has just been a barrel of fun. There's nothing like a Friday night in with your loved one spent wiping a kitten's arse for cling-on poo. Fucking GAH!!!! And to top it off, she's developed a nasty case of diarrhea recently, so after she bum-wees into the litter tray, she will wander off leaving poo dripping from her bum following her all the way, usually into my arms. Its shit-ville in this house at the minute. We've tried bathing her, which she hates, or wiping her with wet-wipes, which she hates. So guess what? Tomorrow its off to the vets again. Whoopdee fucking do.
Frosty in happier, less pooey times
God knows why she has stopping grooming her arse (the rest of her she cleans so much I feel she's mocking me). However, the other day she did get into bum-licking position, but just as the foot went up in the air and the head went to the anus, she positively recoiled! Can't blame her really, its not something I'm into either.
Still, things came to a head this morning. She likes sleeping on my bag, on top of which I'd chucked a LoveFilm dvd envelope last night to stick in the post in the morning. I woke up, threw the envelope in the bag without noticing anything amiss. Only when I got to the post box this morning did I notice the big brown stain across the envelope and across the hand that was now holding it. Guess who'd been sleeping on my bag last night? The little bastard.
So, there's nothing else for it.
Ebay.
ps. And what's worse, StuffOnMyCat.com haven't accepted any of my submissions.
Fuckers.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
-TM